Every so often I resent myself for working so hard to recover my function with my knees.  Sounds really stupid, I know.  Why do I resent the recovery of function? Because it meant consciously refusing to take permanent disability.  If I had accepted disability, I would not be getting up to go to work.  If I had accepted disability, I wouldn't have liked myself very much. If nothing else, it was my pride that kept me from admitting for several years how very much pain I was in and kept me going.

So why doesn't my pride step right up to the plate and recognize that my obesity is disabling me  physically ? I don't move as easily as I could.  I'm sure I could draw breath more easily.  Not to mention a dozen little difficulties, subtle ones, that occur throughout the day because of my weight.

I don't have an answer, I don't even have a sentence to start an essay on this topic.  All the usual reasons that I've explored over the years come to mind and are so worn out the words will not print on the page, so transparent are my arguments.

much, much later........

Work was busy, and Home Health promises to be busy also.  Which is good. 

My physician appointment went well.  The decision has been made to see a Gynecologist and have an endometrial biopsy to see what kind of cells are floating around in there. Then we'll proceed.  I feel somewhat lighter, so this is good. 

I stepped on scale as part of the pre-visit check in and was delighted to discover that even though eating has been part of my altered coping strategy of late and I feel bloated out to here, that I weighed less than the last time I was checked.  So maybe there's hope for me yet.

I'm off to bed.  Have to go spread cheer and joy all about the county tomorrow. 

Oh, and just for the record:

GO WHITE SOX! 

They look as good this year as Boston did last year.  As long as the Yankees don't win, life will be tolerable.  Who am I fooling? Life is quite ducky regardless of outcome.  At least with Boston eliminated, I can cease chewing the flesh off the sides of my thumbs.

Blessings abound