Dude, I saw that show. I thought it was cool...dude.

That's the stance! That's the single guy cool stance in your icon! Hey one time I was shooting a wedding, and this guy tried to pick up on my assistant, and stood like that talking to her. When she blew him off, he went on to the next "less" hottest girl and did that stance, when that blew off, he kept going down the line and it was hilarious.

Not that this would happen to you - your stance is cool. Big guy.

In the 80's, I gave seminars on "How to find the ideal person and keep him/her". Got invited in more than 30 talk shows on TV and radio, had articles written about my "School for singles", coined by a popular radio host. Played my role in a movie - some 15 minutes, coaching the principal actor on how to pick-up a girl. It was a lot of fun.

This was an offshoot of my main work that was consulting, training, and coaching executives on business matters. About a year ago, I tried to rekindle the singles workshops to have some fun. Made several surveys on web sites, went to Speed Dating events, gave a few coaching pointers to large groups (for free), investigated current - online, in books - gurus to learn about their approach, and realized that things had changed a lot in the dating game since the 80's. Women have taken over the "advice" and information industry on television, written media, news, weather, even sports, so we get more of a woman's perspective on things than we used to. Also, men bashing is more or less acceptable (hey, men can take it), but less acceptable to find fault in women for things that may ruin a relationship. Men are jerks! Morons! So, these days, men are threading on eggs when it comes to relationships. There is no "one approach" recipe that works with all women.

Having a woman as a "warm friend" is fine as long as this friendship is not a dumping ground for one-way emotions. Besides, this type of relationship seems to work best between a woman and a gay, because there are no underlying sexual expectations. If some reality shows like Martha Stewart, and Donald Trump are any indication of women's competitiveness (and cat fights amongst themselves), then a Wussy guy coming along will be eaten alive. Women do have biological agendas (consciously or unconsciously) to find the best genes for their children. They want a man who will best assure the health and well-being of the family. Although, often denied by a lot of women, looks and money play a role, and I would add, how you "sell" yourself to them (if you have little of either). First impressions do count, and for various reasons, personal agendas, and personal objectives. Do you want to have fun dating many people? Are you really looking to settle down with Ms or Mr. Right? To get there, you must first attract attention.

For a man who has no clue about words and body language, and has not developped his social and seduction skills, he needs a coach. And his techniques have to be elegant, as much as a retouched photo, where you cannot see the retouching. Takes some learning, and practice. :)

Richard wow that is interesting! I'm sure you didn't tell people to start off by insulting women? I am sure that a social skills workshop would be a great thing that is needed by many, but a "how to seduce women" workshop just seems weird to me.

About the looks and money thing, well looks are subjective but for the money thing I think that women are more impressed by a man's initiative than the size of his trust fund. I think that they are drawn to ability to create.

I hope my post didn't offend you?

No, not at all offended. Besides, there are so many variations of types of relationships AND age groups, that one must be careful not to generalize. Creativity, achieving, and entrepreneurship appeal to certain types as well as sports, and music to others. If we were to generalize, I would say that people who are doing something - achievers in any domain - have sexual appeal because of the inherent qualities that exude from their personality. It attracts attention without conscious effort. Those who don't "have it", need to artificially recreate that appeal, hence the seduction seminars. In fact, you could put the "get rich quick" schemes, the "no money down" real estate seminars in the same category. Only 2% - 5% actually go on being successful (because they were only lacking the mechanics of it, not the attitude, and personality), while the others look for the other magical book or seminar to become wealthy, because they never fully applied what they already knew.

