Ten Things I dont understand about men.
10. How can men, at the drop of a hat, the drop of a dime, or the drop
of a pair of pink panties, be ready for sex. I mean, I have a sex drive
like the rest of middle america, but I cannot imagine being so fired up
at every minute of the day, that I could just bend over and take it. It
has to be frustrating being locked and loaded all the time. If someone
could please explain to me why this isnt a subject that medical science
is dealing with!
9. Off the sex topic, for now. I dont understand how men can wear the
same boxers for years. I know this is true, upon visiting my girlfriends
house (who happens to be marrying my ex) we were playing in her closet
when there on the floor was the boxers I had bought the man something
like four years ago. Women need pretty panties to match our moods.
Feeling frisky? I wear red. Feeling sexy? I wear black. But you guys
wear the same shit, day after day, week after week. You know you do it.
And leaving it on the floor for a week does not make them magically
clean again.
8. Why is it when you are with your buddies, you have to play the penis
game? you know what Im talking about, MY penis is bigger than YOUR
penis. It is cute to see you standing in front of the grill with your
beer gut hanging out, drinking a PBR with sweat pouring down your face,
no really it is. But believe it or not, its not a competition. If a
woman is sleeping with you, she finds you attractive in some way, you
dont have to see how badly you can injure yourself in front of her
because your friends are there. We know your cool. 
7. Speaking of competition, WHY do you have to pretend you know
everything about us? If men are dating a girl, they will remind everyone around them that they indeed know everything about the girl that could possibly be known.December doesnt like her coffee with cream,December grew up here, went to school there.... No one is impressed,
especially not me.
6. What happened to chivalry. Granted, my sisters husband opened every
door for her, and pulled out her chair and STILL ended up being a huge
douche bag, so I suppose what I am looking for is the old fashioned
traditional chivalry of just being plain nice. You are tough, You are greasy
and studly and we cant help but want you, but fer fucks sake, tell us we
look pretty, or that we are smart or slap our ass when we walk by,
reciprocate.
Wait, i dont think ass slapping can be considered chivalry.
5. The wandering Eye.
Hear me out. I know full well that the wandering eye is a biological
desire to spread the seed of your loins. Its human, and It doesnt bother
me. Unless it is accompanied by "look at her jugs!...." Look, dont touch. and
dont tell me about it.
4. We are all emo and you know it.
It may take half a quart of tequila to get you all misty eyed and sweet,
but by god I am buying and I want results. There is a nice guy in all of
you ( i dont care what Ive said before) so stop hiding it. I dont want
to hold your hand in front of your football buddies, I dont want to make
out in front of your mom, I just want to hear that there is some sort of
emotion behind your rough and tumble exterior. And I dont want to make
out in front of your mom because she gets all jealous and I hate that.
3.Why is it okay to cry when old yella dies, but not when we are
crushing your heart under our spiked heels? Men seem to have some weird filter, the body count can reach into the hundreds in some movies, withouta flinch. But come time to put that little yellow lab down... we've got a cryeron our hands.
2. Superheroes are super cool, but you are not one of them.I dont understand why there is a need for every man to be involved in some sort of illegal activity. Some of them want to be spies. Some of them want to be superheroes (or supervillians I suppose) and some of them just want to smoke dope. But they gotta be doing something illegal. You are cool, elite, and uberintelligent. We get it.
1. What in gods name could possibly take so long in the bathroom that you must bring reading material of sizable proportions. I mean, a magazine AND a book? What is going on in there?
Leave me some stars, bitches!
10. How can men, at the drop of a hat, the drop of a dime, or the drop
Comments (90)
This made me laugh so hard. The always ready for sex thing is actually a biological issue--survival of the species and all that. Technically, once a woman is around, after have sex once, she stays aroused for a good seven minutes (or so), which is just about the time it takes a guy to be up for the next, uh, challenge. So, women are a bit different, but it works.
And you and share the same color-scheme with the underwear. *grin*
Great post, D.
I don't understand these things either!
Hot damn! I love these topics.
10. Because his woman turns him on that much. Or maybe that's just me. Either way, that's how it is.
9. They are just clothes. If I'm feeling sexy or frisky, I put on something clean.
8. I don't play that game. Only the insecure guys do. I *know* mine is bigger, I've nothing to gain by proving it, 'cept taking the other guys woman and I don't do that.
