Wednesday, July 09, 2008
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So tired...
I have never felt so uneasy about a move. There is no peace about this move. I haven't seen my hubby in 2+ weeks, the little fella is restless waking up at 1 am, and I end up getting up multiple times at night walking around making sure everything is okay. I am permantly nauseous thanks to a personal ailment and with no sleep thanks to school (I generally run on 4 hours a night - lately less) I am just running on nerves and caffine.
Currently I resemble a cat that has been shocked one time too many and twiches a little - I even jump at the slightest noise - if I had claws I would be on the ceiling.
I know that I have done all I can do to prepare. Sure there are a few things left to do and I could get them done now but honestly I don't care. There is a funk over me and I know that I just have to perk up and regain strength tommrow so to prepare for Friday. Maybe less funk more panic...
Panic and fear - that is exactly what is wrong. I am so afraid of doing this on my own. It seems that nothing is easy for me, I can never do things the easy way. Those who know me personally can agree to this.
I just want to close my eyes and be there with my things and with hubby and be done.
Warning: if you call me please do not ask if I am ready - I cannot stand that question right now.
Thanks for letting me gripe - I know that it is annoying but boy do I feel better.
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Comments (3)
Gripe away. I am glad it made you feel a little better. It will all soon be over! Of course you can do it! My goodness, you are an incredible woman of God who draws her strength from Him and not circumstances! Of course you miss your husband, who wouldn't, Don't let fear overtake you for you have nothing to fear, God knew this week was coming a long time ago and he prepared you and cleared the path for you. Get as much rest as you can. 4 hours is NOT enough. nap with Jim, sleep when he sleeps. Let the rest go until you have rested. It will keep until you get to it!!! Congrats on the A, don't worry about the next course until you get to it. I know it is there waiting but try to push those worries aside. You are not just defined by the grades you accomplish you are so so so much more than that. I wish I was closer and could help you out. Love, aunt Robin
@tweattweat - thanks for the encouragement. I'm so sorry about your ankle! I know I need to let the fear go... I was talking to my sister-in-law and I realized that problem is that I lean on hubby to lead in situations like this - like I will prepare the move and pack it - but I am so used to him taking on the actual move and telling me what I need to do (Amber can attest to that). I need to be brave and do it - I can't always lean on others but I need to learn to lead on things I don't like to lead on.
I know that we have different marriage styles, but I know you will understand about relying on your husband to take charge and when he's not there it is rough. I will get through this - and when I get a break from school and moving drama - I will sleep. I am just having a bit of insommnia probably because of stress.
@alexiah100 - we may not be as different as you might think! ;o)