I'm frustrated with everything.  Nothing seems to be going the way that I had hoped for much of anything.  Life is way too complicated for my taste, but I guess that's the way life is, or so I've been told.  I don't have enough money to do much of anything except to pay for my bills while my bf lives 3 hours away.    I had  promised to see him at least once a month (hopefully I'll be able to do that).  It just seems like once I get something figured out something happens that changes my mind or changes the situation. 

This week has been really depressing for me.  It's not that any one event has led towards a depressing week, it's that everything seems to be happening all at the same time.  I'm confused and frustrated with almost every aspect of my life.  It just seems as though nothing I do really matters to anyone and most things I want to do are not possible, I can't do anything right, and almost any decision I make is going to be harder than I could possibly handle.  I can't even to begin to know what I should do.

No little debbie snacks.

looking at graduate schools.  Looks like WIU is going to be my best bet. 

trying to organize.  It doesn't work very well but I'm trying.

The Special Ed school I am working as an aide at is going to change managers in another year.  It will probably be owned by a co-op.  The teachers will be paid less and the aides will be paid less (good luck highering good teachers and aides).   

The rest of the world is passing me by in shiny new black and white beatles that have the words "geek squad" printed on their doors.  I'm in a piece of shit 18 passenger van, going 20 mph in the passing lane, and the cops are on my ass for a burned out tail light. 

May the gods bless you. 

Steven

I wonder if anyone ever goes through life fully awake.  I wish the world were one giant waterbed.

We are all dead.    

Good night.

my senses are too challenged.  I need a sensory deprivation chamber. 

I want to take a break from stupid christmas lies too. 

The christmas tree is not a damned christian symbol. 

Good lord. 

Neither is the five pointed star. 

And the pagans should take their holidays back.   

Anyway, Have a joyous holiday season.  I'm buying everyone beer and Little Debbie snack cakes this year. 

Steven

ps...