Did a lot of social and psychological research on what creates results in any sector of life (health, wealth, family, social, intellectual, spiritual). RESULTS (positive or negative) are conditioned by BEHAVIOR/ACTIONS, conditioned by POTENTIAL (having what it takes or getting what is needed through education, experience), conditioned by VALUES/BELIEFS (deep core values, overal ATTITUDE on life). Values/Beliefs are THE actual driving forces. If you believe you can, you increase the likelyhood that it will happen - the same if you don't believe. ENVIRONMENT plays a role, of course - if you want to do good for poor people, hang around poor neighborhoods, if you want to sell to rich people, be where they are or have a way of bringing them to you. See, putting your "sub" on one of our canadian lakes in winter, would be hard to lease... However, if you change your environment, but do not change your values/beliefs, then the environment will do no good. The old adage: "You can take a country boy out of the country, but not the country out of the boy". Going to New York or Hollywood is not a garantee of success, unless you're pre-conditioned to succeed. Some will say, you need to know people, to network make contacts, etc. I say, know yourself first.

Very true.........I've been single for over 13 yrs. I joke about it, complain, act cynical, etc., but inside I know I'm no big catch for most women. I'm not putting myself down, I'm just being honest! After two failed marriages and some really dysfunctional relationships, I realize that I'm not a babe magnet........

I've got this new business, moved to a new locale after 29yrs. in S. CA., and I'm working 10-12 days. I love what's finally starting to happen in my business and after a year and a half, I can see people are slowly starting to accept the 'new guy' after 23 years of the 'old owners'.

Well, stress I believe, plays a huge role in your feeling of self-worth and it's impossible to try and 'fake out' people to make them spouse/lover material when your life's screwed up.

People that are good at charming women left and right are many times also good at deception, that's why they're always with someone different (and usually killer good looking). Many times too, weak men have to feel they're in control, so they also attract women who are unsure of themselves, less successful, so they go after guys that have the appearance of strength and wealth. I was that way and realized that I want a woman at a minimum to be on the same intellectual level as myself. Nothing worse that a killer gorgeous......idiot!

The thing that's sad is that in our society, men in particular place so much emphasis on looks. I'll admit, for someone I didn't know and I had to choose between a woman built like a redwood and an IQ of 140 or a Nicole Kidman look alike with an IQ of 105.....well, my initial reaction would be Nicole!

The problem would be that after the 'Nicole' wears off, I'd be stuck with a bimbette and feel like the idiot. My comment is that after two failures, to find someone at my age (51) is tough because now I expect way more than I used to. I really have a double standard now and I can't figure out how to compromise, because I think in relationships, compromise is the start of the end. (I'm basing this statement on my last 30 yrs. of less than stellar success in relationships.

Then Iook at things from the woman's standpoint. I wouldn't want to be with me if I were a woman, just because of what I just said in the above. I've got a better than average intellect and look like a redwood. I'm overweight and not rich. I get that most women won't look twice at a man as myself from what you see in the media, movies, and from past experiences.

Now if we could see inside everybodys head and heart and forget about the 'exterior', there'd probably be many more happy people. The problem with human nature is we're so jaded by what we see in today's society, that we're numbed to the truth of most peoples 'being'.

Look at the decadence that's on TV, in the movies, etc. This is what our kids are growing up to think is real in finding ones true soul-mate.

I'm so damn cynical now about relationships, I know that must come through when I do meet a new woman. I just go into it (hopelessness of meeting the right person) before I know her and she probably doesn't understand and it turns her off!


The one thing that is fascinating, but sucks too is internet dating. I look all the time and most don't interest me. One did the other day, so I actually signed up for a month (waste of $29), wrote this gal (oh I forgot that she saw my ad and 'winked' at me FIRST!!!) So I took the initiative and responded to her. I was looking forward to the response. WHAT A *&#)@#)#*(#ING LET DOWN.

She wrote, "No attraction appears for me" That's it! Didn't even try to chat, or waste an hour or two writing back and forth!

6 yrs. ago I met the 'perfect' woman for me. She was intelligent (Cum Laude UC Berkeley), successful (the ONLY WOMAN manager in an international company with 92 world-wide managers), funny, sarcastic wit, and a great amateur photographer (Oh, I forgot, she was way more attractive than any woman I'd ever been with. I was unemployed at the time and moved 135 miles to be closer to her and hopefully find a new job. Well, to make a long story short, she couldn't get over her ex-husband and she was constantly rescuing an extremely demented bi-polar, ex-convict old boyfriend. I figured I could 'change' her to fall in love with me. Yeah.....right! It took me two years to realize she was after the parts of me she liked, but the 'other' stuff, she found elsewhere.......

