Ohhhh...I like this one! (your forgiveness question) I know this one- we've wrestled together often! Is forgiving giving concession to the hurt- and giving up your perspective, needs, self-respect, your integrity, etc. Is that what you mean?

I think it depends on what forgiveness itself means to you. What are you releasing when you forgive? Something helpful to me this year has been reading Louise Hay and Caroline Myss on their perspective on forgiveness. The message I get is forgiveness is simply taking back your energy from the person, event, etc, so that it no longer has any power over you. (it creates no more emotional charge) Otherwise, a certain amount of energy leaves your body and goes to that situation every day, leaving you less of your life force to operate your own life, and to be present and joyful in the present moment. When you can release the person/event, you are doing it for *you*, so you don't have to carry the burden of that hurt in your cell tissue, in your emotional landscape, in your soul, so you have your energy available for your present moment. You release it, and then they are free, and you are free. Then there is room for your joy, creativity, compassion, ideas, etc- which is the positive sense of your worth- the divine energy coming into form through you in your unique way.

...and anger serves as a contrast to alert us that we are losing that energy- and to do something about it. Then you can let it go, because it's done it's job. Have you read Thich Nhat Hanh's poems/writings about "taking good care of your anger"? It's a wonderful way to lessen and release anger- you visualize your anger as a hurt child- you hold it, comfort it, help it feel better, and with it's needs met, it goes away. I have a link for a dharma talk of his on anger somewhere...I'll be back.....

Thich Nhat Hanh dharma talk on anger and forgiveness mp3:
http://publicradio.org/tools/media/player/speakingoffaith/20040422_thichnhathanh-dharmatalks

dude ox and well said, crunchy. another thought; thanks to abraham (which so far hasn't come up like this in the Sara stories but is in their adult books) one needs to go up the emotional ladder: so the idea is that you start with where you are, say anger, although be honest, it might be lower than that at first. write or think that thought (i am so angry that ...thus and so...) then see if you can get a thought one notch up from that (discouraged thought) and keep going up until you feel better. when you feel better, i suspect you will have forgiven them or the situation by then. btw, it took an extreme scene to get me to do this, even tho i've known about it for months. there's inconsistency for you; preaching to the friends but not doing it! ox
Emotional guidance scale:
Joy/knowledge/empowerment/freedom/love/appreciation
Passion
Enthusiasm/eagerness/happiness
Positive expectation/belief
Optimism
Hopefulness
Contentment
Boredom
Pessimism
Frustration/irritation/impatience
Overwhelment
Disappointment
Doubt
Worry
Blame
Discouragement
Anger
Revenge
Hatred/rage
Jealousy
Insecurity/guilt/unworthiness
Fear/grief/depression/despair/powerlessness

Thank you, my own personal spiritual leaders. I like the idea of reclaiming my energy and controlling where it goes. The hardest part is when one is in a situation where you must constantly search for that forgiveness. the emotional ladder is interesting. While I would say I have managed to jump over several levels, I still find myself falling back to insecurity far to often. Very useful imagery for my brain. Thank you!!