Thursday, November 01, 2007
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Love in all shapes size and form
Love means placing other's needs before your own. Love is feeling their joy and pain. Love is wishing upon them nothing but the best. It's empathy, compassion and understanding. You don't have to go thru the same things to empathize; you don't have to necessarily share the same beliefs to have compassion; and you don't need the same situations to understand.
But what you do need is a mutual understanding of unconditional love, or so I thought.
Love in different forms
There are three different types of love: family, friends and soulmate. Yes I still believe in the soulmate because I'm stubborn like that and won't give up .. but I digress.
This is where the unconditional love kicks in. How unconditional is the love for your family? For your friends? For your soulmate? What's bothered me about this concept is how skewed it can be when your priorities are distorted.
I'm competitive as hell and always strive for the best. It was a work ethic that I want to emulate from the people I look up to. I wanted to be the best at everything that I do - but one thing I overlooked was being the best daughter. What I never understood before was the unconditional love from family. How are you supposed to love somebody based merely on the fact that you're born into this life together? But on the other hand, if it's unconditional that you love each other no matter what, then won't they always be there?
The answer is no, which took a while to grasp.
In the shape of conditional Love
Friendships are essential to personal development. While I don't condone being 'friends' with any or everything that comes your way, I always think life is too short to put your ego on such a high pedestal. I advocate socializing with people from all walks of life, but it's also important to be weary of whom you open up to and who you let super close to you.
Loyalty is a funny thing. I have this memory like an elephant where if someone did something good for me once upon a time, I'll pledge an undying allegiance to them until the end of days. This probably is also a reflection of my stubbornness. But people change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes not. When they become a character of somebody you do not respect, does unconditional love still play a role in your relationship?
Acts of kindness resonates a long way with me. I used to think this was noble until I realized that I'm confusing it with unconditional love. And then that's just plain stupid.
The definition of unconditional love
It's reserved for the person you marry; and nobody prior to that. It's only for family, b/c you don't get to choose your blood and that in itself has more meaning than anybody coming in and out of your life. Friends are crucial but at the end of the day, unconditional love doesn't exist without it being a two-way street.
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5:03 pm
I hate sick. The past month I´ve been plagued with endless diseases. Getting x-rays done in a foreign country was not on my to-do list!
I´ll be home for xmas for the first time in 3 years. Looking forward to it but dreading it at the same time. Is this what being homesick feels like? There are weird moments where I miss my life so much, and then I remember that I don´t have much of a life to go back to. Obviously it´s not that dismal, but there´s a ton of work to be done if and when I decide to return.
Happy day of the dead.
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Comments (23)
very true...it's def a 2-way street.
you can always come down for xmas.
I have always had all different friends, from different backgrounds, places, etc. I once felt that I would be friends with people forever - they could always count on me. however, as I have matured, I have learned that some people are not my friends or are not good for me -that whole idea of toxic relationships and how they can affect me.
That being said, I do feel that family will always have my unconditional love. I may not like a person based on how they behave, but I will love them who they are and accept them. (That doesn't mean I accept their crap, just that I accept their faults. Make sense?)
help me spread Xanga Love and participate in my poetry competition
it would really mean a lot if you just gave it a shot
thank you so much!
Its not "ping pong." ;) its table tennis. Thats good to hear that your cousin is doing well. I wonder if there are any table tennis groupies... kinda like Hockey puckbunnies heh.
I'm not even gonna comment on this love thing b/c i know nothing about the topic. From your reading your entry, love takes too much bloody work and i dont think its worth it.
Anyways, Hope you feel better and btw, the cardiac canucks aren't doing too good :(
always a pleasure to read your posts.
unconditional love? having a pet can do the trick :)
i understand what you mean when you want to go home, but don't. i'm sure your family will be happy to see you nonetheless.
i like this post, very thoughtful. yes friendship should always be genuine and yet conditional, altho acts of genrosity will also resonate with me for as long as a friendship lasts.
love love.. it's too abstract...
ahhhh home. the cliche IS pretty true huh? you really can't go back. but it's nice to visit.
where is "home" for you?...just curions
your def. of unconditional love, a.k.a. agape(a-ga-pay) love, is pretty much the only def. i know or believe in. good job.
very true...couldn't have put it better. I believe in soul mates too and although I've been searching all my life and still unable to find one, I'm still searching haha I guess I'm just as stubborn as you are hehe
Aww...you're sick? Take care girl. It's not easy living by yourself. *hugs*
hey i hope you're ok! just don't undergo surgery in a foreign country. you might wake up with something missing! i think family love is the only unconditional love you can have. friendship, even romantic love can't be fully unconditional altho we can try. people always say blood is thicker than water. so you have to stick out for family more than anyone else.
Get well, soon!
definitely a compelling entry! Everything you wrote about love made sense to me...
Unconditional love is an interesting topic. By it's very definition it's known as love with no conditions. Another word would be selfless love. In terms of levels of love, you have the following:
1) Love of self - Selfish love
2) Love of others providing that love is returned- Reciprocal love
3) Unconditional love
Level 3 is the hardest level to attain. At this level there are three sub levels:
A) Loving someone you like with nothing expected in return.
B) Loving someone you know nothing about with nothing expected in return.
C) Loving someone you could easily hate with nothing expected in return.
The bible has many passages about striving to achieve this third level.
Hope you feel better soon. TGIF! =)
I don't know if you ever really get unconditional love in a marriage. I think it might be a bad idea if the other person didn't feel the same way about it. (it would allow them a great deal of control over the other)
As for myself, from my limited marriage exposure, I would say my unconditional love really only exists for my daughters. And when I am holding them, I don't think even that is a big enough term for what I feel.
Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, but there are conditions that would cause me to fall out of love with her pretty quick. I trust her enough not to do them to me, though.
be safe, have fun, I'll jot you a note soon,
Jim
very true about the different types of love.
aww, you've been sick? i hope you feel better and kick those nasty germs to the curb. take care of yourself.
While I am also sick, it doesn't sounds as bad as you have it. I hope that you get better quickly and are in great health for Christmas at home.
I think a lot of times, family love becomes conditional. I'd always assumed otherwise growing up, but when I went away to college I was able to gain perspective and see how conditional everything truly was. It's really sad when such a revelation is made. Oh well, better to know that to be oblivious. :o)
Hey there, thanks for the comment - a good attitude goes a long way in this world! I feel your pain about getting sick in a foreign country - it sucks! I had the unpleasant experience of getting very sick in a foreign country, it all worked out well in the end and I am only too grateful that there were doctors there who knew what they were doing!
Ah well love is a funny thing it eludes you when you're looking for it but finds you when you're not... I think all love should be unconditional to a degree otherwise what's the point in loving at all?
Christmas at home is one thing I've always been pretty set about although I've been promising myself for the last 3 years that I will not be doing it again! I hope to spend it away with friends this year, who knows things seem to be working in my favour these days so I hope this does too!
Take good care of yourself - there is only one of you!
Awesome post! I went to this funeral one time and that's how the pastor described love. It's like you don't get to pick who or where you're born to, but you do get to pick who you become friends and life partners with. It's definitely a hard concept to understand sometimes when it comes to loving your family because of how you don't get to choose that fate, but at the same time, I'm sure it's no different from how your parents felt about you from the day you were born as well.
ryc: I think the episodes on HIMYM are a bit funnier this year...particularly because Ted is single and he's up to no-good. I think you can watch them on cbs.com like the Tuesday after the show airs.