| | - once again i find myself solo in the apartment. but not for long.
i was reading through old xanga entries, appalled at myself 2 years ago.
i'm in a funk. i admit it.
lydia and i always seem to go through different stuff that end up having the same lesson at its heart. its funny. somehow i think our experiences will forever be entwined like that.
so. "what ifs" are the weapon and colonel mustard is the murderer in the ballroom.
i realized this week that my greatest fear about God is that his Will won't coincide with my own. what if it isnt his will that i be healed? thats really the biggest question. what if it isnt? you can know all the verses and truths you want from the bible that says god's plans for you are for good and not evil and his will is always going to be done and its okay blah blah blah. i can't deny truth. but i can certainly do my best to worry about it. so thats kind of the inspiration for this grade A funk.
i do believe that God can do miraculous things and has the power to change everything. but WHAT IF it isn't his will? just like so many things i desire are not his will. maybe thats because i feel like a lot of the things i desire he denies me so i fear that this one thing that i feel mustn't be denied, that i can't function without it changing, if it isnt his will. then i dont know if i can go on.
make my will Your will so i will never be found wanting more.
~rachel~ |
| | Posted 5/21/2005 6:18 PM - 1 view - 1 comments
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