In my lifetime there are 2 different groups of ppl i know of...one represents my innocent church skool days before i turned corrupted...the 2nd represents everything that ive gone thru to make me who i am todai...once a long time ago,beneath the good girl image i presented;the rebel in me, which was always there,but lacked the strength to break loose; tied by the restrictions from the stable calm surroundings which was all that was known ...became restless because it just wanted a taste of how the other side was like...to be free...to not give a fuck what everyone else would think, and taking her own life in her hands, by just living every m0ment as if it were their last...it has been all worth it to know, that u lived life w/out no regrets, becuz u lived it to the fullest...though the pain i caused in myself and family was not a nice ordeal to go through, still id do it all over again, because i would know in the end...it'd only make me a stronger,better person...by making mistakes and realizing how to change them, and taking my life in my own hands once again in deciding which path i would like to take...those days of youth are steadily passing by, as the days and month to years come parting the ways...my vulnerbility in life; being shocked of still witnessing what the real world is truly all about, reveals my long forgotten innocence...there are so many sides to me, that often times i do feel like i have split personalities, reason be because...my mind is in a tug-of war frum the different fwens i have, to going through the roles of adult-hood at the same time being a 18yr old who sometimes would like to daydream all day but cant because when reality hits who has time for all of that?...sitting back and wishing for things to happen, and having a shoulder to lean upon is utterly useless...i was in a ball yesterday..filled w/ so many different emotions...terribly hurt by everything which surrounds me...knowing that my mind is at a level of fighting  each other; running back and forth....a  world that wont  let me find solace...i accept that those worlds cant submerge into one, but i am living proof that all differences..results in this collage of me... yesterday all i needed was simple understanding through all my frustrations, but couldnt get any for; one side just couldnt relate because they've never gone thru what i have...it takes a great deal for me to ever really openly;express myself, but once in a blue moon when everything that I  keep bottled up inside comes pouring out, the least u could expect was  a little sympathy which I don’t tend to ever want but still I am a person and i extremely hate to ever burden newun w/ my mess…I made a mistake and know now that its only me that I can solely depend on…cuz in the times when I yearn for understanding, the least a person can do  is try to understand, or even for my own benefit pretend to and i guess the small amoun of ppl that i feel i can trust whole-heartedly and be comfortable about sharing stuff w/ cuz we deal w/ the likenss of matters  is all caught up in their own shiet, so who the fuck wanna hear me out…but its okae ill deal w. it alone…lifes a bitch…OoO Didn’t u kno?