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Monday, August 18, 2008

Don't even know what to write. I've always been the calm rational person and for the last month I have been an emotional wreck. I can't even stand myself anymore. I don't know how to get over this man. He called, we talked, agreed we both wanted to work our relationship out. (I NEVER thought I would do that with a guy that cheats, but I love him) Last weekend we went out on Friday, talked alot. He called the next day to tell me how much fun he had and how happy he was. We hung out the next two days and he continued to feed me what was apparently a bunch of crap, because by Wednesday, he emailed me at work that his feelings have changed, he thought we could work it out, but he can't and I should move on. WTF! The cheating was one thing, but I don't understand why he would say all of the things he said over the next week (and he seemed so sincere, crying and telling he how he loved me) I'm destroyed. I don't know how to move on. I don't want to move on. I can't eat (lost 10 lbs which is the only good thing about this whole mess) can't sleep, can't concentrate. I am so lost and hurt and sad. I'm a pitiful mess and I hate it. I know this happens to women every day, but I've never been in this position before. Honestly, I've only loved one other man in my life besides this one. (and the first one, I was young and stupid and he was a straight up pyscho convict that I wasted ALOT of time loving) I didn't see any of this coming, there were no signs, we hardly ever argued. I just don't understand. I haven't been blogging because I sound like a crybaby nutcase and that is not me at all. I've had alot of boyfriends come and go and it's never bothered me before. But this one's killing me. How do I forget ten years?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My world has completely fallen apart and I am devastated.

Friday, July 18, 2008

So I met daughters' friend. Seems like a nice enough guy. (I bet people said the same thing about Ted Bundy!) But they're dating now, so I guess I have to go with the flow. He lives about a hour away so he comes down a couple times a week and my daughter (who can't take the bus to work 10 min away) takes a taxi and train up to see him.
Watched the VH1 Honors The Who last nite. It SO ROCKED! Foo Fighters, Incubus, Pearl Jam, Flaming Lips all covering The Who songs. Didn't want to really watch The Who come on (because it depresses me to see how old they are now) but I did, and they were great. Rogers' voice sounded really good. Catch the show if you can, it was AWESOME.
Went to Sea World last Sunday, just me and the guy. We had such a nice day. Funny, it's "Sea" world but the pictures I took are everything but "Sea" creatures.
Going to see Stone Temple Pilots on the 27th. I've seen them before with the Chili Peppers headlining. This time, STP are the headliners with Wolfmother and I forget the other group.They put on a good show. Their starting to have concerts at Qualcomm Stadium again. (last one they had there was U2 over ten years ago, yeah, I was there)
So glad it's Friday, it's been a crazy week Things are picking up at work which is a good thing.
Son is starting a new job Monday making $35.00 an hour! Little snot makes more $ than me. I guess I should have been a journeyman carpenter.
Gotta get off Xanga and take my ethics test today online. My insurance license expires July 30th (Procrastination is my specialty!) and have to get this test plus two more done at least a week before it expires.
Random Sea World pics. Oh and if you're voting for Ms. Xanga, Vote for Antisoccermom PLEASE. Have a great weekend.

I'm not big on these rides that just hang by a cable, but I went.

One of the Budweiser horses. Looks almost fake. I love the roses in his mane.

My guy had a blast soaking people that thought they had made it thru the raft ride not getting too wet! They came around the corner and for a quarter, you get to aim a high powered hose at them. Fun stuff!

Had to throw in one of the "boys" Nemo and Comet.
I don't know why there is a big space at the end of this or how to get rid of it.. Why can't I work this site?

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

So, my honey is home and I'm a happy camper. Because of the time difference, his sleep patterns were way messed up for the first three days. He'd be wide awake at 2 in the morning and than sleep until 11am (this guy, in the 10 yrs I've known him , has never slept until 11am) I think he's finally "back to normal". He's going back in September.
Went to the movies and saw "Hancock". It was okay. I never get to pick the movies we see. Frankly, going to the movies is like watching TV to me, only with better popcorn. I can take it or leave it. It's not on my list of top ten things to do, but my guy loves going to the movies, so we go.
Was reading some of the "featured question" responses earlier and it's amazing to me how ignorant people still are here in 2008. Seems like people aren't happy, unless their bashing some else. I don't get it.
Anyhow, what's really concerning me right now is daughter. Maybe it's because I'm so old, didn't really grow up in the computer age, but it disturbs me that she meets people via MySpace. Doesn't bother me that she talks to people on there, but she informs me this a.m. as I'm driving her to work that she is off tomorrow and going to Disneyland. (Granted she's 20, but I'm still the mother and she lives in MY house, so of course, it's "who are you going with? blah blah blah) She met this guy on MySpace, she's gone out with him before (and lied and told me she went out with friends from work!) and he's picking her up today, gonna spend the night at his place (WHAT?)and he's gonna take her to Disneyland tomorrow, than bring her home. When I freaked about the staying at his place, she accused me of thinking she's a ho. So I ask, what's his full name. She knew that. (if it's true) Does he have a job? Yes. What does he do? I don't know. Where does he live? I don't know. How old is he? I think he's 27. So I tell her, if you don't come home tomorrow night, what am I supposed to tell the police that I will call? I don't know where he lives, or what he drives or what he looks like, but he might have offed my kid? I don't know if I'm just too paranoid and have seen too many TV programs with men locking women in basements and shit. Is this what kids her age do? It's freakin me out. So I'm gonna surprise her and leave work early and be at home when this joker comes to pick her up. That way I'll at least have the license plate number of his car and know what he looks like. Daughter is just too naive and trusting. At my age, I know how crazy people can be. Seen alot in my lifetime.I know she's an "adult" (yeah, right, you should see her room!) and I can't protect my kids from getting their hearts hurt, but I can and will try to protect them from getting anything else hurt. Am I being paranoid? Do kids meet up with people on myspace alot?
Gotta get some work cleaned up if I'm leaving early.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Random nothingness

Leaving work early to pick up BF at the airport at 1pm. YAY!
Had to bail the son out of jail on Saturday nite. Apparently never finished his community service for his DUI 2 years ago. (and he thought they'd forget about it ! not too bright) I was NOT happy.
Yesterday was the first day of the "no talking on cell phones while driving" law became effective and I saw every other car talking on their cell phone.
The beaches will be packed this weekend, so we won't be headed there. First year that there is NO alcohol allowed on the beaches. ( it's not allowed on any beach as well as no smoking)
My nephew is having a BBQ on the 4th. No kids allowed. Yeah!
Won $509 at the casino Sunday (I was bored and went up for a couple hours) on a nickel slot machine. Funny, I never go to the casinos, maybe once a year, and everytime I go, I win. Maybe I should go more often, but my sister got hooked on those places and after seeing what happened to her (lost her house, her job etc) I think once a year is enough. I was just happy to get the "bail" money back.
Better get a couple things off my desk before I leave. So happy we have a three day weekend.