I am probably not going anywhere this weekend.

I have a recurrence of a sinus infection.  It's been plaguing me since February.  I think it's been aggravated by the cigarette smoke of some of the  Home Health patients I see.  Though I ask them not to smoke while I am there- I am genuinely allergic to the smoke- the smoke curtaining the air is inhaled and Voila! irritated sinuses.

Still no pay rate from the new office- saw my schedule and it would definitely be easier to handle.  Now if they would only disclose the hourly wage, I could make a decision.  Of course, I'm negotiating with Home Health for increased work there, so the schedule they provided is much sweeter than Home Health.  No weekends or Holidays, ever.  Comparable benefits.  Less driving.  Less complicated, and there fore engaging, things for me to do.  No need to get on my knees to perform blood draws, IV insertions, etc.  No need, really for IV insertions.  No Huber ports, no time to get to the nitty gritty of where people need help other than the physical.  Little time to get to know them as well with more of them to know.

I want an easy decision.  I do not want anyone to be disappointed in me, but most of all I do not wish to disappoint myself.  It has been a lifelong ambition of mine to wear myself out by trying to be everywhere at once.  I must accept that I cannot do this.  Not in this dimension, anyway.  And while the thought of becoming a Nurse Practitioner is attractive,  I do not have the energy to do so at this time.

So....I'm on my fourth course of antibiotics in as many months.  I have a low grade fever.  I do not think it is wise to drive four hours to see my friend in Old Orchard Beach and then drive three more hours up the coast to Mom's.  And there is the inevitable seven to eight hour drive home during Fourth of July type traffic in order to return in time to obtain my assignment for the holiday.  I am disappointed at having to do the mature thing yet again.  I am angry and disappointed that there has been no decision from the new practice regarding hourly wage.  Of the two places to work, it would be less physically demanding.  It would be more challenging to work with large numbers of patients than the one on one qualities of Home Health. 

I want to make the right decision.  Unfortunately, at this time I do not know what that is, exactly.  So for now the right decision is to go to sleep and wait.  Worse case scenario, I flip a coin.  Heads Home Health.  Tails Doc's office.

Ahh, well, I'll get to spend time with husband at home.  Especially if he doesn't get called in over the weekend.  He's on call for the hospital for a second week in a row on Friday.  It's been quietish on the maintenance front despite the incessant leaking of the hospital's flat roofs.

Blessings abound