oh man, i was looking through my archives and found this:

remember that song you used to sing as a kid - 12 little monkeys jumping on the bed?

if you don't remember, it basically goes like this:

10 little monkeys jumping on my bed,
one fell down and broke his head
momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"no more monkeys jumping on the bed."

now - like all songs you sang as a kid, this one makes absolutely no sense.  clearly, this song was about not to jump on the bed right?  it's one of those strange ways our parents teaches us things what not to do (aka, eat watermelon seeds and a watermelon grows in your stomach..etc etc etc.)

but lets seriously think about this for a second.  imagine if you were jumping on your bed with your...9 other siblings.  first of all, your bed better be friggin big to accomodate!  i don't care how small your 9 other siblings are, even a king sized bed would be a tight fit.

and then there's the second line - one fell down and broke his head.  first of all, NO CRAP ONE FELL DOWN.  you have 10 kids jumping on the bed - of course someone's gonna fall.  and WTH!  he BROKE his HEAD?!  if you saw your little brother fall off, crack his skull against the floor or wall -blood everywhere, would i be like "i think i'm gonna keep jumping on this bed."  let alone, eventually all your siblings all fell off and cracked their skulls - would you KEEP jumping?  you would have to be one stupid kid.

and check this mom out - she's so friggin calm.  i mean, she could pick up her kid, throw him in the car and run all the red lights to rush to the emergency room...or even call 911 and have an ambulance do it, but instead, she just calls the doctor...speaking of the doctor, whats up with this quack!?  uh...hello!?  she called because HER FRIGGING KID'S HEAD CRACKED OPEN and the best solution you have is telling the other kids to not jump?  uh..someone better revoke your medical license!  or are you sure the mother ain't calling Dr. KERVORKIAN?

so...basically, let's get this straight...some parent didn't want their kid to jump on the bed, and instead makes a song about their sibling's skulls cracking open, jumping on a bed that's not physically capable of supporting 10 kids, a dysfunctional mother, and a charlatan doctor who's as useful as a solar powered flash light.

so, as a public service, i have made this more accurate version of the song:

3 little monkeys jumping on the enormous posture-pedic king sized bed,
one fell down and cracked his head open with blood and brains oozing out,
all the kids freaked out at the site of blood and never jumped on a bed again.
in fact, none of them ever got near a bed anymore.
after the ambulance visit, and the team of trauma center doctors at UCLA performed emergency brain surgery on the monkey
the mother files a lawsuit and sues against the bed maker claiming the bed was too dangerous.
after 5 years of litigation and lawyer costs and bills,
she wins millions of dollars in the case.  and never works ever again.
the end.

[edit] update to this posted here: http://weblog.xanga.com/revelife/654455339/parable-of-the-talents-week-1.html

I posted this on revelife, but i wanted to keep a copy here too:

I was really inspired by a story i read a few months back about a church in wisconsin where the main pastor rolled into church with forty thousand dollars in cash.  his goal was simple, he walked into the congregation with the stack of cash and read from the book of Matthew:

"And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his ability."

After giving a message on the parable of talents, he then proceeded and gave each congregant money.  he challenged them each to double their money in 7 weeks.

this sunday, i'm going to try the same thing with my youth group kids.  our youth group is looking for ways to raise $8,000 in order to attend a conference set in July.  and at this point, things are not looking too good with the fund raising but at the same time, i truly believe we can pull this off altogether. 

my hope is that these kids will look at money differently.  i think the notion of money and how it's used is so easily perverted in this society - we see it as a symbol of solving our problems, a source of pride, and an escape.  we watch cartoons of people swimming in money...and never see cartoons about people struggling to make money.  we have people hooked on fast cash and resort to gambling, stealing, and deceit.  money seems to mostly feed on selfishness and live in a society where we praise aberrant donations because it's so outside the norm. 

i admit, in my age it's so easy to worship money and all it could provide for myself.  to not worry about rent, paying off bills, mortgages and get whatever i want, whenever i want, however i want...i mean, who wouldn't want that?  but in the end when you pause, you realize everything you feel money can solve are all the things that consume you....as tyler durden would put it, things that own you.

which brings me to this....i always believed God taught us best by challenging us to do...and in that, in those footsteps, i gladly hand this material object to them with the challenge.  double your money...and don't do it for yourself...but do it for the person next to you. 

although some have told me, this is a great lesson to teach them...i have a feeling in the end, they will teach all of us. 

more updates after sunday - i'll let you know how it goes....

p.s.  also if you have other fundraising ideas, please do share!

the summer approaches - and that usually means a plethora of crazy movies coming up.  you guys probably heard of iron man, indiana jones, etc...but there are certain movies i wish they made which i know would be worth every dollar of the $12 that movie tickets costs these days.  so all you director, producer, screenwriter peeps out there - this post is for you.

SURE FIRE AWESOME SUPER DUPER MOVIES

1.  Star Wars - Rated R version
you know it.  a rated R version of star wars would be off the hook.  ewoks decapitating storm troopers, blood spewing from luke's cut off hand, to - remember the end of star wars III when darth vader finds out padme is dead?  instead of him saying "noooooooo" he'll say "F%%^&#*&^^**CCCCKKKK!!!!".  much more memorable in my opinion.  also, "hold me like you did by the lake in naboo" would be turned into ....well, something normal at least.

2.  Matilda - The Professional 2
damn straight.  Leon, or The Professional was one of Luc Besson's best work.  that movie was hands down flipping awesome.  but nothing came about afterwards.  no word on what happened to matilda - she got all that training and nothing.  i think natalie portman should reprise her role as a female hitman...er, hitwoman.  in fact, get gary oldman back in cause he's frigging awesome - somehow he survived the grenade attack and is out to get revenge.  if they can't get gary oldman, then get christopher walken who would be awesome as the villian...speaking of which

3.  Christopher Walken
that's right - a whole movie about christopher walken.  that would be sweet.  except he's doing normal stuff.  eating breakfast, reading the ingredients of his shampoo, saying the pledge of allegiance, or talking in his sleep.  i don't care what it is...if it has tons of christopher walken talking, i'm so watching it.  with or without cowbell.

4.  Abraham Lincoln vs. movies
i think someone should make a series of Abraham Lincoln versus movies.  like Godzilla, abraham lincoln would be a giant.  in fact, the statue in the front of the lincoln memorial, is abraham lincoln himself - actual size.  and he goes out and saves america.  and fights like giant lizards, or giant moths like godzilla did.  but then later, after they make about 10 successful ones, i'm sure the viewing numbers will go down, so they need to whip out random stuff and take advantage of cross promotions- like Abraham Lincoln vs. ET .  badass!

5.  Titanic 2
i bet you're wondering how the heck they would make a titanic 2.  EXACTLY - wouldn't YOU want to knoW~!!?

6.  Voltron - Live Action
before i-robot, before transformers, before awesomeness, there was Voltron.  for those of you that don't know voltron, he was just about the most kick butt robot ever.  power rangers, transformers, etc - all copied voltron at a certain point.  i mean, the dude has Tigers as hands.  that's right TIGERS.  how can you beat a robot with tigers as hands and feet?  you CAN NOT!  and to make things every better, rick astley would form the head and "never gonne give you up would play when all the pieces are coming together.

7.  Pirates of the Carribbean: Ninja Ultimate Power
then once and for all, the debate will end. this must star chuck norris.