|
| The time has come This has been a great blog. I have enjoyed it immensely. However, you may (or you may not) have noticed that my post rate and quality has declined. I'm not naming names, but I blame it on Facebook. Anyway, I still want to blog. Just not here. I love the community feel here, but Xanga has gotten cluttered and annoying. As much as I love this blog, it's time for a new one. A change of scene, a new space.
That's right. I'm moving to Blogger.
This blog will stay up. There's way too much good content on here to take it down. I will probably also use this blog to comment from time to time. So if you were inclined to worry, don't. It's not going away. It just probably won't be updated anymore.
If y'all have any questions or opinions, please let me know. Audience opinion counts. This will also be posted on Facebook, since, obviously, the majority of my audience is now there instead of here.
So join me at the new blog, won't you? Between the Lane Lines. See you there!
EDIT: Don't forget to give me your Blogger addresses!
| | |
| I know hamburgers when I see them!Don't tell me lifeguarding isn't eventful. Then again, it isn't the lifeguarding itself so much as the being on break that's fraught with interest.
Today was the last day for the outside pool (happy September, y'all), so our superiors had a cookout for us, outside the pool and down the steps. When I say "cookout" I mean there was a little tiny grill like a foot high and Jennifer grilled hamburgers and hot dogs on it. Still technically a cookout; I just don't think I've ever seen a grill that small. And when I say "outside the pool and down the steps" I mean, "I had to give some location but if you've never been there you still have no idea where it is." But none of this is important. The point to remember is that there was food, and there were leftovers.
The cookouting--and don't tell me that's not a word. It obviously is or I couldn't have used it--was around 4:00, and we all got hungry, whether we'd eaten earlier or not, around 6:30 or 7:00. Josh and Laken and I were hovering about the desk, eating chips. Laken wandered off about the time Jacob wandered on, so he missed the hilarity.
Anyway, Jacob wandered on--as opposed to off--and queried, "Where are the leftover hamburgers?" As Josh had already answered this question at least once already he knew exactly where they were, and he told Jacob, "I think they're somewhere in the back." Jacob made a beeline for the Area Behind The Desk and came back a few seconds later with all the fixin's.
Now someone, I'm assuming Nikki, though it could have been Jennifer, put the meat away separated by type. A smart thing to do, you say. Agreed, I say. The hot dogs had one plate, the hamburgers had another. On top of each plate was another plate, like a lid. These plate-plate conglomerations were each in their own empty hamburger or hot dog bun bag.
Jacob brought one of these bags, and as soon as he saw it, Josh said, "I think those are hot dogs." Jacob said no, they were hamburgers. Josh said no, he was pretty sure they were hot dogs. As Jacob opened the bag he pointed to the front of it, which was clearly labelled "Hamburger Buns" and said, "See? Hamburgers!...Aw, man."
Well Josh and I about died. The bag was definitely full of hot dogs. "But it says HAMBURGERS!" said Jacob. "Who's the wise guy... who's the wise guy who put hot dogs in a bag that says hamburgers?!" In between gigglefits Josh told him that while his logic was probably correct, those were still hot dogs. Jacob continued to question the intelligence and motives of whoever put the hot dogs in the bag marked "Hamburgers" (though he did put the hot dogs back and get the hamburgers, which I think were in a "Hot Dog Buns" bag).
This continued for who knows how long. Suffice it to say that every time we started to calm down Josh would start laughing again and then I couldn't stop either. Jacob informed us that, "It's not that funny, guys." It was, though. Really. The conversation about "Desk maaaannn!" and "Pool Desk Guy" and "Y Guy" didn't help either.
At one point Ginna came up and commented on the fact that Jacob was eating a hamburger. "No," I said, "That's a hot dog." Jacob sighed. Cue another gigglefit. As I was leaving to rotate, Josh said, "Man, Jacob, you're gonna have to thank Nikki for that one."
"No," said I. "WE are going to have to thank Nikki for that one."
"YEAH," said Josh. Cue earlier reaction.
I'm still laughing about all this, by the way. Just so you know.
While that was definitely the high point of the night, that ain't all. Oh no. That ain't all.
I was, as you may remember, walking away to rotate. I was following Laken, who was at the bottm of the slide (Oh. That's probably where he wandered off to earlier.). It was also late, like 7:00 late. It was getting dark. It was cold. I was still damp from the last time I'd guarded the slide. I did not want to get back in the water. But no, Laken would NOT let me skip him and insisted I get in the water. So I did. Up to my neck. Before you ask, yes, I did get all the way in the water so I could give Laken a hug before I got back in the stand. Even though I'm sure like a gallon of water transferred itself from me to Laken, I was still freezing. Go figure.
Then Josh sprayed me. In my shirt.
I seriously thought that was all the excitement I could take for one night, but then we all got ready to go. Dan was in the back, putting on his Y shirt. Except that he couldn't really get it over his head.
"I don't think this is my shirt," said Dan.
"That's MY shirt!" said Ginna.
