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| Tales from the CrypticYep. Probably one of the most cryptic entries I'll have on here. I HAVE to get some of this out of my head though. Plus I like crypts. Bad person?
Right now I just want to give up on so many things. I'd give up homework in a heartbeat if my attending Luther weren't contingent on good GPA's. I could give up on listening. My ears and heart were full of memory but are going to need an upgrade at this rate. I could just stop caring, but where would that leave me? Probably in the middle of nowhere.
Instead I'll keep truckin'. Summer is almost here and change and sunshine will occur which equates to happiness. Summer could be a bad thing, but only time and next semester will tell. Hopefully everything will go down my way. 'Cause it's my way or the highway.
I must avoid patterns. I'm just paranoid about them. I really have no idea if anything will repeat itself, but that's probably why it scares me. Mer mer.
Cryptic. Greek, from kryptos meaning 'hidden'. | | |
| CommunicareWow. Just wow. So many things in which to be disappointed. Let's all get up, and grow up. Together, now. Collectively.
I've come to some realizations lately. Some positive ones that are keeping me sane in light of an ever-deepening hatred for this semester and awful things like choir and the amount of work that's building up. My memory isn't helping either. BUT, I've found some feelings and ideas that will tide me over for the next six weeks. That's it. Six weeks.
Looking forward to sunshine. To tan. To work. To being healthy. To friends. To new friends. To tubing down the Upper Iowa. To beer on a nice summer day. To mojitos on nice summer days. To a trip to California. To friends turning 21. To more, and more, and more. ¡Salud!
Germany next January!
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| The Sentient Robot and other short storiesPeople. Driving me insane. They don't know who they are though. If you're sure you're not driving me insane, chances are, you're not. Anyone else is fair game.
Had an interesting talk with a Mr. and there were some REALLY awkward moments last night. One of them being when he spit in my eye. He had chew in his mouth. It stung.
There are people here on campus that need a talkin'-to and a swift kick in the ass. I'm probably not justified to administer either of those until my person has been attacked. Maybe I'll manipulate the situation to get that done!
There are other people that I need not see for a while. I don't know if I'm annoyed, or if they are all annoyed, but that's why I request this sizable amount of time to be slightly (but intentionally) estranged from this ilk.
I don't think I really understood how crazy Luther is about choir. I knew that it is important to Luther (obviously) and that it's a great program. I had no idea that Luther college made choir-loving robots. The only currently known sentient machine existing in the world today is the Luther College student obsessed (i mean that in the most severe way possible) with it's own choirs. There IS a choir made up solely of these robots. Perfectly duplicated human vocal chords have been carefully processed and installed with equanimity under the pressures of a society that desires perfection and yens, more than anything else, to be a part of it. You're not a real robot until...
I never thought I'd hate being part of music so much. You don't need to be the best to have music move you, to be the music you love. Those that do won't go into music or be able make music.<--There's more to that statement than meets the eye.
Who knows, maybe the ubiquitous politics of Luther College's music department are tenable (maybe?), but I highly doubt God (the Christian one too) would ever want you to want anything more than making music. Who knows though, perhaps God wants you to make better music than me.
This is for the people that need to hear it. Chances are, they won't; the music is too loud. | | |
| To Be or Not to Be...a Music Major?Dropping the music major? Looks like it. I haven't totally decided it. I'm being made out to be stupid.
Why:
Theory. I can't do it. I'm consistently failing assignments and tests. I'd complain that it's the teacher, but it's not. Others are having a much easier time than I.
Composition. My professor won't get off my back and frequently alters my ideas and methods (which could be good) but there are many small "excuses" that are legitimately keeping me from producing anything solidly creative. Apparently I'm doing any of it "right." I'm not smart enough for this professor. Eff Princeton. All it produced was a self-proclaimed "open-minded" professor that uses his genius for his benefit only.
Ear Training. I can't hear it at all. How am I supposed to compose when I'm incapable of distinguishing sounds. Yeah right. I'm just doomed on that front.
I'm enjoying my Spanish major right now and HATING my music major. I hate theory, choir and ear training as well as my composition lessons/seminars.
I don't even like being in or hearing a choir or hearing people sing. Do I really belong in music?
Pros for Dropping the Major:
1. I could graduate on time with just a Spanish major! Plus I'd have the chance to complete my gen-eds! rather than taking just one a semester while taking three music lessons (plus their 3 seminars) and three music classes on top of that!
2. I would have already received a music minor if I substitute the major with it.
3. I could focus on Spanish and be much better than I am now.
4. I would be so much less stressed out!
5. No choir!
Cons for Dropping the Major:
1. I've always done music. That's all I know. I may feel very lonely. Though I could possibly stick with all three lessons.
2. I would have to nix my plan to go to grad school for film composition. I'd have to think of a whole new profession.
3. I'm already beyond the requirements. No matter what I have to stick Ear Training and Theory out. Is there really any point in dropping when I'm so close?
4. My theory prof said that whether or not I'm bad at ear training or theory, my pieces are beautiful and I should stick with what I'm good at. I don't know if that's truly accurate, but I needed more cons.
Pros--5, Cons--4. Great. Too close to call.
If...:
If I fail theory or ear training, good bye major, hello minor! I'm not going to continue to lower my GPA for something I'm not enjoying.
If I pass both I'm going to see what next fall semester is like. If I still hate it...it's a goner.
If you could be fair and think of "either/or" reasons that would much appreciated. | | |
| Why think about it?Screw metaphors. Why cheat yourself from confronting the problems you have? You've only faced half of the issue by stripping it of its intentions. Intention. Think about that more often. Make note of it.
Duly noted.
I should be in a good mood tonight. I had a wonderful time with my babies. I can't imagine "here" without them. Golden Girls, radio show and T-Bock's good food. But somehow I have a lot of thinking. Or at least I think I do. I'm going to lie there and wish I had something to think about. It's worse to have no reason to be in a bad weird than to have one. Well, maybe not worse, but surely comparably bad. So much to be thankful for. And somehow I've failed the things that were given to me. At least on this night. Tomorrow I'll be fine. That's what I'll remember right now. Yes.
I'm going to bed. Yes, bed. | | |
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