There are some things which i guess have to left unsaid.

Went to Playdium today, it was good 'cept i suck at practically everything. Umm, it was my first time go-carting.. but everyone seemed to think that i had done it before. I honestly never had done it! It was fun.. but i guess i only got into it after the first 2 or 3 laps.. and by then i was behind. But i *think* i managed to get more ahead as I came 2nd and NOT 3rd Cam! (if ur reading this.. ) lol Theres such a sense of togetherness when everyone is here.. i mean today it was Cam, Carlo, Angela, Brian, Janet, Toney, Peter, Khai and Judy. Shame Colina wasn't there and also a certain mr. v. He seriously SUX! I mean, i come all the way from England he hasn't even tried to call me or get in touch with me. I mean, what the hell is he playing at? Fucker. Rah*

I keep having strange dreams.. 2 nights ago, I dreamt that i was in this torture chamber and.. although i wasnt the one being tortured, it was my family. Even more weird is that the person i was kneeling beside wasn't a member of my family. It was a black guy.. kinda looked like John Coffee from "The Green Mile". He was in pain and i could feel his pain. Physically he was ok, but emotionally he was sufferring so bad. Then that was it, i woke up crying. I don't know why the hell i had this dream but i guess its the way i see things. That emotional suffering can be much greater than physical harm. Its seems so true though.. from the way i've been feeling lately, i would much rather be sitting in a wheelchair.

The other dream i had was last night.. I was leaving canada and i realised i had left my white puma bag. A great sadness overwhelmed me, as i knew that i was leaving behind something that would become special to me in the future. (Ok, i can't go in much detail here cuz he reads this.) *private entry

I really really don't want to leave... there is nothing for me back in England. I don't want no more argument with my parents. they get so bad sometimes i just wanna kill myself. No one should go through that shit should they? Why does everything hafta be so fukked up.. I'm not even sure if the person i'm with at the moment is the right one for me. *sigh. There is something about the way of life here that love so much. Why do i feel so sad?

Last night was so fun becuz I went to the beach with Colina, Vince, Crystal, Cam and Khai. It was like at 11pm and talked and played.. haha, sounds sad but it really was so fun! haha I also met two of Colina friends: Tang and Yen.. they were koo but couldnt really talk to them cuz everything i said they kinda laughed at my accent saying "ho duk yee ar!" and "how cute!" Geez.. is my accent really that freakish huh? lolz.. i don't mind it was funny watching them laugh.. Afterwards, we went to Tim Hortons for Hot Chocolate.. it was like 1am and geez it was so busy still at that hour! Its not even a bar or a pub or nething.. just like a cafe! Hmm..Tdot nightlife.. i HAVE to see more of it!

Right now, i've just got back from Sushi lunch, so yummy.. hehe Wanna meet up with V again.. but he's prolly busy so dont wanna hassle him too much. God damnit, why don't he ever call me huh?!

Um.. neways, that kinda took the edge away from my um, "unresolved issues" ..dang. GOnna have to sort them out before i leave otherwise i'm gonna be so confused!

Was supposed to go playdium today.. but um, didn't! Just went to Markville and did sum shopping.. haha, been thinking of hooking my cousin up with this girl who works in Garage Clothing store, but um. he said he wasn't interested.. damnit!

Well, afterwards.. went to pacific to meet up with V*.

I've eaten so much ice-cream i think imma go *pop*.. hehe

Wonderland is now officially organised..can't wait! My parents left yesterday, i felt kinda sad waving them off as i knew that soon it would be me going thru those doors i'm gonna try to make the most of it while i can.. I don't even wanna think about home life back in England as it sucks.

Some shit happened Monday night.. not to me, but to a friend of mines. Its hard to see someone in trouble and to have to just stand there and watch knowing that you can do nada bout it. I know he's down about it too, but hell- does that really mean he can keep brushing me off?! I have tried so hard to not feel bad about it but i can't help it. I call him out and he keeps saying he's busy. I guess i'll leave it. But then i know that if i leave canada without chilling with him i'll regret it. Why doesn't he wanna see me?! Hmm..

And omgosh i suck at Big 2,. peepo over here are so good its embarrassing. *diu I havent had alcohol for 1 week and 4 days.. You hafta be 19 for practically everything down here..