So now in the royal scheme of things, where do the less wealthy, less attractive, talented, bright, sick sense of humor, man meet similar type of women? Church? A bar? Chamber Mixers? Parents without partners?

They say men live longer when they're in a committed relationship. Well.....I guess I know I'll be meeting my maker sooner than later!

Quick answer...Everywhere! Once a woman who liked taking long walks on a local hill, told me that she would like to meet a man who had the same interest. "When's the last time you went hiking?' I asked. "It's been more than a year", she said. "Well, go back doing it", I replied. "The man you are looking for is there." Common interests are a good starting point.

First, believe you can (Beliefs). Make yourself available (Potential/Behavior) both mentally and physically. You will meet some women that are good, some that are not appropriate for you (Results). If you don't like the results. Try another approach. When a woman bashes you without really knowing you, she's not really bashing YOU, per se, but rather HERSELF for not having attracted the ideal mate she was looking for. She's pissed off at herself, not you. She may be taking it out on you - but, it's not you.

Believing in something means not having any doubt about it. So, BE yourself, continue LIVING what you actually do. You believe a woman will be part of your life? Just believe it only once. You don't need to convince yourself over and over again - otherwise it would prove that you don't believe it. Make yourself available. Meet people, talk, exchange, don't look too hungry for love. Don't openly advertise that you are looking for love or companionship - as if you were on the market for a property. Let go of "wanting" or "needing" Let friendships develop into common activities. Enjoy each moment. Things will evolve from there. Thing is...if you're happy just being yourself, you will attract other people who are happy just being themselves and not needing someone else to be happy. :)

Are you a photographer or a couples therapist?

Wow this has been an interesting thread! I've learned a lot!
The guy on TV did have some honky strange things that were kind of off-putting at first and yes probably some grooming in the social skills department was a good idea for him.

I guess it makes sense in the self-improvement realm to at least hear what is being said and evaluate it up to what you are doing/thinking/noticing.

Like anybody I had a period of being very self-conscious and shy. Thank goodness for the journal because I actually started READING what I wrote and started to go - why the hell are you spending so much time being hard on yourself worrying about needless things that you can't control? It was a wake up call for me to stop getting stuck in unproductive thoughts. Wow how liberating it was to stop.

To pep9454. I've been a lot of things to a lot of people. :) Between stints as a professional photographer, I've been a management consultant, trainer, and coach. I've come back to professional photography over a year ago. It's all in the realm of observation.

Richard,

Interesting how my best friend of 27yrs. started out as a photographer, went to work for a large lab, gave seminars on all aspects of running a studio, posing, etc., went to Australia, was stolen by a competing lab, worked for them a couple of years, quit, went out on his own consultancy business, moved to Paris for a few months, back to Phoenix, AZ for 5 yrs., back to AUS and for the last 10 yrs. has been doing consultant work and now does professional business videos in addition to his consultant work!

He's a darn good photographer too, but will never do that again! Seems like 'successful' photographers never stay directly in the photography business! (Does this mean photography's not a good enough avenue to 'get rich'?!)

A few do and also invest their money in other things that pay "while you sleep" (DVDs, books, real estate, market, etc.). Photography is great, but you have to be there to push the button, unless you have people working for you such as Yervant who goes around the world giving seminars, selling his software and DVDs.

Another example is the coaching world. I'm sollicited every week by the International Coaching Federation and Coachville to buy, buy, buy books, seminars, teleconferences. It seems that the money is into selling to other coaches rather than "real" clients. They always come out with a different way of doing the same thing. Sound familiar? In photography, it's the same. Therein lies one of the secrets of making money.