A little rest, a little good food, a little sunshine. These are a few of my favorite weekend things. To bask in the sun on the burgundy slip-covered loveseat until sleep steals my eyelids down is bliss. To be away from the demands of the phone and people wanting what they want when they want it, divine. 

I am experimenting with re-opening my massage practice on a limited basis. There are a select few people with whom I would be willing to work with. I'm thinking one person a week, here at the house. Now that the floors in the dining area are done, it's easy to set up the table and work around it. Last week  I did a full body massage for an old client. This morning I did some neck and shoulder work for a friend. One paid, one was a favor.

I really liked having that one on one time with a person, the energy that flows when working with another human being. Peaceful with the sunshine streaming intermittently into the room, punctuated by periods of darker light when cloud cover came through the sky. 

The floors still glow, though they are starting to show a little wear and tear from the few weeks they've been down.  The improvement to the appearance of those two rooms is amazing, better than I could have imagined.  Which isn't that hard to do since my ability to visualize an end product of decor is not one of my stronger traits.

I still feel anxious, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop, the banana peel to miraculously appear under my unsuspecting foot. I am still on alert.  I did some self massage on my low and mid back earlier.  Though not as satisfying as relaxing into the capable hands of a massage therapist I trust, my work on myself is none too shoddy and very acceptable to me. My muscles are tight and in need of refreshment. I do what I can and kiss up the rest. Why can't I kiss up more than I do? Release it to whomever or whatever and be content to see how it goes.  I wonder how those who claim to have reached that Let Go and Let God place manage to stay with it. I wish I could cultivate a sense of curious expectation, wondering yet detached to the outcome, trusting and able to roll with the unexpected, to revel in what the world throws my way and be happy no matter what comes my way.

Having the chemicals in my brain be a bit confounded does not help cultivate that way of being, and yet I must give myself credit for trying. I don't give up easily. I do persevere. Sometimes I am tired of trying. I long for a feeling of peace that seems to elude me at times.

Time to rest.

Blessings abound