Thursday, November 22, 2007

• Thanksgiving

  First off, I want to wish every one a great Thanksgiving. I hope it's going better than mine.
  I really don't want to talk about all of this because I know people will see it, but what ever.
  If I talk about you and you don't like it, well... my xanga, my thoughts. Or is it just me that sees it that way?
  I started off with a somewhat good day. But, then I had to go to Grammy's house. We got her and the food. We took it to Pa's shop. We ate there. Dalton, Beth, Grammy, Pa, Mommy, and I were the only people there. Daddy and  Jenna were off hunting. Anyway, we ate. I ate way too much. I've got to be careful about what I eat for the rest of the weekend. I've already decided no supper. Hopefully I'll get out of eating for a while. I feel sick because of all I ate. It makes me wanna cut. But I can't.
  Before all of this eating took place, Lindsey told me that Heather had read my thread at TH. That makes me worry so much. I talk about all kinds of things there. I don't want her knowing about some of that stuff. It bothers me that she goes on there. That's kinda like my special place. Every one needs a special place where they can talk with out every one knowing. At least Lindsey promised that she won't go up there and read everything. I'm really glad she won't. That makes me feel better. I edited out that thread and posted something about why I did what I did. Pretty much apologizing to Heather, because I just know she'll be back to read it. I requested it to be closed. Hopefully some one will.
  It really bothers me that Heather doesn't like me. Well, I really don't care that she doesn't like me. I don't have anything against her. I just hate that it causes problems between her and Lindsey. I don't want them to fight because of me. I guess somehow, it makes me feel like it's my fault. I feel like it's my fault for getting in an argument with her in the first place. It's my fault that she hates me. I'm horribly afraid that one day Heather's going to make Lindsey pick between her or me. I think she'd pick Heather. That would leave me all alone. I don't want that. Stuff like that worries me and makes me want to shy away from people. I'm horribly afraid of being hurt- and of hurting others.
  I really want to cut. I really want to cut on my arm, but that's not possible. It's 72 degrees outside. Kids are running around with shorts on. Lol. I don't know if I will or not. For right now I'm trying.
  I really can't think of anything else that needs to be said. Other than... it's icon time!
  The first one, I love. Lol. The second one was what I was thinking when my grandmother was yelling today. Lmao. The third one... oh god to have a letter from some people would be amazing. The fourth one... oh my gosh. True, true. The fifth one made me smile. The last one, well you gotta understand that. LOL.
  

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