| | - i just dropped the tab that i wiggled off into my dr. pepper can....
i feel refreshed. renewed. nay, inspired.
maybe just a resurgance of air running through those rickety old creativity ducts. i dunno why, necessarily. but i'm grateful for it. i've been sitting on my floor for the past hour, mutilating magazines for supplies.
i finally picked up mere christianity again. c.s. lewis never ceases to amaze me.
"What God begets is God; just as what man begets is man. What God creates is not God; just as what man makes is not man. That is why men are not Sons of God in the sense that Christ is....They are more like statues or pictures of God...This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life."
i'm coming to grips with being splendidly imperfect. its a process, and not an easy one. i'm so human and want to just fix what is wrong in the quickest way possible. i wish it were that easy, but alas. we have to learn things from our experiences. darn. ah well. my journal is filled with oxymorons about myself. one adjective i want to believe but dont and the other i hold as a truth. one "good". one "bad". but just one me.
i hate being stuck because i'm afraid to seem trite. and i hate being childish when i should be an adult. i hate being torn between laziness and a drive to be productive and letting laziness win. maybe not "laziness" necessarily, but more apathy. ugh. apathy. it sounds pretty, and a lot of people write about it, but i've found that IT IS THE KILLJOY OF ALL CREATIVITY! it murders beauty and mutilates expression. it forces you to fail where you could be magnificent. and apathy's bff is cyncism, along with their posse of synonyms.
"We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, attractive, talented and amazing?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world-there is nothing enlightened about srhinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." -Nelson Mandela
i could go on for hours.
its a rare night when i can go to bed early. and i never do because i fool myself into thinking i have better things to do than sleep.
~rachel~ |
| | Posted 2/16/2005 3:19 AM - 1 view - 1 comments
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