"Yeah. I was putting it on and I thought, 'This doesn't SMELL like my shirt at ALL.' "
And you tried to tell me lifeguarding was boring.
| | |
| Say you love me - inject my name into your skin! I have thought long and hard about this. I've spent countless sleepless nights pondering the possibilities, the drawbacks, the probabilities, and the advantages. I've agonized over exactly what I want, how I want it, and where I want it. I've weighed aesthetics and health. I've done massive design work. And I've finally decided....
I'm getting a tattoo. It will say, "La la la!" I'll put it somewhere conspicuous, like on the back of my neck, or across my forehead. Lasting value at its best, don't you think? Won't my grandchildren be thrilled!
Ok, no, I'm not really doing that. But the very thought makes me erupt in laughter. I can't help imagining the nonchalance that particular tattoo would evoke. My life's philosophy? Maybe. Blatant, hilarious disregard to the supposed law of tattoos ("Don't rush into such a big decision.")? Probably. Yeah, definitely.
Being as I think tattoos are pretty stupid (Do you REALLY want that "Sarah"-entwined rose up there for the rest of your life? You did break up with her five and a half years ago. Do you really want that butterfly on your back? It may not be in the same spot in a few years.), I don't know that I would ever get tired of a tattoo saying "La la la!" were I to ever get one (which I won't). I could go with some henna, though... hmm. That might be fun.
So the question of the hour is this: barring all questions about the wisdom or morality of tattoos in general, if you were to get one, what would it be? Would you, like me, go with the bizarre factor, or would it be something serious, like your kid's name?
| | |
| Quotables!Oh, and the Chatterbox is gone. Kind of abruptly, but hey, that's life. I think. On to the quotables! 
(Please note that this quotables post [almost said pants] truly comes full-circle.)
***
Joel: well, as far as whether I'm right in what I
say about being good at geog, how about this: when statistics say that fewer
than 50% of American children can even find the U.S. on a world map or globe, I
find that unbelievable, and wonder what the heck are half the schools teaching,
or why aren't half the students paying attention in geog?
then again, I can't find the sweatpants I just put
down. Joel: poor college. Small enough to pat. <pat
pat>
KB: *counting stacks of money*
Jesse: See, this is so much trouble. Wouldn't you hate to be a bank robber?
Virginia:
*speaking of being a professional assassin* Man, that would be so
annoying. I'd be this awesome assassin and I'd be goin' around killin'
people and getting all this money and then Mommy would say, "Virginia,
that is NOT GOOD. I don't want you doing that," and I'd have to stop.
Virginia: Patience said she was gonna cut off my owbreyes.
Anna: Mommy knows as much about sewing as a pig knows about science.
KB: Why are you just standing there blinking at me?!
Patience: I guethth I'll blink at Virginia. *turns around and blinks at Virginia*
Virginia: *her bowling ball flies out of her hand to the floor behind her* Well this is a problem.
Patience: Maggie, I dropped the cap!
Maggie: *mutters something*
Patience: AND THAT IS NOT ALRIGHT!!!
Jesse, after working on a paper for several hours: *happy gasp* Sixty words!
Virginia: *cleaning out our shower drain* EW! We could make a whole scalp belt out of this hair!
KB: ...Except there are no scalps.
Virginia: *exasperated sigh* We could FIND some scalps LATER and ATTACH them to it.
Maggie: Ooooowwwwwww! *sits down and wraps washcloth around foot*
KB: What are you doing?
Maggie: I think I got stung. Ooooowwwwww.
KB: Is that even wet?
Maggie: No.
KB: Then what are you doing?
Maggie: *rocks back and forth* I'm comforting it!
Mommy: I set the air conditioner to between 75 and 80. If it gets too cold you can turn it up.
Kenny: in looking back over these conversations, do you find that
they rather tend to be ridiculously strange?
Kenny: =D
yeah. you're a bad pinky.
and a sucky sidekick.
now that I REALLY resent
anyway, you live in my head
so how great can you be?
Katie: give or take some awesome? 
KB: Yeeeaaaauuuuugghhhh!!!!
Mommy: What?
KB: It's HOT in here!!
Mommy: Yes it is. Can you turn the air conditioner down just a tad?
KB: YES. ...What is a tad?
Mommy: A degree.
KB: .......How 'bout three?
Mommy: Noooo, one is fine.
KB: TWO.
Mommy: Nooooo, just one degree.
KB: ONE AND A HALF.
Mommy: Ok. One and a half.
Daniel Maycock: I have a loaf-sized ego in a singled-slotted-toaster sized body.
Tori: All the girls love my daddy. That's why they sur-ROWND him.
Shannon: So this morning, first thing I did (not
on purpose) when I got in to work was give myself a paper cut.
It bled alot.
No joke, my first thought was: "If there was a vampire
here, I would so be dead."
And then, a minute later when I was still alive: "DARN IT.
This office doesn't have any vampires." 
KB: I would just like you to know that William is brushing his teeth. With two toothrbrushes.
Maggie: *giggles* Hey! That's mine!
