Friday, February 01, 2008
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Quotables - Professor Moger
1. Professor Moger: “Wednesday we are doing Creation and Evolution. I expect that lesson to be a big bang.”
2. Professor Moger: “We won’t be teaching anything that isn’t in the Bible… Sex and violence are in the Bible.”
3. Professor Moger: “Nobody ever was strangled by a bowtie.”
4. Professor Moger: “I got the reputation of being some kind of a hard nose among the professors. I’m not, I’m a teddy bear… I am really a nice lovable guy… I think.”
5. Professor Moger: “I think Dr. Mitchell bans all forms of technology… from your life.”
6. Professor Moger: “Dr. Smith is not here anymore, but I miss him. Just like I miss the Cold War.”
7. Professor Moger: “I did once IM a student I knew was in class. That was because I knew they were in Dr. Smith’s Philosophy class. I was emailing her philosophy jokes trying to get her to laugh.”
8. Professor Moger: “My class is worth every penny you pay.”
9. Professor Moger; “This is why we need universal healthcare, because of eyeless cavefish.”
10. Professor Moger: “You know attendance is not mandatory. What are the rest of you doing here?”
11. Professor Moger: “This is the fruit of the new attendance policy. I know you are all here because you love me.”
12. Mr. Moges: “I am an equal opportunity professor. I will call on you whether you raise your hand or not.”
13. Professor Moger: “Why do you think I’m not lecturing on what’s in the textbook?” Lucas: “Because you didn’t do the reading?”
14. Professor Moger: “What’s a DWEM? Dead White European Males.”
15. Professor Moger: “I’m sure there are some very nice insurgents.”
16. Professor Moger: “We have one word for snow: cold.”
17. Brady: “We don’t shave our legs.” Professor Moger: “Speak for yourself.”
18. Professor Moger: “God just made some people dumb.”
19. Professor Moger: “God created us to populate the earth. Homeschool families are doing their part.”
20. Professor Moger: “Do we have any Egyptologists in here? No, okay, then I’m going to start making stuff up at this point.”
21. Professor Moger on pyramids: “The aliens stopped coming down and giving them the diagrams… don’t put that in your notes.”
22. Professor Moger: “What’s a strip mall? A place where people strip.”
23. Professor Moger: “They didn’t interview squirrels and get the oral account.”
24. Professor Moger: “Hammurabi could have been a Republican.”
25. Professor Moger: “Where are the ten lost tribes of Israel?” Rachel whispers: “In Utah.”
26. Professor Moger: “You will go to historian hell for writing a sentence like this.”
27. Professor Moger: “Jonathon Horton… Where is Jonathan Horton?” Joe: “He’s also on the girls soccer team.”
28. Professor Moger: “Thankfully for us Germans are proud and drink a lot of beer.”
29. Professor Moger: “So we’re more superstitious today because we believe that a man can fly around in his underwear?”
30. Catoe: “Is there a difference between a temple prostitute and another type of prostitute?” Professor Moger: “I don’t know, I don’t have experience with this.”
31. Professor Moger: “I like chick flicks.”
32. Professor Moger: “Superman… He fights for justice just like George Bush.”
33. Professor Moger: “I’m only giving your textbook a B for that answer.”
34. Professor Moger: “I draw the line at Jane Austin. It lowers your testosterone level.”
35. Professor Moger: “I would say Bill Clinton is a good example of a Sophist.”
36. Ryan: “Is this a trap, it feels like a trap.” Professor Moger: “It’s not a trap.”
37. Professor Moger: “[The dialectic] was the philosophical equivalent of a colonoscopy.”
38. Jonathan: “I think we have to be careful to call schizophrenia crazy.”
39. “I actually did spend some time in prison […] I was a chaplain, don’t worry, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
40. Professor Moger: “Flattery will get you everywhere.”
41. Professor Moger: “Sex and violence, yes that is a theme of the lecture today.”
42. Professor Moger: “the tools that historians use are clunky tools.”
43. Professor Moger: “Historians are doofuses. They can’t even figure out when Rome fell.”
44. Professor Moger: “Romans had a lot of hair that needed plucking.”
45. Professor Moger: “We’re a happy little class studying a happy little religion, Islam.”
46. Professor Moger: “They got the holy okeydokey.”
47. Professor Moger: “We’re part of a great heritage of sleep-deprived scholars” Kate: “Sleep-deprivation is a long Western Tradition.”
48. Professor Moger: “You can’t just go down to your friendly arms dealer like you can today.”
49. Professor Moger: “You know how they say there is no such thing as a stupid question. It’s not true. There are stupid questions. I’ve asked a lot of them in my life.”
50. Professor Moger: “I love the French. Who would we make fun of if not for the French?”
51. Professor Moger: “Three things students require: food, lodging, and drinking. Of course things have changed today: students don’t have to eat!”
52. Professor Moger: “What’s up with the God-man.”
53. Professor Moger: “She named her son Astrolab. I’m not making this stuff up.”
54. Professor Moger: “They had more athletic fleas in the Middle Ages.”
55. Professor Moger: “The art may be exposing itself to you, but you don’t have to expose yourself to the art.”
56. Professor Moger: “Trying to get a lawyer into heaven is very difficult.”
57. Professor Moger on Thomas More: “He’s the patron saint of lawyers.” Brady: “Are you sure he’s in heaven.” Professor Moger: “Moving on…”
58. Professor Moger: “Weddings are terrible.”
59. Professor Moger on the Vatican: “All this was funded by your peasant German ancestors.”
60. Professor Moger: “You can buy a church office on credit.”
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