Friday, July 20, 2007

  • Why the independent woman song and dance gets old

    Disclaimer: I am the world's biggest supporter of singleness. I'm the girl that gets the chick back on her feet after she's been pounded by her abusive boyfriend. I'm the trooper that'll go clubbing with you to celebrate girls night out or even for no good reason. I'm that girl's friend that you hate because I made her realize that guys like you are a dime a dozen.

    But I'm not a total man hater. Once upon a time back in the days of yore, me and Mr. Right (back then) lived a very happy fairy tale. But then we woke up and the world came crashing down on me, but I digress.

    Being independent

    means holding your own and knowing/loving yourself before a guy. So often we use a relationship to validate our worth. It's stupid movies with lines like "you complete me" that perpetuates this cycle. Finding comfort and solace in someone's arms gives you a false sense of security. Whether you were not hugged enough as a kid, missing a solid father figure, lacking good strong female friendships, or all of the above - jumping from man to man does nothing but boost a false ego that relies on that male attention.

    And THAT is why I've always stressed singleness before all else.

    But once you've conquered the whole self-esteem thing ...

    It sucks not having a guy around

    Recent events in my life has me contemplating the downfalls of being too single. I completely embrace singleness with open arms since my career eats up all my time, and when I'm not working I go to work to study more about the career that eats up all my time.

    I do like it because it works. But there were some good things about having a man around. This includes:

    Handy manly stuff

    Like when a dude puts on his tool belt and fixes the lock on my door. Or when I have a flat tire and he knows things about cars that I couldn't care less about. Or when I have a virus on my computer and he can wipe it out and make it a-OK. And especially moving big things like furniture. I like to think I'm superwoman but there are things my 5 feet 3 frame can't handle. And math. I think it's hot when a guy can do math. Does this make me weird?

    I think as human beings, we're prone to be attracted to the opposite. Or I am at least. If my boyfriend knew less about sports, didn't know how to drive a car, had a bad sense of direction, plucked his eyebrows and got pedicures and bench-pressed nothing, I would be like ... are you a man or my bitch?

    Protection

    Not that kind of protection you pervert!

    There's the first type of protection, where you have somebody "taking care" of you in a nurturing sense and making you all warm and fuzzy on the insides. And then there's the physical sense, where the man stands in harm's way and blocks all things evil. I think I've been reading too much science fiction; that, or I'm super paranoid because I'm beginning to think there are things out there to get me.

    Instead of a dude, maybe I should get a pit bull and a gun.

    I went with my buddy to the corner store to get bullets for him (I know so whack) and I said, "oh I can never get a gun". And he said, "sure you can you just go to here and blah blah blah."

    I said no I couldn't get a gun because it's against my beliefs. But then again, these days it doesn't sound like such a bad idea? Not that I would, but it's nice having the option of doing so easily and legitimately. Another point for this country!

    In all seriousness

    This blog is beginning to sound like a messed up list of requirements for a robot-man. But it gets kinda depressing, always writing serious pensive stuff. Sometimes I enjoy being completely mindless and talk about crap. So back to the slim pickings of eligible dudes, I'm going to blame it on geography. If only I were still digging construction workers that drove big trucks, then I would be in the right town. But alas, phases come and go and karma is kicking my ass because I used to be one of those Asian chicks that didn't know any better. My town has less than 2% Asian and is 98% redneck. I live on the border of two states, where the main industry for one is agriculture and the other is construction.

    Isn't that a lovely image? Orchard pickers and truck drivers. Yummmm

Comments (60)

  • super_mar_neo
    i'm with you my career ate up alot of my time with women,  but at the end of the day it's nice coming home to someone.  i used to hate coming home to a dark empty house at the same time i'm glad i'm still single cause one thing i have that people in relationships don't is freedom =)
  • rave_party
    I don't know about you, but those orchard pickers are quite sexy ;]
  • tisGUY

    i agree with you on being independent. it completely sucks to have to depend on someone else for some sort of entertainment/company. i went through that for a freaking year.

    yes, i think you're weird for thinking it's sexy when a guy does math. don't get me wrong, i like math, but after doing so much of it in my engineering courses... eh... yeah... i'll just go nuts after a while. @_@

    if i were in your 2% of asians neighborhood, i would go insane. lol... iono about you, but have you ever thought about meeting some guy when you're on vacation, and then just try starting something from that? it would suck w/ the distance, but when you do spend time w/ that person... *smiles*
  • rb_888
    *watches as the flood of dudes come here with a story to fit your requirements in a man*  ;) j/k. What about the lesbian thing? With your pretty face... surely you can find some extremely butch dyke if you wanted. Some of them are tougher than most men will ever be + you get the women-eque touches. ie, the toilet seat will always be down and your car will be maintained.  
  • OnTheTopShelf
    I love your topics of blogging.

