| The Price We Pay...
"to obtain, something of equal value must be lost..."
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| The Burden of Man
I don't claim to have all the answers---in fact, I myself am searching. However, maybe by jotting down some of my ideas, it may help others or even foster some type of dialogue between 2 people in a relationship. You can take my ramblings as serious or jokingly as you see fit. It's my journal, afterall, so I guess I can write whatever I want (you'll have to excuse my eloquence...it's been a while since I've written anything thought-provoking).
The Burden of Man. It's an albatross that we all carry. Sometimes it's self imposed, others it's expected from society. Ever since the dawn of Man, the testosterone-driven members of the male species have carried this burden. What is this burden? It is simply the natural (yes, I stress natural) instinct to provide for and protect his mate and offspring. You can see it everywhere in the animal kingdom. It is ingrained into our being. Society perpetuates the burden by establishing that men are the providers for the family---that men should have the responsibility to bring back the bounty of the hunt. Men hunt, women gather. That's how it's been for eons. Yes, I know it sounds "Neanderthalish", but it's the history of mankind. It is at our very core, what we're born with...the natural instincts of survival and proliferation of progeny.
Fast forward time a few epochs and let's take a look in our modern society.
Society has passed down one of the truths to life---that Man should be the provider for the family. Although there have been many advances in the man-woman equality movement within the past century, it still remains today that men are far more expected to provide for his family. Keep in mind that I'm not diminishing the role of women in a relationship or their ability to provide---but rather, I am trying to highlight the things that are expected from men that aren't inherently expected from women.
Case in point---Marriage. Yeah...I know, I know. The dreaded word for some, salvation for others. Why are guys the ones that have to propose? (Haha...remember that Friends episode when Monica proposed to Chandler?) See, it all goes back to the caveman days where men just used a club, whacked a woman of his choice over the head, and carried her home on his shoulders. Nowadays, just a ring around her left ring finger would suffice---or would it? As you can see, this whole marriage thing can get very complicated even by simply asking the question: Is a ring around a finger sufficient enough to show a man's dedication, loyalty, and commitment to his woman? Now we're getting into the juicy part of this whole discussion.
The weight we carry in marriage/proposing is different than simply providing for the family. Women will never know the internal turmoils of man during this time in his life. If one wrong step is taken, two lives and their future happiness are destroyed by a single miscalculation. I know that it's supposed to be "just love" and you should "do whatever you feel with your heart" etc etc. "Just love" doesn't buy that ring on your finger nor does "doing whatever you feel with your heart" get you that perfect wedding you both imagined.
So what does it take to get to marriage? A man must be well set financially, of course. Financial security is definitely the highest priority. A man must have his career path laid out and he must have started on that path before he can even think about marriage. Honestly, would you stay with a guy that has no financial stability? Even if he wanted to give you everything you wanted on your little wedding, he would totally lack the ability to do so.
So what's a guy to do? It's pretty simple and straightfoward---you work your ass off. You work, sleep, and then work again with the ultimate prize being the ability to provide that perfect little wedding and all the things like the white picket fence, the doggie carrying the lexus keys around his mouth, the honeymoons in Bora Bora and Santorini. Just because a guy shuts up and rolls up his sleeves and digs into his work doesn't mean he don't want to get married---it's quite the opposite; he wants to get married sooner? I think this kind of sacrifice far more demonstrates his commitment, loyalty, and dedication to the relationship.
This is the burden of man. It'll never see the likes of day. Don't you ever wonder why he works so hard? If your man works all day every day, and you never get a chance to see him, don't you ever wonder why? What drives him to the brink of exhaustion only to continue on and on the next day? It's all for the future happiness of not just one person....but two. Just because talks of marriage are put on the back burner, it doesn't mean it's not boiling.
And with that, a woman only has to say "we've lost that spark in the relationship" to completely extinguish the fire.
All that hard work seems for naught. "Is it worth it?" asks someone. "Is all that you are accomplishing worth the time and sacrifices?"
"Yeah..." but I couldn't bear to tell them....
only if it's with you...
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| wow...it's been so long since I've posted anything of worth on xanga. Maybe it's time I started back again. A metric shit-ton of stuff has gone on in my life and now, I have noone to share it with.
So to my loyal readers...you guys are in for a treat.
The return of Hongus to Xanga...
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| dam...it's definitely long overdue for an update...
more on that later
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| got got?thank you for visiting my xanga page...
no, there's really no update....YALL GOT GOTTTT!!!
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