Thursday, June 26, 2008

• I just finished reading a really good book. Before I got a job I was spending all my time at borders and I saw this book with a picture of two nearly identical people, one a woman one a man. "Self Made Man; one womans year as a man," said the title in bold friendly letters (I heart Douglas Adams)
  
  And so I found one of the many big armchairs around the store and began to read. The author is a lady named Norah. She's a lesbian, and has been told all her life that she is mannish and unfeminine. But more than that, she sees the liberties society has historically given men, and wants to experience life from the other side.
  
  Whenever I hear 'lesbian' I automatically assume the man hating variety. I'm not sure why. I know lesbians and gay people, and in every case, they're regular people who don't fit as neatly into their political archetypes as I'd expect them to,
  
  But still, knowing the authors background, I expected an embittered, cynical rant against the baser sex. But I was pleasantly surprised by her insights and her beautiful portraits of men she met and befriended as "Ned". She writes about brotherhood and comraderie, which she says is foreign to women. And, perhaps most astoundingly, she writes with great sympathy for the role society gives men. Traditionally, the only negative emotion men have been allowed to feel is anger. Hurt and sadness are womanly feelings.
  
  I know I've encountered this. I see men all the time who can't articulate their emotional state beyond being "wicked pissed!" or some such nonsense.
  
  She also goes on to talk about the male facade of confidence, which society demands. Since the sexual revolution of the sixties, she writes, men are expected to be sensitive and liberal, respectful and introspective, erstwhile being strong, confident and secure and aloof. She wonders allowed if both extremes are possible simultaneously.
  
  many of the men she encounters as Ned (her male alter ego) are 'faking it'. They feel inadequate, weak,  ill equipped and self conscious, but act macho, self reliant, and strong.
  
  Yesterday at work I was talking to a co worker about this beautiful girl who wroks at the factory with us. I told him she intimidated me, and I always found something to do when I saw her coming, so as to avoid eye contact.
  
  His response could have been part of the aforementioned book. "I'm not the hottest shit in the world, either. I mean, Jesus! Look at me,"
  
  I love this guy, he's sort of a redneck. A little on the portly side. One of those scruffy heavy metal goatees,
  
  "Whenever I don't feel confident, I fake it. People buy that shit, man. Nobody thinks twice."
  
  And he's right! No one does. I wondered, after he said that how many things in life that might be true of. Can a bad singer "fake it" with confidence and become a good singer? Probably, eventually.
  
  Then I thought about John Wesley. I don't remember the exact phrasing, but I remember a friend of mine telling me that Wesley's mentor told him (during a period of existential doubt) to act as if he had faith until his faith came back. Or, in laymans terms, to fake it until it's real.
  
  Returning to the topic of the book, one wonders if thats all gender is, a series of faked poses and attitudes which we adopt over time until they are us.
  
  Anyway, just some random thoughts. It's definitely a book worth reading.
  
  peace
  
  ben
  
  
  
  

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