Wednesday, November 29, 2006
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I was reading through one of my old notebooks this morning. If you've ever worked with me before, you know that I use - always - a notebook, which I use for a myriad of different things. First, I always write out my to-do lists in these quintessential parts of my existence (
). Second, I tend to write notes to people (whether or not they ever get sent/given is another matter). And third, and most tellingly, I tend to jot down my thoughts in these books - whatever happens to be foremost in my mind. Often, I find notes of absolutely and total confusion and annoyance in these notebooks - sometimes eloquent, sometimes just "Why the heck is this happening anyway?!" At any rate, it certainly tells a story when I look through these notebooks of mine...and this morning, one quote in particular, one that I wrote in my notebook a while after the primaries were over in May, and after the OC rally here was over... I remember thinking, "What now? The primaries are over...Ned is gone...the rally is over...So, what now, Lord?" "I am going to miss it all so much! [I wrote, and later quoted in a protected post on my blog.] I woke up yesterday morning with a devastating thought. I had nothing to do…
"Of course, there are many things for me to do. Our campaign for Congress isn't over. GenJ’s Idaho Club has a very bright and promising future in Idaho politics. Jewels will be coming back to ID in August…and I’ll be going to GJ camp. And there are a lot of other things that I’ll be working on over the summer (that’s already begun!!!) Still…there won’t be any OC things to do – except pray for everybody. ......
"People have asked me if I’m relieved it’s all over. You know…I truly, truly thought I would be. I was on Wednesday night. Now, it’s just a satisfaction that I’ve done at least a small part of my part, and also a hankering for more to do, that’s left behind. I can’t help but feel there’s more for me – more for all of us – to do.
"Whatever God has in store, I think I'm ready, now, to hit it - head on. I want to tackle whatever task He would have me do. I feel nearly equipped...and it's most definitely NOT because of my own strength (for I haven't any). It's because I've learned that HE is faithful to equip us for whatever He sets us to. I could NOT have even come CLOSE to doing this without His guidance and strength."
This little excerpt from my notebook, that in many ways sums up my year, brought home to me something that I hadn't realized until now.....
On June 16th, 2006, I felt so confused as to what to do. God had brought me through what was at once a great struggle and a great triumph - namely, the primary elections and the coordination of one of OC's rallies. A couple weeks ago, I felt the same way. What would You have me do, Lord? I asked nearly hourly. It's not that I am not busy enough with school, work, and the like. It's just...a feeling of apathy can tend to overwhelm one when you've come out a period of time when you're poured your all into something.
The truth is - and I've come to this realization slowly, as is usual for me - where God has us, there we must work! Whether it's to do momentous tasks, or just to be the absolute best we can be at chemistry. Ned has said it...over, and over, and over, and over, it seems...and I'm finally starting to understand. Do the small things well.
I can just see God trying to get it through my head. Do the small things well, Emily...do the the small things well. Don't look down on the small things. Your sense of glory isn't like Mine. You may think that you have to be changing the future to be making an impact for Me...but you don't. Draw closer to me. Work hard. Use your time wisely. Touch other people. Love your family. Bless others.
So, here I am. I might be working at a bookstore this year, instead of paging for my representative. I might be working on chemistry, not working on campaign coordination. I might be doing dishes more than I'm doing literature drops. But...I'm going to do it, and do it well.
It's true. Whatever God has for me, with HIM, I'm ready to hit it. Head on.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
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Comments (9)
Good post, Emy dear...I enjoyed it. I do the same thing with the notepads...only being a debater, naturally I use yellow legal pads. Much more easily laid out, more fun to write in, larger area availible to be covered, and somehow so lovely and Legal. *grin* I enjoy them.
I also use them to write letters on...I feel as though I haven't written any letters in a long time. I feel starved for lack of letter writing...maybe I'll just write all my friends some random letters. Maybe. But I don't even have time for normal life, let alone letter writing. *sigh*
Talk to you Friday! *hug*
Lots of Love,
~Livvy
*gasp* I wrote a longer comment than Jed! *grin*
~Livvy
I don't use notebooks. To demonstrate; several months ago I was preparing to leave for a week of youth missions teaching in Colorado. My mom had purchased several new notebooks and I figured to use one. It soon became apparent however that my little sister [Vivian] had developed a previous and momentarily deepening affection for that particular notebook. My dad soon smoothed her feathers with these prophetic words,'' Just give it to him Vivian, he won't use it anyway ''. As predicted, of the two notebooks that went with us all I returned with were two hasty scribblings on the back of a worksheet.
Vance
As an effort at honesty I am forced too admitt that my independence from notebooks is subsidized in part or whole by my Palm handheld.
Joying with you!
~Sarah
Anyways, yeah, I LOVE looking through old notebooks and stuff like that. It's funny to see what you wrote years ago.