Monday, April 14, 2008

  • Movies I Want to See

    the summer approaches - and that usually means a plethora of crazy movies coming up.  you guys probably heard of iron man, indiana jones, etc...but there are certain movies i wish they made which i know would be worth every dollar of the $12 that movie tickets costs these days.  so all you director, producer, screenwriter peeps out there - this post is for you.

    SURE FIRE AWESOME SUPER DUPER MOVIES

    1.  Star Wars - Rated R version
    you know it.  a rated R version of star wars would be off the hook.  ewoks decapitating storm troopers, blood spewing from luke's cut off hand, to - remember the end of star wars III when darth vader finds out padme is dead?  instead of him saying "noooooooo" he'll say "F%%^&#*&^^**CCCCKKKK!!!!".  much more memorable in my opinion.  also, "hold me like you did by the lake in naboo" would be turned into ....well, something normal at least.

    2.  Matilda - The Professional 2
    damn straight.  Leon, or The Professional was one of Luc Besson's best work.  that movie was hands down flipping awesome.  but nothing came about afterwards.  no word on what happened to matilda - she got all that training and nothing.  i think natalie portman should reprise her role as a female hitman...er, hitwoman.  in fact, get gary oldman back in cause he's frigging awesome - somehow he survived the grenade attack and is out to get revenge.  if they can't get gary oldman, then get christopher walken who would be awesome as the villian...speaking of which

    3.  Christopher Walken
    that's right - a whole movie about christopher walken.  that would be sweet.  except he's doing normal stuff.  eating breakfast, reading the ingredients of his shampoo, saying the pledge of allegiance, or talking in his sleep.  i don't care what it is...if it has tons of christopher walken talking, i'm so watching it.  with or without cowbell.

    4.  Abraham Lincoln vs. movies
    i think someone should make a series of Abraham Lincoln versus movies.  like Godzilla, abraham lincoln would be a giant.  in fact, the statue in the front of the lincoln memorial, is abraham lincoln himself - actual size.  and he goes out and saves america.  and fights like giant lizards, or giant moths like godzilla did.  but then later, after they make about 10 successful ones, i'm sure the viewing numbers will go down, so they need to whip out random stuff and take advantage of cross promotions- like Abraham Lincoln vs. ET .  badass!

    5.  Titanic 2
    i bet you're wondering how the heck they would make a titanic 2.  EXACTLY - wouldn't YOU want to knoW~!!?

    6.  Voltron - Live Action
    before i-robot, before transformers, before awesomeness, there was Voltron.  for those of you that don't know voltron, he was just about the most kick butt robot ever.  power rangers, transformers, etc - all copied voltron at a certain point.  i mean, the dude has Tigers as hands.  that's right TIGERS.  how can you beat a robot with tigers as hands and feet?  you CAN NOT!  and to make things every better, rick astley would form the head and "never gonne give you up would play when all the pieces are coming together.

    7.  Pirates of the Carribbean: Ninja Ultimate Power
    then once and for all, the debate will end. this must star chuck norris.

     

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