Saturday was CFL... sucked... - -;;

First round--had no idea wtf was going on. Lost. BADLY.

Second round--AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA dont even want to go ther.

Third round--against... kelsey n sharada. Won by like... a TINY margin... why only by a TINY margin when they dropped every single one of 7 argument except democracy promotion and xo... wont go ther...-bangs head on board-

I think I scared ppl... after the 3rd round... -cough- xx

oh yea... and the following took place around an hour ago...

"I GOT AN 800 ON MY SATII!!!!!" -jumps around-

"Oh... what is that... full score?"

"YES!!!"

"Oh well... ur suppose to get that anyway..." -dad looks bored-

- -

and mother says... "great... i'll giv u $5"

thnx giving was fun... my cousin <3 came over from california on monday... so i didn't do much of anything (hw-related neway xD)... and... we had fun arguing w/ an a$$hole from california... who was actually convinced i was a lesbian... oO... and who also thought i was thirteen... and... who also thought landmass could drown... - -

went to c hp on wednesday... w/ wendy... ueworm... and chang. And then suffered listening to... "omg Cedric's so hot" - -; on the bright side from ue's FAST walking wendy n I got to liv till... 160, i think xD

i keep on forgetting i hav TWO cousins in california - -;; tho the other is only 2. And. Cute. but... Annoying... and... SCREAMING... and... -sighs-

he hates me.

actually come to think of it... most little kids hate me... -insert scene of cassidy crying wen she first saw me-

well... after they left this afternoon... the first thing my mother says is "help me w/ chores n go do ur hw" T-T

...instead i experimented w/ pastels and hung the huge completed (tho rather... strange) picture in my room so its not so 'disgustingly empty' anymore -glares at TWO CERTAIN PPL- -coughs-

the thought of school in 2 days is so depressing...

THEIR reasoning

- i talk on aim b/c i get help on hw
>>
-if i ask questions then im stupid
>>
-since i ask questions on aim then aim makes me stupid
>>
- i cant talk on aim

- i cant talk on aim
>>
-if i'm talking on aim--
   -if m asking 4 help then m too stupid 4 my classes
>>
-I hav to quit my classes
>>
- i cant talk on aim

-i quit my classes
>>
-i wont b able to go into a good college
>>
-then m stupid
>>

END RESULT

m stupid and i cant go on aim

does anyone c how fucked up this is?!!!!!!
this is my life. It's an endless repetition of

ur on drugs
ur stupid

anything that makes u happy is bad
if hw makes u frustrated then hw is good
if u hav fun doing hw then u must b on aim
if ur having fun then  ther must b something wrong w u
if ur not angry then i must make u angry

if i c u on aim then ur always on aim
if i c u doing hw it just happens to be that ur lucky

if u do anything too much i hav to scream at u, even if I was the one who made u this way in the first palce
if u do anything too little i hav to scream at u, even if I prohibited u from doing it in the first place
-repeat-

i cant think straight right now. this is righ after nested loops in ap comp and my dad makes the most MORONIC analogy of talking on aim to a person on a murder trial.

they dont get it. I'M THE WAY I AM BECAUSE THEY MADE ME THIS WAY. ITS NOT MY FAULT. THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO THEM THEY SCREAMED AT ME BEFORE THEY EVEN STARTED LISTENING. BECAUSE THE CHILD CANNOT TALK TO THEIR PARENTS. IF THEY TRY TO COMPROMISE THEN ITS DISRESPECT. THEY REFUSE TO TRY TO GET IT. IT'S BECAUSE THEY 'KNOW' I'M WRONG. I'M ALWAYS WRONG. THEY WONDER WHY I'M MESSED UP. ITS BECUAUSE OF THEM.

TO THEM I'LL ALWAYS BE STUPID. I'LL ALWAYS BE LAZY. NOTHING I DO WILL EVER BE RIGHT. NOTHING I DO WILL EVER BE ENOUGH.

THEY THINK IF THEY JUST RANDOMLY BARGE INTO MY LIFE AND SCREAM AT ME AFTER YEARS OF "I DONT CARE, U CANT DO IT" I'LL LISTEN. THEY THINK IF THEY SHRIEK AT ME WITHOUT ANY REASON THAT'LL GIVE THEM RESPECT.

In the end. the death they pronounced for my future will not be my doing.

because it's not me. I tried. I've given up.

ITS THEM.