| | Up at 3am. Not sure what I am blogging about, but it is
nice and quiet, and I have my attention all to myself. It's
nice.
Too much neediness around me, and it is driving me crazy.
Everyone in this house. Various others. I feel like
covering my ears and doing the "lalalalala" thing and running
away...perhaps to the library ...just for a few hours.
And get engrossed in a really good book. Make that a bookstore,
so I can have a warm something to drink beside me. And maybe a
cinnamon roll or scone or something. Better make that my favorite
coffee house then, where Bev the owner will take care of me. She's a
mom-type who treats everyone like they are long-awaited family home for
a visit. She makes the best cinnamon rolls I've ever
tasted, besides. And she bakes them in a cast iron frying pan...so they
are baked with some traces of iron. Good for tired blood of an
overly stressed-out and depleted person..
Back from my fantasy. I'm way off balance and am searching for
my own peace. Yet the work I need to do to bring back balance seems too
hard to do right now. Dd has been wakeful at night a lot
too...and
upset...having dillusions and nightmares...crying out for me in the
dark room when I am right next to her, and panicking when I reach out
to reassure her. She doesn't know it's me...I guess she is still
half-asleep. So I feel like the need to give is never-ending on
many days/nights lately...no break. Ds has been pretty
volitle as of late too...but we started more of a structured routine a
few weeks ago, and it seems to be helping him. Dh helped with the
laundry and dishes yesterday...that was a big psychological lift.
Burning, burning, burning out. Trying not to crash.
I read this book very, very quickly. A great understanding of autism from someone who lives it.
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| | Posted 1/18/2005 4:03 AM - 11 views - 4 comments
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