if you know me, then you should know what i have done. it was the stupidest thing that i could have possibly done. all i wanted was closure, nothing more. but saying that means nothing i suppose. i broke one un-written law and broke my first promise. i once said that i would wait for someone... it seemed to impossible so like the stupid ass i am, i moved on like it was nothing. it also happened to be the worst person to move onto. you might think that this is no big deal but in my eyes i think it is. i have realised how much of an ass i am and that i dont deserve anything or one that comes my way. no one try to convince me otherwise. i just, wish that i could rewind time. it would make it much easier wouldn't it, find a remote and hit the rewind button.and start over. any outcome, any other outcome.... but as i told peter at one point, " you cant rmk life peter". thats a statement i wish weren't true. i listen to the songs i do wishing it will make it better. the pain hurts so bad. the outcome of what i did doesnt hurt. its a combo of hurt, fear of being lonely, guilt, and the fact that my stupidity runs through my mind.right now i dont know where to go. im sitting here and i dont know what i should do other than to go for the rope i promised cheryl i wouldnt but i cant see anyother way out. this blog is full of bad grammer and spelling, also another thing in life i have failed at. my personal life+education. what happened. it would be convenient to wipe myself off the face of the earth. no one would miss me, no one would even know i was gone. please dont say you will, maybe i find this as a quick fix, thats what i want. i want it to go away, i want me to go away...
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