Thursday, September 06, 2007
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More than friends part 1
- Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
- Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
- Harry: No you don't.
- Sally: Yes I do.
- Harry: No you don't.
- Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
- Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
- Sally: They do not.
- Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
- Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
- Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
- Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
- Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
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When Harry Met Sally - good movie but not the greatest. I probably would've appreciated it more if I grew up in the 80's and enjoyed bad clothing and funky hair, but I digress.
Can men and women be just friends or will sex always get in the way?
I have a huge problem with what Harry said. Based on my personal experience, I do not believe sexual tension gets in the way of every male/female friendship. I also do not believe my guy friends would bang any and every thing they could get their hands on. Not because I'm naive, but because I'd like to think people have more standards than that.
I have a lot of purely platonic male friends and the thought of us involved in anything romantic is a sickening thought. They're like family to me - you don't develop romantic feelings for a sibling! Although I am going to disect this topic more intricately in part 2; stay tuned.
"Friendship ultimately doomed because of sex"
I think initially, most novel friendships will have a bit of sexual appeal depending on the level of physical and emotional attraction between two people. You can be physically attracted to somebody off the bat, but then lose this interest immediately due to the lack of chemistry or mental appeal. You can also be not so attracted to somebody's looks, but b/c they are so stimulating you naturally develop a greater affinity over time. I wholeheartedly believe that somebody's wit, charisma and magnitude of their heart has a monstrous affect on their looks, and vice versa.
Therefore, I argue against the notion that friendships are all doomed because of sex. I think sex is merely a tiny obstacle for people to get over. Once its established that a friendship is in tow, there really isn't any reason why two people can't treat each other like brothers and sisters. Sex really can't be that big of a deterrence!
love love love.
the brother/sister that i've always wanted. all in one! ;)
- Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
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Comments (46)
this post reminded me of the Ladder Theory (google it - it's a quick read). I do believe that men & women can be just friends but I also believe that at one point in time, one is going to want to bang the other. As long as the other can remain oblivious to it or act grown about, the friendship will withstand. I guarantee you that at one point in time, homeboy up there has wanted to knock boots with ya. ;)
<3
funny movie, and i agree it can be a completely platonic friendship just have to make sure both sides understand thats all it will be, its important to make it clear so theirs no uncertatinity between the guy and girl
Have you ever NOT wanted to be friends with someone because they were TOO attractive? I've had that...like the girl was attractive enough for me to be somewhat intimidated. Like I didn't want to get close or hang out with her too often.
Anyways...glad you have a new entry! Always fun to read and always well written! Thanks.
lol @ cakalusa's comment.
but yes, some of my best friends are chicks and i wouldn't dream of having sex w/them. ewww.
question that needs to be asked is:
if you said "do you want to have sex with me" what would your "friends" response be?
but there time where the girl was too too hot and i was like nah chill i can't be friends with u no matter how badly you want the friendship also depends on their personality
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Although the theory is not absolute, I believe it to be more the rule than the exception. We (as in we humans) can't really help it. We still have animal instincts inside us. Platonic, inter-gender relationships are relatively new in our evolutionary history. Modern society has installed into our psyches all these barriers to animal behavior and we call them inhibitions. Take away those inhibitions and we're stripped to our naked animal instincts.
Yep, we're still pretty primitive.
Personally I liked the fake orgasm scene in that movie...because in truth, it says a lot about what men want to believe. I don't entirely agree with Billy Crystal in the movie, but I think on a strictly subconcious level, he's probably right.(it's the scientist in me, men are hard wired a particular way...though the 8 pound computer sitting on their shoulders can usually circumnavigate the hardwiring) Also, realize, that character is based on a middle age person coming out of the great sexual revolution in the 70's. (and while I was alive then, I certainly didn't comprehend what the heck was going on, since I wasn't even a teenager till it was over...) But your generation grew up with a time when the separation between boys and girls in life was a lot less delinated. (I had no 'girl friends' till well into middle school, neither did any of my male classmates, sports team mates, or male friends.) And society expected us to be distinctly different in attitudes and behaviors from the girls, hence no common ground. I think a lot of that has gone to the wayside. (metrosexual behavior, for instance) I'm not trying to assign value, I don't know if it's good or bad, too early to tell, but I think as 'masculinity' and that kind of behavior comes under continual attack in our society, and in our educational areana, we will see the friendship lines blur between the sexes.
I do think that men and women can be friends, without sex becoming an issue. But I also think that it's a function of maturity, at least for men. Women mature faster than us anyway, so I think that is where the rub is.
Of course, I could be way off base on this too....
Jim
ryc: When I say "Free at last," I wasn't really implying that the whole relationship was bad. I guess I owe you an explanation... In the end, she messed up and did something that made me really hate her. However, I still did have some feelings for her. Basically, I was stuck in a mental hell where I couldn't decide whether to hate her or love her. When I split, I decided that I loved her but just needed to move on... and thus the burden is now off...
Yes, Liberty is a private school and is a bit pricey.
I love that movie, but would agree with your stance on male friendships. True friendships can take place, and attraction really isn't such a huge obstacle to overcome.
yeah, welcome to the club.
hahahaha.