So... i googled my real name. First Middle and Last... in quotation marks... and i got 2 hits, and they were both actually me. They were Dean's list announcements. Then i googled my First and Last name in quotation marks and got 8,710 hits, and i'm not sure if any of them were actually me, most were a 96 year old artist from New York (well she was 96 when she died). And finally i googled my first middle and last name without quotes and got 1,010,000 hits... none of which were me..... so.

Then i decided to google my pen name, the one i use on here, Beth S. Yarley, and i got 0 hits. So I guess Beth really doesn't exist at all. When i say, pen name, i mean it in the loosest sense, because I've never actually published anything under it so it's not literally a pen name.

I was bored, and those were the results.... and now anyone who reads this will be bored too... so i guess i've accomplished what i set out to do, and that was to gain company for my miserable self.

So, a lot has happened since my last post.

I got a job. If anyone is curious about the title of this post, I will say that I wrote a poem a while back and posted it on here, about a guy i knew. The poem is titled "Tobias." He's a neo-nazi guy, and now i'm working at the supermarket he manages. Oi.

The place isn't just a supermarket though. It is a gas station, deli, electronics store, hardware store, and lumberyard as well. Sort of a mini-walmart type thing. I work in the gas room. It's so frustrating and hectic. This store is one of the few in the state that doesn't require pre-pay, so I'm constantly looking out the window writing down car descriptions and liscence place numbers, all the while rining people's purchases up and letting them pay for their gas. oh yeah, and I also answer the phone occasionally. The fuel room is also the tobacco counter for the entire store, so I'm constantly stocking cigarettes and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Today was my second day, and they've already stopped training me. I'm all by my lonesome, and so far (this is my lunch break) I think i've had three people drive off without paying for their gas, it amounds to about 150.00 in loss.... sooooooooooooo.... I don't like thisjob, but it's better than nothing.

Today was different
I went to that place.
The one hidden deep in the woods.
I drove and drove down the dirt roads.
and finally found the dead end,
and that hidden trail in the woods.
I walked, ducking under branches
swatting at spiderwebs
and tried to avoid turning my ankle
on rocks hidden in the path.
Finally I reached it.
Who would believe that is was there?
This deep clear pool and roaring waterfall.
It stormed yesterday
and the water was mere feet from the cliff.
I remember when we used to close our eyes
and leap. Our hearts pounding all the way.
Always afraid that this time
we wouldn't make it.
But it's only the first of June,
and for me
the water's far too cold,
so I just sat there
on that rock you carved your name in
and looked up through the branches
at pieces of the sun.
There wasn't a cloud in the sky.
I know people say that
all the time, and it's cliche,
but what they don't say is
just how disconcerting
a clear blue sky can be.
A solid mass of blue
stretching forever
unbroken by wisps of white.
It doesn't seem natural.
It's on cloudless days
that I feel small
like I could just
fall into the sky
and never be seen again.