| Mens and Womens Perspectives on Relationships With the Opposite SexFor Valentines Day this week in Chi Alpha at UO and PSU, we spent time exploring what men and women think about relationships with the opposite sex. We collected these answers to the major questions that tend to be a source of misunderstandings in a mixed group. I also added a few others from outside survey sources. Do you have others? Also, what comments or questions do these raise? 1. When we meet, what behaviors, actions or characteristics about the opposite sex are attractive to us? MEN say: sense of humor, gentleness, confidence, genuine smile, clean flirting, making good food, makes efforts to look nice (attractive), sense of high self-esteem, firm & decisive, kind, Godly/love God, hair/skin smells good, smart, fiestiness/good personality, creative WOMEN say: gentleman (opens doors), positive attitude, sense of humor, nice smile, knows where he is going in life, kind, courteous, interesting hobbies or talents, spiritual strengths, honesty, treat us with respect, looks nice in tight jeans, outgoing & friendly, can be himself in front of us, listens to us, tries to get to know us, laughs, spiritually mature (a leader), their actions show he cares-is generous & helpful, athletic, independent, takes time to be clean--look & smell nice
2. When we meet, what behaviors, actions or characteristics about the opposite sex are turn-offs to us? MEN say: clinginess, codependent behavior, slutty make-up/clothing, not taking care of self (make-up, dress, hygiene), swearing, smoking, abusive/hitting, nagging, drunk, demands us to spend money on her, facial hair, contentious attitude, superficial, self-absorbed, bitter, talks about ‘ex’ all the time, overly timid, expensive tastes, being critical or selfish when talking, always wanting a man to decide WOMEN say: cocky attitude (arrogant), too talkative (will not stop), acting creepy, video game addict, lies, obsessions (people, teams etc), super-flirt with women, socially awkward beyond being cute, negative attitude, complaining, acting “macho” (overinflated ego), too much jewelry/’bling’, trying to impress by talking about all the “stuff” they own, not being clean (clothes/body) or waiting too long between showers, showing off, overboard with compliments, looking at the mirror all the time, too sexually aggressive, drunk behavior, body noises in public, control freak, quick temper (road rage), lack of confidence in their spiritual identity, patronizing to women, spiritually intimidated, not willing to change, emotional immaturity 3. When we are interested in someone, how do we signal, communicate it, or act? MEN say: we start flirting, go out of our way to be nice, sometimes get really quiet around you or have trouble talking, scared to the point of never saying anything, will empty our wallet for you, any invitation to go anywhere to do anything (1-on-1), stay close physically or innocently touch, sustain eye contact, tries to make you laugh WOMEN say: finds ways to be around you, smiles, acts nice to you, starts flirting/teasing more, makes eye contact, , sits close, uses engaging body language, may call, pays attention to what’s going on with you 4. When we are not interested in someone, how do we signal, communicate it, or act? MEN say: will run away when you are around, avoids being with you, gives you “silent treatment”, is “short” when speaking to you or gives short answers, does not call/email/text message, ignores you
WOMEN say: stops engaging in (or cuts off) conversations, gives short answers, does not answer your calls/email/texts, always has other plans (makes excuses), keeps people around as a buffer, uses the “lets just be friends” line, no eye contact, physically stays away from you, may be polite but no more 6. What does the opposite sex need to know about you when it comes to relationships? MEN say: Lots of men do “close the lid” (toilets—meaning don’t assume we are all the same); Making/bringing good food is always a good way to touch a guys heart; Don’t panic when men do extreme things (shoot guns, play with knives, fight/wrestle with buddies etc.); Men sometimes need space and time to hang out with other guys alone; When something important is on our mind it is hard for us to talk about it—you may have to wait a while; Guys like to have an audience and be admired (pander to our ego a bit); it impresses us when you respect us; We cannot read your mind & don’t automatically know what you may need- please directly tell us; If we forget dates (birthdays etc) & details (family names), it isn’t because we do not like you or don’t care WOMEN say: Just because we are nice to you doesn’t mean we “Like” you; “No” does not secretly mean “yes”; If we say we don’t ‘like’ you, back off!; We have good days and bad days (a bad mood doesn’t necessarily mean we are mad or don’t like you); We need to emotionally download sometimes (occasionally cry too) & all you need to do is listen, be supportive and then we’re fine; We want to learn to “like” the things you like—it would be nice if you would try to learn to like the things we like too; We want to be more important than your video game/TV sports when we are “spending time together”; Women are not all the same; we want to be respected, loved & cared for 7. What questions, if any, do you have about relationships etc? MEN ask: WOMEN ask: |