    I blame my location too... Fresno is a crap-town and I can't wait until I get out in a few months.



    <333
  • PookieFlirtsAgain
    u're soo hot i don't know why u're single but i feel u on that EVERYONE wants to be in a relationship at a certain point in their life besides i know for a fact that i prefer a relationship over the single life
  • dcee604

    So, do you own a gun now? That'll help attract some of them rednecks.. =)
  • jsh822

    Having a man around to do these things you listed above certainly make life easier in certain aspects.  More to that, having a guy as part of your life requires a completely different perspective while remaining your own social/emotional/physical independence...  Male species are quite interesting to learn about, despite the social norms and stereotypes bestowed upon them.

    Love your writings! :)
  • rkteck1245
    i see the golden gate bridge pic on top... i think it means you should move out there.
  • frankleeceo
    Robo-Cop!

    Truckers are sexy.
  • carpuzzi_kiki
    I fully agree with you here. I've learned to be okay and even happy in my continual singleness, but it does get frustrating and actually quite lonely (another way that a dog would come in handy). It doesn't really help that I'm focusing on getting my life together or trying to finish my education; a guy would just really be nice sometimes.
  • fatcatUS
    the whole point of having a partner or significant other is....to have them do the stuff you can't to...fill in the gaps u cant....but also for it to be a harmonious one you must be able to fill his or her gaps no?? that doesnt have to be related to anything like independence or equality...its just a basic NEED. u dont have to be a feminist or a strong chovanistic guy...everyone is dependent in the end...we all need another cogs to make our gears work....hehe just ahve to be the right one...or else you're going to have a hell of a time trying to grind that foreign gear into just the right shape to fit you....too much work ifyou ask me hahahaha
  • Liemin_Miki_Au

    "you complete me" - doesnt that mean that the other person is everything you are not?  Can do things you cant, can calm you down when you are mad, can take care of you when needed, etc etc.  That line is cheesy but when you feel "loved" it is not cheesy anymore ^_^''

    Independent is great!  Even when I had a bf, I still took care of myself and was independent.  I did things myself, drive myself, etc etc....but his hugs, kisses, words of comfort, turn my messed up life the right way is what i need him for!

  • JEuCE
    hah. i think single before age 30 is the best way to go for the life of a career-woman. you're very admirable to me.
  • sleeplessinvancouver
    I've known a lot of girls that went from guy to guy. It actually made me sick when the girls would say (after being dumped), "I don't want to be alone. Who's going to do _______ for me?" I'm pro-independent (I've been living on my own since I was 17). I felt after every relationship, one needs to take time to heal and consider all things. Ah well, I guess if I were desperate, I could always hit on those quick to rebound girls...hehe.
  • wewong
    so true, and nice bridge pic, that's one angle i haven't shot from.  and yes, you should move out here to california!!!
  • rips31
    lol...time to move. come down to sf...plenty of asian males to hate (or love) here.
  • make_love___not_war
    gf, i totally agree with you on the whole looking out for oneself first, too many girls try to find "happiness" through their gf, which i find ridiculous, especially when you consider how selfish men are (my opinion).
  • MsJYang

    RYC: Thank you. 

    Awesome blog by the way. 

  • gr00vy_chic
    awww....what a good friend you are being there for your friends and all.

    "are you a man or my bitch" haha
    i laughed out loud when i read that! lol!
  • Pink_Elysium

    Emily!! Singleness is awesome. Sometimes, I feel like I need a man around to do all those things too.. but then I think about it.. if they can do it.. so can I.. if not.. you can always ask a friend right.

    I believe that I'm going to stay single forever. At least that is what I want. Screw the "American dream" and all that crap media feeds us.. All we need sometimes.. is just the whole "me, myself and I."
  • DesTnysFantaC
    your points are valid... and yes, sometimes you need to take a breath a write about mindless topics, like men. hahah. jk, i completely agree.
  • cherriebombz

    I love your first paragraph.  You make it sound so much better in your blog.  Most of the time, you include "Geek" or "Bitch" when you say those words to me.  WHY IS THAT! :(

    Dudes and tool belts...ahh..thats what i'm into. You like firemen and trucks. And I agree. A man that knows math and science is HOT. speaking of which...i have gossip. ahh we're so female.

    I dont need a man...all I need is you.  You complete me, Em. Stay single, so I can have you all to myself!
  • Zealous_Grunt_Yayap
    you're funny; no innuendo :)
  • shadow720
    great honest post.  I kinda enjoy being single for many of the same reasons.  The independance allows for the freedom to do whatever I wish and answer to no one.  It might sound selfish and self absorbed to some but career is important to me and I enjoy close relationships with my family and friends.  Maybe i'm jaded about the past but I don't want to have a relationship for the sake of having a crutch.  Being on your own two feet and the ability to survive and thrive in my opinion makes you a stronger individual. 

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