wanted to ramble for the longest time but been busy.  But since i have 2 days cancelled b/c of the flood!... 

So many events been passing and still coming till school ends. has been fun (china nite, rcc dream team, meetings) and going to be exciting (black and white formal dinner, rutgerfest, rcc party, sakura viewing/bloomfest hopefully 'n more)  Then there's the many exams, once a week and then the finals inbetween all this.  But a fun way to end my COLLEGE FRESHMAN YEAR.  how has it been?  A lot of FIRSTS, fun, partying, , meeting new people, struggling with myself, struggling with school. 

I certainly have learned my lesson.

- School, i finally adjusted after a rocky start.  Back on track. Very organized and keeping up [for now].

- Confessing is not the way to go for me.  I think i'm the kind of person who should wait for someone to approach me.  Because i don't know what to do next if i leave myself exposed especially if the other person is just the same.  Sure, at least i don't have to rack my brain the same questions over again, but then the consequence is a uncertain and awkward friendship.  left stranded, can't go back, and its not going anywhere.  I say i don't care if things like that happen.  But it bothers me, like i made it worse than it should be.

FIRSTS:

-First failed exam.  It was my first college exam and i totally did not take it seriously.  That was the start to pick up the slack.

-For someone who has never been 'hit on' it came as a surprise 2 weeks into college. and left paralyzed.  What do i do now?  a bit taken aback and want to avoid it.  Which i guess i did, b/c that's where it ended after that day spent.  A week later another new minor encounter. But these were not things I wanted to deal with.  After that, everyone in college was adjusted and know each other, and it's back to the way it was in high school.  the shy, really nice girl that you don't wanna mess with.  I wanted to change that image but it's just the way i come off.

-frat party?  Which i did not enjoy but it was something to experience.  Its like standing there while people squeeze around holding alchohol.  But it was fun because school had Just started and Mattia 4 was bonding.

o oh. last thing. didn't have the best 'dorming with a roomate' experience.  I can't say its bad, but it wasn't fun either.  Even though i know i'm shy and all, but i never met a person who didn't talk to me, but wasn't a shy person.  I see her talk to much and gossip with her friends but when we are in the room alone, it's complete silence other than the occasional music.  I used to say hi/bye entering and leaving the room but she didnt so i kinda died off doing that.  which made me feel kinda weird and rude but there was no point.  So i thought she didn't like me or something.  BUT she left me fun silly, nice facebook comments, and i was shocked to wake up with a lil x-mas present on my desk.  So i figured, we have this weird relationship where we are distant and cold in person but kind when we don't have to do it directly?  It boggles my mind.  A year of this is enough, i can't wait till next year when i can live comfortably in my room, fart, play my fobby music, and invite friend over with no trouble. XD

and that's my freshman year in a nutshell. Good stuff beginning and end. And everything inbetween was just crap.

i write for my benefit, to keep my sanity.