Top five reasons why pictures go bad

I'll be doing my top five lists again, since I'll be preoccupied with stuff this week. It'll be easier for my brain to put out information and makes it easier for you to read several of them in one sitting. Anyways, I had to comment about the omni-present existence of bad pictures..awesomely bad pictures. Of course, we're not trapped in a 90's time warp where bad is good...here, bad is bad...maybe it's can be considered super-bad. As I mentioned yesterday about online anonymity, there's the reverse visual punishment of bad pictures. Sometimes we might think that a picture setup is sexy or artistic, but in the end, they end up being way too strange to be called anything pleasurable to view. Heh, I'm guilty of this faux-pas back when I was a whelp on the Internet, but I've learned a few tips that I can share with some of the awesomely bad picture posters out there.

5.) No kiddie porn zone: One reason why most pictures go bad is the inclusion of children. Okay, we understand that you take good care of siblings or cousins, but leave them out of pictures that you post on the Internet! This is the biggest faux-pas on adult websites, where they're asking you to show your dong and other hot pictures, but you post a picture of you and your nephew on that Sunday trip to Six Flags. Gee, I'm sure you want to be seen as attractive and friendly, but don't put those family pictures next to ones of your penis.

4.) Solo expresso: If you plan to be in a picture with someone, our old cynic's rule was to never have the other guy be more attractive than you. Heh, yes, that's basically true, but if you do end up with someone in a picture on purpose, make it seem like you're enjoying it. Most of the time, I find guys posing together, but the expressions on their faces seem to show a sharp disinterest. Sure, you don't have to make a visual enticement for a threesome on every picture, but at least try to show that you're enjoying each other's company (or body).

3.) Reflecting bods: Ahemm, I'm talked about this one before. As for most of us, it's sometimes hard to find another person who can take pictures for you, especially if they involved the naked kind. However, it's extremely annoying to see yourself pointing a camera at a mirror, because they're extremely intrusive. The biggest advantage to the "point-my-camera-at-the-mirror" technique is the impossibility to pose or flex your body. Even if you have weenie muscles, you can still flex something...which will be quite difficult to do if you have to position a cameraphone in front of the mirror.

2.) Satellite perspective: Sorry, but a similarly bad technique is the "let's-turn-the-camera-backwards-and-shoot" perspective. For one thing, most of these cameras can't show you what angle you're shooting nor do you get an idea of what you look like in the shoot until after you're done. So, you're pointing the camera at yourself like an idiot, only to find out that you took a picture of your left nostril. Gee, in this situation, I'd probably tell you to go step in front of a mirror.

1.) B-setup: What could be the absolute worst way to take a picture of yourself? Heh, well it's what I call the bad setup. Sometimes we need to create an excuse to take our own pictures..since we're probably devoid of any real reason to actually go out and do in the real world. So, we instead find some crazy reasons to take a picture, which end up not being too sexy nor funny in the end. Self portraits are nice, but you got to make them somewhat reminiscent of reality. However, we don't need to see pictures that bear little or no relevance to you...at least when you're seen with other people. Heh, so keep those pictures of yourself on the toilet private, okay?