We all hate being lied to. It makes our blood boil. The more the lie impacts our life, the lives of our family members, or our spiritual service to the Lord, the worse our gut aches at the experience of being deceived.
Active lying is one thing. That is when a person intentionally tells a tale other than the true facts of the situation so as to deceive and mislead another person. An example of active lying is when one’s boss asks, “Did you finish that report?” and even though the report is still hours from completion, we respond, “Yup, it’s done.” This type of lying is what Peter did three times when asked if He was a follower of Jesus. It was an unhappy set of incidents for Peter, especially judging by Peter’s own reaction when Jesus came out of the trial and looked his direction (Luke 22:62).
Another way to lie is to blame-shift. When asked, “Did you eat that fruit?” and we respond, “That other person made me do it” we are attempting to shift the blame to that other person. It is our way of trying to get the focus off our own culpability. This form of deceptive misleading is what Adam first tried with God by blaming the episode on “the woman that You made”--God was not much amused and it did not go well with Adam.
Yet a third type of lie is the withholding of relevant information, by which a false or misleading impression is intentionally given to another. False impressions sound innocent, but are they? Ananias and his wife Sapphira wanted to look good in front of other Christians, only thing was, the other Christians were giving away all they had so that those saints who had been persecuted could continue to eat and buy shelter (Acts 5). Ananias and Sapphira concocted a plan: they would sell some excess land, keep back some of the money, and pretend they were giving all they owned to the Lord by handing a partial sum to the apostles. God revealed the deception to Peter. The Holy Spirit was not much amused and it went badly for the couple (Acts 5:10).
Withholding truth, so as to convey a false impression, is deception, the core of a lie. For example, if you smash the front corner of your father’s car into a wall, then park the car on the street, and leave it to circumstance to allow your father to come to the conclusion that the car was damaged by a hit and run driver, you have lied. It was your responsibility to actively seek to tell the truth and to alleviate your father of the financial impact resulting from your poor driving actions.
Other deceptions by silence that have actually occurred in churches are: the elder board becomes aware that the senior pastor has become addicted to drugs and never informs the congregation (after 5 years the pastor simply resigns into a form of early retirement with only a few being the wiser); a church elder rapes a grade school child and the pastoral staff does not inform the parents, the police, or the congregation for an entire year (the child finally informs the parents after a year of fear-filled suffering and the elder is arrested); a popular pastor convinces the congregation to go into millions of dollars of debt to remodel the sanctuary without telling them that he has already taken another job with another ministry and will soon leave them with no senior pastor; and an elder board sends the senior pastor on a church-paid vacation overseas during which they reorganize the ministry leadership in key areas without his knowledge.
Somewhere, somehow, we have gotten the idea that if we just do not say something to the people to whom the truth makes a relevant difference, it is not deception. But the fact is, if the truth that remains unspoken would make a difference to another, would help another by removing a doubt, would alleviate someone’s anxiety, would help someone make wiser and more godly decisions, would help resolve a conflict instead of whitewashing one, then the truth withheld is a lie, a cursed lie, a deceptive silence.
To be sure, not all truth must be spoken. Our opinions need never be shared, and that harms no one because opinions are not fact, they are assumption-based conclusions we draw based on feelings more often than on fact. Other times, withholding facts may be for the purpose of humility, also a very acceptable and commendable motive for silence (2 Corinthians 12:6).
At times, we withhold the truth because we think we are averting a conflict. Yet often, we are merely delaying the inevitable disagreement, and actually making it worse via the deception of silence which we employed. Those tensions which might have been easily handled with an honest and open discussion can evolve into an irreconcilable discord. Often, quite often, this is because we have prejudged another’s heart and spirituality, convicted them in absentia of “probably going to react badly” to unpleasant news, and executed sentence by not consulting with them prior to some event which will impact their lives. Naturally, such persons will find out about the event and the deception of silence, realize that they were prejudged as untrustworthy and unteachable, and will sever relationships with those who have acted deceptively.
As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, (Ephesians 4:14-15)
Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet, do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. (Ephesians 4:25-27)
In the Four Guidelines of Christian Communication, the first Guideline reads, “Be Honest.” This means telling the truth, the entire and open truth, to those to whom it is owed or to whom it will make a difference. This includes repeating the truth of pure doctrine or revealing the falseness of unsound doctrine (Ephesians 4:14-15). It also entails telling the truth to preemptively resolve conflict, even if the other person becomes angry for a day (Ephesians 4:25-27), for to withhold the truth to whom it is due is to give to the devil free reign within Christ’s church--Satan being the father of lies.
and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free. (John 8:32)
I do not recall having yet read, “and if you conceal the truth, the deception will set you free.” Praise the Lord that He is the truth, and He has set us free!
