I pride myself in being a strong person at times; but a quarter of the time I hate myself for sometimes being who i am; and all the things that make me; ME...I hate how I never want to hurt anyone, but always end up doing it neways...I cant regret my actions; because Ive always known the risks we take; will always be a price that we shall later go on and pay...May it be positive or negative...My views on things are much different then how it was before, because now I know how it feels to be on both ends...I know how it feels to have your life taken away from you, I know how it feels to having nethang you could want to having basically nothing at all...and finally I knew how it felt to love and be loved in return...Its funny how things could just creep up from behind you and before you know it things you never thought could happen;  is right before your very eyes...I guess I didnt appreciate it enough and went in disbelief that I finally have all the things I ever prayed for endlessly back in those days when i was still younger...Things are now going in another direction all because im my own self-destructor with everything that involves me...Why is it that everything I ever come across with dies away..Half of the time it was just how life becomes and then the other half I didnt know what to do with it; only to let it all but die away...Im so very thankful though; always have been ,that for a split second in time i had the chance to feel what any other woman would die at the chance to have and feel...I made my mistakes and now I have to go on and live with it...Ive always tried to treat ppl as how i wanted to be treated and not do things that i would never want to be done to myself, but i guess trying really doesnt make a difference anymore...I used to shut myself away because I was afraid of getting hurt...Now in another time-span; Im going to shut myself away because this time I dont want nethang that I come across with to be hurt...The feeling so new; you know? To have always been the one who was hurt;and being so used to the feeling that when you find something good you throw it away because, you are who you are...and thats why i hate myself the most right now...