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| First thing first. I am so freakin tired!!! Secondly, people are too freaking needy - sorry work, i don't get paid enough to be a god dang therapist. Third aka i've signed onto this thing after however long .... VENT VENT VENT
Honestly, I don't get it. I don't have time for games and I don't have time for your ass to figure out what you want. It's bullsheet. It's annoying. I'd like to be patient but why do I have to wait on someone? For once in my life, please god, why won't someone wait for me? I'm exhausted. Shit, just go back to her and stop fooling yourself and me. I'm a single freaking mom I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE! Is that not obvious? Are you that big of a selfish douche bag to think that all this time I've invested in "us" is to be a little more than friends? No I don't care about no damn title, I'm not in high school ... but fuck, of all titles, "friends" is ridiculous considering we've gone past that. Grow up. Move on. Take action. I'm not going to be here forever - I'm about about to close the candy store and you can be the broke ass fat kid looking in window wishing you could just have a taste. Sorry baby, the best things in life ain't free. That's it. I need to get out of this city .. even just for awhile. I don't care where I go. God dang fool - I swear.
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| Wow, life has changed. What I would do to be able to sleep in today. Why does he wake up at 7 am to play? Who does that? Don't have babies folks until you're hella rich to buy a super nanny. Dad went to play golf and mom has church stuff ... Can't really ask them to stay because I'm hungover. Not the greatest excuse. Jeez, I hadn't drinken that much since I was 21 and acted like I was 13. I think I'm really 13 going on 30 at heart. NEVER AGAIN. I'm gross and ugly.
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| after the whining, crying, multiple diaper changes, chasing, cleaning, drool and all those fun things that accompany a baby ... it's all worth it at the end of the day to watch mateo sleep. i've never witnessed anything more peaceful. it's the only thing that i can truly say, warms my heart. after months of trying to figure out my relationship with my son, i'd say that i finally love him like a mother should. haha that might sound bad i know.
so after talking with a friend and looking at old pictures, i realized how much i've changed within a couple of months. everything has changed. my hopes. my dreams. my way of life. i think having to make a responsible transition from jennifer without child to jennifer with child never came to mind when i was pregnant. i guess when i was preggo jro the only thing on my mind was that i was going to have a son and never thought past that. i know, way to plan ahead jennifer. high freakin five. anyway, i always thought i would go back to my old life b/c i didn't want to feel constricted. i hate the idea of something/someone changing me. well it's stressful to fight reality. and so now, i want to change and not because i have to but because god gave me something special and i guess this is my calling now. wow, ive never gotten spiritual on xanga haha. besides, being hung over with a crying baby is pure torture and accidently throwing up in mateo's diaper bin thingy really was a huge blow on my self-esteem as a mama haha. eh, who's perfect. i know, bad jro. so there it is. i'm no longer invincible.
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| now my vegging session with jackie is completed ... now that i haven't smoked in 3 1/2 days ... now that school is over ... now that i've gained 6.5 lbs ... now that ive been single for a year and half ... i must ... and i shall ... workout ... sigh
so most girls know every detail about their wedding. i don't think about such things. okay well maybe i think about wether i'm going to wear white or a shade close to it haha. anyway i have found a song. the only thing that ruined the movie for me was when drew barymore goes "and i am so in love with you." stupid reaction and line...
I wanna make you smile,
Whenever you're sad,
Carry you around
When you're arthritis is bad
All I wanna do,
Is grow old with you
I'll get you're medicine,
When you're tummy aches,
Build you a fire
If the furnace breaks
Oh, it could be so nice,
Growin' old with you
I'll miss you,
Kiss you,
Give you my coat
When you are cold
I'll need you,
Feed you,
Even let you hold
The remote control
So let me do the dishes
In our kitchen sink,
Put you to bed
When you've had
Too much to drink
Ohhhh, I could be the man,
Who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you
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| so now that i spend many hours inside the house, ive been watching reality tv. i know. it's a sick guilty pleasure. anyway, the show "the bachelor" ... omg it's so fucked up. girls will open their hearts to the SAME guy. they kiss the SAME guy. they all think they have something special with the SAME guy. it's ridiculous. like today, the chick from sugar land is crying her eyes out on nat'l television because she wasn't given a rose (basically a stupid token to say they've made it to the next round). in the meantime, andy is toasting with the remaining women. the way they edit the damn show, you can't help but feel sorry for the girls that get voted off because some of them have genuine feelings for this lame-o dude. ugh. it's ridiculous how these women are emotionally exploited and yet, i can't change the channel ... good job editors
i think i like xanga now b/c no one goes on it. feels like there's less eyes and now i can happily type whatever the fuck i want. kinda nice.
been chewing a shat load of gum. i'm going to try and quit those cancer sticks. one day mateo is going to want to run and play some sport. look at me. shit, i'm not athletic. so i figure, if i can't throw a ball, the least i can do is run after one and i think i'm going to need both lungs to that ....
wow. i'm feeling a little old. so chrissy came in town 2-3 weeks ago and i'm still feeling a little tired hahaha.
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