| | Christ our God, reads the prayer, thank you for allowing me to participate in your suffering. Now help me to participate in your glory.
The card was tacked on the wall between one from our parish ("We love you! -- The Georgians") and the photo of Father as a much younger man presiding at one of the large churches he ran before his first, second, and third retirements.
He forgot our names but recognized us and recalled memories we'd shared. He repeated our words thoughtfully, and responded deliberately. Sometimes Father broke off midsentence and appeared to fall asleep. When we spoke again, though, he'd pick up right where he left off, freely switching between English and Greek.
The nurse came with medication, crushing a pill and mixing it with apple sauce. Father, do you want to take your seizure medicine?
Father shook his head.
Father, I know it hurts but this medication is very important. We can get it down in two swallows.
- No.
I'm not going to argue with you, but this medicine will help you and we all hope you will take it.
Father did a double-take and looked hard at the nurse. He said deliberately, - I am arguing with you. This is not me. He paused. - I will take the medicine.
It was him, though. Struggling mightily through a fog but undeniably there. When dinner came we left him to eat in peace.
It was his very last meal. He suffered a stroke last night and I was informed at noon that he was in the ICU on life support, stand by for details.
That call came while I was biking in the prairie. I spun back home faster than ever before, and then drove on to the hospital. Said my goodbyes to a vaguely breathing body with its mouth stuffed full of tubes and an icon pinned to its medical gown.
I'd always thought that the phrase "stinging tears" was a metaphor, a poetic reference to the emotional or physical pain that causes tears to flow.
But it's actually quite literal. When tears wash your face for hours on end, their salt cakes up your cheeks and brows and eyelids. Your skin cracks and chaps and it hurts.
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| | Posted 4/8/2008 12:35 AM - 106 views - 5 comments
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