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| BRINGING IT BACKWELL i check my email and I see that I have two notifications. turns out that dave and chester left me e-props for an entry I made two years ago, almost to this very day, about the first fun train.
SO HERE IT IS KIDS, it all started on february 28th, 2006. chester, eddie and i drove from riverside to irvine, at 3 am in the pouring rain, rain so heavy that we hydroplaned at like 35 mph. after getting lost twice and an hour and a half drive, we met up with ryan moore and david at irvine, and proceeded to drag a half-naked joshua huang out of his bed, tape him up, toss him into the rain and pour the blessings of homogenized milk and sweet honey upon his shivering body.
thus the fun train was born.
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| So I was reading Blue Like Jazz, and I got to thinking a little. A funny thought popped in my mind, the thought being that "It's not about me."
I know what y'all are gonna say.
"You come off your Xanga hiatus to tell us this? OBVIOUSLY it's not about you Allan, stop fooling yourself you selfish little beezy. Who does this guy think he is anyway!"
But before you pour that upon me along with the dreaded "no e-props", let me finish. So much of my day mentally is occupied by thinking of my needs, stupid thoughts such as "How can I get satisfaction by buying this/that, how can I work as little as possible to get this/that, what do I have to do to achieve this/that, or how would such and such benefit me" and other things of that manner. Not saying that it's a bad thing to consider the needs of oneself, but when it takes up about 90 percent of your brainpower, then that's probably a little too much.
Lord knows that I need to take my eyes off myself, and really learn to love the people around me. Learn to love my roommates, and actually be an encouragement instead of merely sleeping and taking up dead space. Learn to love my family instead of shutting myself off in my room and giving the cold shoulder to my mom, dad and sister. Half the time, I don't even have a conversation with them when I come back on the weekends! Learn to love my friends instead of giving terse responses when they ask about my day, and truly appreciating how much they do to bless my life. Learn to love other Christians instead of judging them for random crap and putting myself on the grand throne of self-righetousness, in which I am tyrant, emperor and king. Learn to love random homeless people on the street, people that nobody takes the time to talk to, much less love.
We live in a society where we're taught to say what other people want to hear. When someone asks you "How are you?", what's the obvious response?
"Fine".
But are we really? I know inside, I'm thinking "The hell I am!" I've got thousands of things bottled up inside of me and I can still have the audacity to look you in the eye and practically lie to your face by muttering a "fine".
You know why this is? Because sadly a lot of us don't know how to care or love other people. Yeah yeah, we love our families, friends and maybe our pets. But acquaintances? People you've just met? People you haven't seen in a while? We aren't taught to share what we're thinking, what we feel with others, because this society is a me-first society and as long as I hear that you're doing "fine", I can rest easy and get back to thinking about real issues like where I'm going to get boba tonight. But, I know we're wrong. I know I'm wrong.
Because in the end, it's not about me.
While I'm on my little rant, I might as well talk about something else I recently realized, and that is that God doesn't love me for what I do. All my proclamations of repentance, God Blesses, knowledge of Chris Tomlin songs, Bible time, morning prayer meetings and church outings don't get me points in God's eyes. They don't mean anything if my heart is not in it for the people. Maybe points in the eyes of others, but God doesn't love me any more because I do that. God loves me for who I am, who I intrinsically am, even with my millions of faults. And while I know that I shouldn't sin, if I do happen to find myself erring on the side of selfishness, I need to remember that God doesn't want my guilt to stop me from coming before Him. Our feelings of crappiness or whatever shouldn't keep us from coming before the the throne of God right? Because Lord knows that's when we need Him most.
I mean, is He not worthy of our praise, is He not worthy of glory no matter what we do? How hard we fall does not make Him any less worthy of our worship. I've been treating God like a person, in that I see our relationship as reciprocal. We're like study buddies, trading favors and such. You know, God provides for me breath, sunshine, a house to live in, friends, family, and all those wonderful things, and I sing the words of Chris Tomlin back to Him. That's how it is and that's how it has been. And in the rare chance (haha) that I happen to mess up, I think "Aw crap, God's gonna hate me because I messed up again".
In actuality, God's love is consistent, undiluted, unending and pure. Love is not give and take, love doesn't expect anything back in return, love is not something that you can measure and bottle tangibly and love doesn't seek its own. True love is none of those things, and that's what makes it so beautiful, in that it is the complete opposite of selfishness, completely opposite of the me-first mentality that we're so used to abiding by on this forsaken planet we call Earth.
So whoever took the time to actually read through this tirade, or even if you didn't and and skipped to the last paragraph (as I would have probably done), please do me this favor. And that is to keep me in your prayers, that I can learn to love God and others, as well as live life with authentic spirituality instead of just going through the motions. Thanks and keep it real (really please do).
-Allan
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| I don't think anything makes someone look more pompous than a bluetooth headset.
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| looking back, this was a pretty stupid entry haha.
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| A conversation with ImmanuelI thought this was pretty funny. Maybe I'm the only one.
This kid's like 6 BTW.
[12:35] munchlax471: hi bunto
[12:35] munchlax471: i think
[12:35] munchlax471: thats ur name
[12:35] munchlax471: ,,,
[12:37] allantherobot: muchhhlax
[12:37] allantherobot: munnnnnnnnnnchlax
[12:37] munchlax471: .....=[
[12:37] munchlax471: =[ =] =[ =] =[ =]
[12:37] munchlax471:
munchlax471 (12:35:11 PM): is um allanthe robot bunto?
[12:38] allantherobot: munnnnnnnnnnchlax
[12:38] allantherobot: munnnnnnnnnchhhhhlaxxxx
[12:39] munchlax471:
lol
[12:39] munchlax471:
do u kno waut lm@o meens?
[12:39] munchlax471:
...
[12:39] munchlax471:
sry
[12:39] munchlax471:
dont go there
[12:40] allantherobot: munnnnnnnnnchlaxxx
[12:40] allantherobot: munchhhhhhhhhhhhhhlax
[12:40] munchlax471: bbbbbbbuuuuuuunnnnnnttttttttoooooo
[12:40] munchlax471: bbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnntttttttttttttttttooooooooooooooooo
[12:41] munchlax471:
munchlax471 (12:39:24 PM): bbbbbbbuuuuuuunnnnnnttttttttoooooo
munchlax471 (12:39:48 PM): bbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnntttttttttttttttttooooooooooooooooo
[12:41] allantherobot: you know i'm not um...this "bunto" fellow right
[12:41] munchlax471:
?
[12:41] munchlax471:
r u nathan
[12:41] munchlax471:
o ur uuummmm alan
[12:41] munchlax471:
bunto something
[12:41] allantherobot: no this is allan chang
[12:41] munchlax471:
allan buntorivnoski rite?
[12:41] munchlax471:
...........
[12:42] munchlax471:
do u skate board?
[12:42] munchlax471:
wheres allan buntosomrthin
[12:43] allantherobot: uh
[12:43] allantherobot: i think you have the wrong person
[12:43] munchlax471:
......
[12:43] munchlax471:
do u go to h.o.c?
[12:44] allantherobot: what's that
[12:44] allantherobot: a restaurant?
[12:44] allantherobot: kid i don't even know who you are
[12:44] munchlax471:
o
[12:44] munchlax471:
wow
[12:45] allantherobot: is that all you have to say?
[12:45] munchlax471:
yes
[12:45] allantherobot: can you at least apologize for mistaking me for the wrong person
[12:45] munchlax471:
i thot u went to my church
[12:45] munchlax471:
sry
[12:45] allantherobot: and calling me by "bunto" or whatever that means
[12:45] munchlax471:
srry
HAHAHAHA
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