i have read the great divorce...i read that before i read a grief observed, where this line of thought solidified.  (and what i found really odd was that the divorce was written before a grief observed, and if you're read the latter, lewis has a helluva time accepting what he had known so clearly just a few years before.  go figure).  anyway, you know that one scene where there's the wife, and she's talking to her husband who is chained to the giant?  when i read that, i just got pissed off at the wife, who was so ambivalent at her husband's existence.  and i really don't like that whole "it doesn't matter if you're here or not, because we're all equal" type thing.  that's just so disturbing. this is all really stemming from this one relationship i have, which i've been trying to get away from, because this person is striving for that ambivalence.  the way i see it, if you work so long and so hard just to be treated like an equal of someone that had no importance, no influence, not even a presence, why work at all?  it ends up the same way, according to this view.  shouldn't it be more like...a party.  when i had my grad party, people kept showing up, and every time one of them would appear, i was elated, and even more so when my closest friends showed up.  but i didn't give them any more importance over anyone else that was there.  many times, while writing this, i begin the sentence "if heaven is like that, then i don't..."  but then i always stop myself there, because that'd be just stupid of me.  i suppose it's a like it or leave it kind of situation.  maybe my biggest qualm is a loss of individuality.  i had being lumped into categories, which is exactly what this does.  who are we but the summation of our relationships?  and if those relationships don't matter anymore, then who are we?

anyway, back to that whole other thing i was complaining about.  why can't the two be concurrent?  if i'm praying for a new job, or a car, why can't the result be  i get closer to God and a job?  so long as the former is the greater joy, what's wrong with that?  it seems that, as long as you're willing to let go when the time comes, and remove that object and see what's behind it, that should work.  and it has, for me at least.  just now, it's not.

oh, an, didn't et get led into the house by rese's pieces?  :)  and, i'll give u some cool pointage.  how does, 23 sound?

ciao

So, I was reading your Interests column and I read theology for fun! well, not all the time. But, I try. Ok, ok, I listen to it on tape... well Theology of the Body on tape, and I read some stuff last year for fun, but I wish I was reading some now. That's one of my summer goals I haven't quite gotten to yet. I am trying to read more; I used to read tons, but stopped when life got to busy and I lost my attention span. But! I am working it back up. So, you should let me know of any suggestions of what to read :) but you are way cool B! I love it