William: *offers it to her*
Maggie: Thank you! Before he was using Anna's.
Maggie: *points to Cristina's picture on the fridge* THAT GIRL put her ARMS around me! *glee*
Patience: And by the way? All your girl friendth are BEAUTIFUL in their dreththeth.
Anna: No, that's not an elevator, that's a high-high.
Girls: *playing house*
Patience: Um, we need to buy more foriniture.
Virginia:
Hey Katie Beth do you remember in Jane Eyre when Rochester asked Jane
"Do you think I'm hot" and she was like "NO uhhhh well I've seen
hotter"? And didn't she ask him if he thought she was hot too at one
point?
KB: *dying* I don't know!
Virginia: *telling Mommy the same thing as above* And when I read that I thought, "Jane Eyre, you are my kind of homie."
KB: *walks by the sofa*
Virginia: *sticks her foot up and wiggles her toes*
KB: I don't want your foot!
Virginia: I was WAVING!
did you just say "Awww"??
I swear Proof that we CAN come (almost) full-circle:
Ethan: Crazy picture what are you doing? Is that a thumbs up?! me: Facebooking Ethan: ...... no me: OH in the picture Ethan: IN the picture me: LOL I was rejoicing over my new dolphin shirt Ethan: Einstein and I will take the name in vein [Brian Regan reference]
me: in a parking lot?! you heathen
Ethan: I know
I haven't got the faith yet
me: poor Einstein
Ethan: He'll make it
me: he's dead
he knew you were going to take his name in vain
so he died
he didn't make it
you're a liar
I can't trust you ever ever ever
Ethan: Love you too
me:
Ethan: JUST THINK
me: let's sing Kumbaya
Ethan: WHERE WOULD BE WITHOUT GRAVITY
HAVING FUN IN THE SKY
WE WOULD BE FLYING
IT'S HIS FAULT
NOW WE ARE FREAKIN GROUNDED MORONS
AND YOU HAVE EINSTEIN TO THANK FOR THAT
me: <DIES>
Ethan: (not really, I know that wasn't his theory...that was Newton)
BUT STILL
me: LOL!!!
this conversation is amazing
Ethan: WHO CARES IF THINGS GET BIGGER AS THEY REACH THE SPEED OF LIGHT
I AM NEVER GOING TO REACH THE SPEED OF LIGHT SO I DON"T CARE
Although, if I could, being bigger would be nice
I mean, I AM fast...
So
If I run a lot
maybe...
Hm....
WRONG
SEE?
me: keep dreamin'
Ethan: EINSTEIN IS NOTHING
me: nothing but dead
Ethan: Exactly
me: so really, where does that leave us?
just plain ol' grounded?
Ethan: Yep
Unless you invest in hundreds and thousands and millions of pounds of steel and fuel and engineering
me: even then we're not flyin'
unless we build an airplane
which would kinda be the whole point, I guess
Ethan: .......
Wow
Yeah
Kinda
me:
you could build other things, you know
like a giant... blender
Ethan: Yeah
I would use that all the time
me: totally
Ethan: "Here is your protein shake...FOR THE NEXT FOOTBALL SEASON"
me: with BIG APPLES AND ORANGES AND BANANAS
think how fast we could make smoothies!
Ethan: No... it would take FOREVER
me: naw
I'm a very fast smoothie-maker
and a very good one
Ethan: 5 orange trees, 7 apple trees, 8,000 bannanas
(banana trees are too hard to chop up)
me: you don't use the trees, genius
EINSTEIN
Mommy: *gives William a plate of pudding cake for snack* Uh oh, this is bigger than your lunch!
Kid at pool:
I am PWEPAWED! I have goggles *holds up goggles*, I have a snowkel
*holds up snorkel*, a shiwt so I won't be embawwassed, and I am WEADY!
Anna: Hello, you muscly-armed rascal.
Patience: Hello, you basket with lots of pink clothes in it.
Virginia, as an old man with a long grey beard drives by: *GASP* Look at that MAN!!! *loving look*
Mommy: After you've finished setting the clock, can you turn the cuckoo off?
KB: You're cuckoo.
Mommy: Your mom's cuckoo.
KB: *silence* I KNEW you were gonna say that!
Mommy: *beginnings of a giggle fit* I just insulted myself!
KB: *walks out of the room and comes back in*
Virginia: EE. *jumps like three feet* Stop DOING that!
KB: Doing WHAT?
Virginia: WALKING!
Daddy: You're putting chips on your turkey sandwich?!
KB: Yes. It makes it crunchy and not boring.
Daddy: *turns to Uncle Scott* And you're putting peanut butter on yours?!
Uncle Scott: Yes. It makes it smooth and not boring.
Hana: LOOK! It's a clutch! *CLUTCH*
KB: Oh my goodness. Look at the pants.
Hana: I want pants like that. Just so I can wear them to the mall and have people say, "Oh my goodness. Look at the pants."
| | |
| HarkHark, for I am a lifeguard. Don't make me save you.
| | |
|
