I went to Nanny's today for Daddy's birthday. (He got a really fancy shotgun that cost over a thousand dollars, so he was happy. Just what we need, another gun -sigh-) Anyway, she had this dirty magazine and she told me to look at it. It had all of this underwear and bras and kinky stuff in there (keep in mind this is my GRANDMOTHER). It had a strip pole kit in there. I so want that for my birthday. My grandpa is thinking about getting it for me lol.
So... today was pretty amazing. Nothing really happened. Things seem to be good for me at the moment. 29 days with out cutting, I can't even remember the last time I went this long. I don't know whether to cry or be proud. I haven't really had an urge all day... except for this morning. I used to always get dreams about cutting, because I would go to bed with an urge and it just transferred over. This morning I woke up because of one. I'd cut myself all over, really badly. They were horrible cuts and there was blood everywhere. Usually, after something like that I would cut. But, I didn't. I managed to actually SHAKE it and I was okay for the whole day. I wonder if I'm starting to get past some of this, but that doesn't mean that I still don't want it. I'm not ready to stop, so I know things won't stay like this.
I'm too tired to type more.
Comments (10)
Ok... im sure your gonna have fun with that pole =]
Then again, who are you gonna strip for ?
the guinea pig ? =D
lol
omg, i'm so proud of you... (: but you've to be proud of yourself too!
and i don't believe you've a granny like that.... dang... cultural differences..
hope you're well! tell your reflection that you love it. (:
*hug*
You must have an ineresting time up at Granny's....LOL. She must be fun to hang around O.O
You're doing good with the not cutting! KEEP IT UP!!! Please don't give up, Amanda. I'm proud of you! But you need to be proud of yourself, too. You are doing a great job. You shook it this morning, that's wonderful! Hangin there, ok?
With Love,
Shelby
I've always wanted a strip pole. D:
Send one to me in NY for my 14th? :P
You're doing awesome, Amanda. To go a month without cutting is certainly an accomplishment. I just hope that you continue to keep up with this improvement, and keep strong always. <3
You're just in an unhappy state, aren't you?
You know what? God makes happiness out of your unhappiness. You are loved, and He is with you. And in Him there is happiness, and joy, and peace.
None of us see it like that ALL the time. We are all here so we can remind each other of that.
the pole sounds awesome....good excercise! i want to say i am so proud of you for going that long without cutting! especially if u have had the urges and u are fighting them off. its okay if u dont stop..its the effort that counts! hang in there
The Suicide Queen
lol. Just hang in there, k? :)