Friday, May 16, 2008

• how to date the girl at the office.

  Office dating is a touchy subject. Moreso for some than most, but lets be honest here, everyone has at least had a crush on someone they work with, so how do you pin her down for a date?
  
  Do your homework, if she is single, its a go. If she isnt, move on.
  
  
  Start slow.
  
  Girls are constantly being thrown dick. There is always someone there that will offer sex at any time day or night. Its a fact of being a woman. Sex is something that we can get, give us something we CANT get so easily. Start out slow, with a smile across the room. A head nod as you pass her desk. A cute little wave with one of those sexy smiles.... It works, trust me.
  
  Give her something for her desk.
  
  Money is tight, I get it. But take the time to pick something out for her. A little plant that will brighten her day if she spends all her time doodling flowers. A little pen holder if she is always back at your desk borrowing pens, or an awesome poster from despair.com. The point is, make it personal and make sure she knows you are interested in her. Giving her something to store on her desk makes sure she will think of you several times in a day, and even brag about the cute boy who gave it to her. Win/win.
  
  Be talented.
  
  My hotspot is a nerd who can fix my computer and make me laugh, my girlfriends turn on is a man who can sing. Figure out your talents and show them to her. If you can play guitar, bring your guitar to the company picnic and get the kids doing a round of old macdonald or something. Her heart will melt into her shoes right alongside her pretty pink panties.
  
  Be available.
  
  Girls want to talk. Its what we do best. Let her talk about herself, but be aware of whats really going on. If she is flipping her hair around or twirling it between her fingers, she wants to see you naked. If she is crossing and recrossing her legs with a glazed look in her eyes, she is already seeing you naked probably right then. Girls are predictable, just like dogs, you just need to know what to watch for. Talking about their boyfriends and how miserable they are is just about the best way to tell that they are into you, if you don't see it, ask somebody. You can also read up on body language here, there are alot of signs to watch for.
  
  Violate her.
  
  I dont mean pin her up against the pepsi machine at work, I mean do something that cant be misconstrued as coincidence. Push the limits, and show her how confident you are about it. Buck up, brush by her at work and while you say "excuse me" put your hand on her lower back. Lower back touches are only effective when they are used sparingly, and only AFTER the arm touch. If you havent perfected how to touch a woman on the arm, go back to gradeschool. If she touches you first, she is opening up a doorway. Imagine that touch means just as much as words. If I brush my hand on the arm of a man Im talking to, especially if he is opening up about something private or personal, it shows interest and desire. If she comes by your desk and can't help but touch you, even in a teasing manner, she is probably interested or a whore, you be the judge.
  
  Keep it quiet.
  
  Don't open your mouth about it at the office. Save all that for guy talk later, where it won't get back to her how you want to bend her over the copy machine or tie her up in her cubicle. Girls generally don't want to be talked about, so its best not to kiss and tell. or even want-to-kiss and tell.
  
  Ask her out already.
  
  Just do it, what do you have to lose? If she says yes, have a place in mind that you want to take her, and NOT to a movie. You guys have plenty to talk about already, you work in the same industry, you work with the same rejects, you both know the same people. Conversation will flow, because you will be confident, you will be a good listener, and you will promise not to tell anyone that you made out in the supply closet after drinking too many margaritas at lunch.
  
  
  
  So there is my "To Do" list of things you need to date the girl at your office. of course, I have a short list of 'donts' to accompany it.
  
  

  • Don't cheat with the girl at the office. You never know who is friends with who, and those company picnics could be increasingly difficult for you if you choose this route.
  • Don't forget that it will probably end at some point, dont make a huge ass out of yourself and fall in love.
    
  • Be careful who you talk about, her friends might not be your friends, and vice versa.
    
  • Leave religion out of it. And kids, and exes. Its just the right thing to do.
    
  • No excuses, just do it already.
    

  
  
  

  • 12:38 PM
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