| | In two days I'll be leaving to go to the beach.
I'm excited to get away from just this area for a bit, well not this area in itself, but mainly the problems that lye around here.
It's just I'm tired of it all.
I want my friends, but I'm not allowed to have them.
And Mandy I'm tired of you always saying "well then go back to them, leave me"
Just because I feel bad that I dont have my friends anymore, doesn't mean that I just want to give up on YOU. You said you understand, because it's happened to you, then stop acting like I don't love you, I obviously do. I'm sick of it. I didn't do anything to you that should make you think that I would leave you. Of course I tried to see my friends before, they're my friends, i didnt WANT to loose them. Don't you think you would've done the same thing if you had the opportunity last year? I tried and I'm done trying...so just trust me. The only reason we wouldn't work out is because I would get tired of you always, always ALWAYS doubting me. I know people have done things to you before, and it's hard for you to trust, but what you don't realize is that I'm a totally different person, don't you understand that? I'm not like the people you used to hang out with. I'm someone else, I'm Sara, and you know me perfectly well, don't judge me by the way other people have acted towards you in the past. It's not fair for me.
I just, depressed...mainly because if I'm friends with someone that does something bad, that automatically means that I do it too. All of this just makes me feel like...I have no control over my life, and who's in it. And basically, I don't...I don't have any control. I mean, there are certain areas I can understand as to why I shouldn't hang out with them; drugs................ok, yeah, drugs. That's it. And I know for a fact that if I told them not to smoke around me what-so-ever, they wouldn't. I know I wouldn't smoke with them. I don't want to get in trouble. But it's just not fair that I'm being peanalized for something other people do. I have no friends now, all the 'friends' I have at this point couldn't care two shits about me. They'll talk to me of course, but out of all of them, who would actually take time out to actually try to hang out with me ... not just ask but actually plan, and actually try. Who would actually go out of their way to keep me as their friend?
My real friends- I know they would do ANYTHING for me. They would go to hell and back for me, and that is more than what I can say about anyone that would try to replace them. They were true friends. They were with me, they helped me along. They made me stronger, and now they aren't even allowed to talk to me anymore. It's just so surreal...
Well I guess that's enough of venting for today.
I'm sure I'm going to have some angry people after reading this.
But...whatever...I just needed to let that out.
Mandy, I do love you, you should know that...and if you don't then you might as well just leave me now, because after all of this...everything that has happened, for you to not believe me...that's just bull. You can be mad at me for writing this entry, but that would make you a liar. You told me you understood, and if you really do...why would you get mad at me for feelings that I have? I can't help it, and you know that. You know what it's like. If you really love me like you say you do, then you will stick right by me and help me be strong again, just like you have been doing. I love you |
| | Posted 7/19/2006 9:34 AM - 6 views - 2 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- give stars
- votes0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
