Sunday, March 25, 2007

• Greeley Places a Phone Call

  EDIT: greeley's on top of your subs again for no good reason other than he likes it on top. what. you don't like it? maybe you ought to take it up with greeley.

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  the zorba club was greeley and three bad-boy geeks in high school they met every day in the back of the physics classroom DURING CLASS but the teacher was cool he'd let 'em screw around back there, blowin stuff up... he musta figured they was learnin' somethin'. and he was right they was learnin' somethin: how to blow stuff up is what they was learnin' cause they had this big old room full of surplus 'lectronics stuff from WWII to draw on and by the end of that year they prolly blowed up at least half of it.

  and the zorba club wasn't just blowin' up stuff with wimpy little batteries, hell no they had JUICE, man...they were jacked right into THE UNITED STATES POWER GRID...they wasn't blowin stuff up, they was  BLOWIN' STUFF UP.

  blowin' it up real good

  so good that sometimes it got totally smoky in there and they had to open all the windows and doors before the next class. i mean, cause...you know... shit was on fire.

  now the physics classroom had a big sliding window that opened into the science office and it happened that the dreaded ms. kolebas, the chemistry teacher, had a planning period during the hour of zorba so greeley and the boys could watch her sittin' in there but hell that woman never did "plan" so much as a lick during her "plannin' period" instead she'd suck down TaBB the whole time and damn greeley ain't even sure they make that shit no more but trust me it was a diet cola kinda thing straight flat LOADED with saccharin to "sweeten" it DAMN it had to be the awfullest stuff ever made but that mean woman she drank it by the crate...anyway back to the story she'd spend her whole plannin' period suckin on TaBB, see, and also between sucks she'd talk on the tele-o-phone to somebody, nobody was ever sure who it was but we figgured it was her boyfriend cause she used to smile a lot then but she never ever smiled any other time

  also, as it turned out the science office tele-o-phone junction box was just outside the window that was right next to where greeley et al was blowin' stuff up. so one day before class greeley went out there to that box and discovered which wires went to miss TaBBsucker's tele-o-phone and then unhooked them and runned them into the lair of zorba and hooked them up such that her phone would ring normal-like when her beau called but then once she picked up he could throw the big-ass frankenstein switch that would disconnect her boyfriend and instead promptly connect her directly to THE UNITED STATES POWER GRID.  

  and so one sunny mornin' that's what they did, see ... greeley and the boys watched ms. kolebas patiently, a-suckin' on that terrible drink of hers...and they waited...and sure enough, right on time that tele-o-phone started a-ringin' (like usual) and ol' ms. kolebas put down her TaBB (like usual) and she picked up the receiver and said hello (just like usual) and exactly then greeley threw that big ass switch which was not at all like usual. what happened? all hell broke loose on the other side of that plate glass window, that's what happened. There was the LOUDEST BUZZIN' SOUND YOU EVER HEAR'D...and ms. kolebas screamed and threw that tele-o-phone about clean through a brick wall.

  that's what happened.

  oh. and there was smoke, too. cause...you know... shit was on fire.

  as fast as he could, greeley yanked them wires out of that connection box so's nobody would be the wiser and yeah well anyway pretty much everybody suspected the zorba boys was behind it, but it was funny enough and kinda clever and hell even ms. kolebas was laughin' about it after she regained her composture some and so that's gotta be worth somethin'...

  next week they called in the tele-o-phone repair guy but hell, he just shrugged and put a new phone in.

  IT'S SUNDAY. IT'S SPRING. STAY OFF THE GRID.

   

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