That big mistake blew up on me. I had such a terrible mood swing when I fired off that letter and said terrible things that I didn't mean. To my fathers credit his letter was preachy, but not as harsh as it could have been. I just wish skipping a day of pills didn't make me a bitch. I wish I was more than the sum of my pills, and I didn't fuck things up like this. Sometimes I just get so tired of the pain lately, and I think that I can't take anymore, and keep asking god why crying why in the hell he made me if I'm suppose to suffer all the time. I just want to rest. I used to say it's not whether you win or lose, It's the struggle that counts. I know that's a fallacy, I've lost, and I'm tired of the struggle.