7. I personally don't do that. Unless its to embarrass on purpose.
6. Slapping isn't affectionate?? Damn, I'm in trouble now....
5. Sunglasses.
4. Because we're men.
3. See #4
2. I want to be a hitman for the Mob. I hear the pay is much better. And the job much cooler than mine.?
1. We're trying to wait out the lingering smell so you don't walk right into it. Don't rush it, its for your own safety.
10. Genetics, evolution, and some sort of social influence there as well. You know boys are raised differently in many ways than girls.
9. Oh, puh-lease. We couldn't care less about that sort of thing. Clothes, especially undies? It's a non-thing, non-issue...a total nothing, as far as I'm concerned.
8. I'm not a fan of that, either. It's happened, but I'd rather avoid it now.
7. Ummm...I can't see myself on that one.
6. I feel great being chivalrous (sic). And, unfortunately for me, I AM an all-around nice guy, which explains a lot of my luck with women, who seem only to want the unkempt, rude, abusive bastard. Women are masochists...not all, but waaaay too many of them.
5. I had a gf that once threw a fit just because a woman happened to bend over right in front of me, to the point of almost hitting my face with her butt. You wanted me NOT to look at it? It almost fucking hit me in the face!! Jeez!
4. I am pretty emotional all the time. It sucks.
3. See number 4.
2. Never felt the need to do anything illegal. I would smoke dope if I liked it, but I tried and hated it.
1. What's going on? A lot of poop with a lot of time also reading! That's it.
No answers until you tell me why women are so complicated!
You really really don't want to know the answer to number one!!!
As Darlene once said: "It's not a time a boy needs his mother!"
yeah i dont understand that to
Number 4 can backfire... BIG TIME... oversentimental is a turn-off to me. I don't want a statue, but I don't want a guy who cries at Battlestar Galactica.
Well, I do that so I guess I can't judge. ^.^
@npr32486 - and all...
It's very simple. A nice young man from the deep south explained it to me last summer.
"Benjimon? Women? They're all crazy. They're crazy, don't even try to understand. As soon as you accept it you're ahead of the game..."
She sounds sensible in this post, maybe even edgy/funny, but be warned.
She is a women therefore she is insane.
Only 10?
By the way, I keep a special pair of boxers from 1994 by the bed.
Men rule, don't deny it. Women are just there to keep us occupied when we're bored. If the species never needed to reproduce, and our hands didn't get so tired all the time, there would absolutely be no need for women.
Yes, that's right, hear me ROAR woman!
10. We can't help, it just happens; we don't know why. (The we that aren't doctors and such that would actually know)
9. We don't care.
8. I don't do that. Men who do, are strange men. Boys really.
7. Ok, I don't do that either....
6. "I feel great being chivalrous (sic). And, unfortunately for me, I AM an all-around nice guy, which explains a lot of my luck with women, who seem only to want the unkempt, rude, abusive bastard. Women are masochists...not all, but waaaay too many of them." - hecticmuse He said it better than I would've.
5. Ok, wow. I don't do that either. What makes are you watching?
4. Real men can handle that kind of thing,
3. Because dogs are MAN'S best friend. not Mankind's.
2. Its fun. Its like shopping for y'all.
1. We are trying not to shut you out by reading in front of you, so we multi task.
;p
But, you have to admit that men are pretty awesome despite all their strange behavior. I mean, I don't really want to kiss another girl--not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just sayin'
Also, I love your screen name. Yesterday, I was the anti-PTA mom because I got in an argument at the meeting.
@BenjimonYetAgain -
More than you could possibly imagine, my friend.
@Yosho -
Men rule, couldnt live without them. But its just SO much fun to torture them sometimes.
@Ultra_Bright -
Hey, I agree, but than again, WHO AM I TO BE FEATURED.
@hecticmuse -
Hey, if she bent over in front of you like that, she was begging to be looked at. I wouldnt have a problem with that, in fact, the other night while I was busy getting food poisoning and johhny carinos, the waitress was shamelessly flirting with my husband. I kind of liked it, cause it means other women think he is hot. So I guess it goes both ways, and really depends on the relationship and how lax you can be.
@Blue__Summer -
underwear can make or break a day, tis true. Leave me some stars lady!
I'm tired of women complaining that chivalry is dead. If you want to go back to the old-fashioned ways, then you should be willing to stay home, cook my dinner, and iron my shirt.
@manilajones -
If you knew anything about me, you would know that is my life's purpose.
This great! You nailed it!
I find it old and tiresome to hear women complaining about chivalry being dead. Maybe if they paid more attention...
@antisoccermom -
Really? Awesome!
This is very close coming across as a sexist.
@Single4Eternally -
Maybe, but there is nothing wrong with starting a little dialogue, is there?
@antisoccermom - Done! 'Twas an oversight, nothing more.