g-chatting with the pastor

typical banter w/ p.ro...

me:  i want to go to a revival like in hs
  where u get all emotionally uplifted
Stephen: no you don't
me: i really really do!
Stephen: then just watch some sappy dramas or movies
me: hahaha
no it's different... b/c during those times of emotional praise u feel so emotionally close to God
Stephen: whatever...

Call me obsessive...

Current Obsession: Atonement

At first I was hesitant to watch this movie because I heard it's tragic, sad and frustrating. I hate tragic, sad, frustrating movies. I hate being negatively affected by something that should be entertaining. So I was avoiding Atonement and had no real desire to watch it. But my co-worker had it on her Netflix and lent it to me. So I gave it a try but first preparing myself that this will be a tough movie but to try to not let it affect me... with that being said...

I love ATONEMENT!

like LOVE atonement... like for real life LOVE... this is a movie that I can watch again and again... (thus the 'obsessive' title) and in fact did (twice in one weekend) and would watch again if I did not have to do my taxes! GRR! I want to read/buy the book and I want to buy the movie and watch it again and again. It's so rewatchable for me because every part of the movie is so beautiful and important to the story. There are no parts that I can do without. (That's saying a lot for me since I generally don't like war movies.)
{edit: watched this movie 4 times and read the book in matter of 2 weeks!}

(spoilers)

I think I was able to love the movie because I don't hate Briony. I understand her. I don't blame her. Come on. She was 13! The real person to blame is Paul Marshall and the adults for basing the whole case on a 13 year old child who they knew to have a creative imagination. I understood her as a child and really grew to like her as an adult. (I think also b/c they didn't show James McAvoy suffering in jail helped me get over the injustice.)

I was thinking a lot about this movie and why I liked it. Maybe it's because in my mind I believe the happy ending even though it wasn't real. This movie is so different from other movies. There's no conclusive ending and it just keeps going in my mind. I can't explain it. Also maybe because I don't hold Briony to this high standard. I understand that as a child then later as an adult, what she went through... it was so real, so HUMAN!

As a side note, but a really significant one, James McAvoy was so AHMG in this movie. I <3 him!  

Some of my favorite quotes and stills:

Robbie Turner: [voiceover] Dearest Cecilia, the story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame.

These have to be the most beautiful words in the whole movie. I can imagine the scene of him getting dressed and looking so clean and handsome in his tux and walking down the road to join Cecilia at the party. There was so much hope, young love and potential at this point. Very effervescent quality ...

Robbie Turner: Why're you crying?

I love the look on his face when he says that... AHMG! So loving and concerned~!

Robbie Turner: ...if all we have rests in a few moments in a library three and a half years ago, then I don't know... I don't...
Cecilia Tallis: Robbie... look at me. Look at me. Come back. Come back to me.

This scene in the tea place, is by far my most favorite scene. It's so subtle yet powerful. The scene with the hands and stirring the coffee is my flavorite part. I LOVE James McAvoy's facial expression... He plays his part brilliantly! I love this scene because for a BRIEF moment in time they were able to meet face to face and have real HOPE for the future!

Robbie Turner: How old do you have to be to know the difference between right and wrong? What are you 18? Do you have to be 18 before you can bring yourself to own up to a lie? There are soldiers of 18, old enough to be left to die by the side of the road, did you know that?
Briony 18 years old: Yes
Robbie Turner: Five years ago, you didn't care about telling the truth. You, all your family, you just assumed that for all my education, I was still little better than a servant. Still not to be trusted! Thanks to you, they were able to close ranks and throw me to the fucking wolves!

Briony 18 years old: I am very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused you. I am very, very sorry...

This was what she was never able to really say... but she so desperately wants to but she can't bring herself to do so. Instead she writes it into her story... the whole scene is her way of bringing punishment upon herself that she felt she deserved but never received. Also, James McAvoy's delivery here is so moving, especially when he says "There are soldiers of 18..." The way his voice inflects is so powerful.

Older Briony: So, my sister and Robbie were never able to have the time together they both so longed for... and deserved. Which ever since I've... ever since I've always felt I prevented. But what sense of hope or satisfaction could a reader derive from an ending like that? So in the book, I wanted to give Robbie and Cecilia what they lost out on in life. I'd like to think this isn't weakness or... evasion... but a final act of kindness. I gave them their happiness.

I agree... I want to believe this... that they somehow have their happiness~

Robbie Turner: Come on, pal. You should be getting dressed.
Briony Tallis, aged 13: If I fell in the river, would you save me?
Robbie Turner: Of course.
[Briony jumps into the water and Robbie dives after her; eventually, he pulls her out of the water and drops her near the bank]
Briony Tallis, aged 13: Thank you, thank you, thank you...
Robbie Turner: That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do.
Briony Tallis, aged 13: I wanted you to save me.
Robbie Turner: Don't you know how easily you could have drowned?
Briony Tallis, aged 13: You saved me.
Robbie Turner: You stupid child! You could have killed us both! Is that your idea of a joke?
[she looks at him for a moment, shocked by his tone, but defiant nonetheless]
Briony Tallis, aged 13: I want to thank you for saving my life. I'll be eternally grateful to you.

I like this scene because it's so real... meaning this is how a 13 year old thinks! She's imagined for so long, playing in her mind, how this scene would go... She knows the words that she would say when Robbie saves her... But in her naivete she doesn't realize the seriousness of what she did... so Robbie is justifably angry but Briony is confused but continues to say the only line she knows... "I want to thank you for saving my life. I'll be eternally grateful to you."

The End
(... until my next obsession in which I must post about.)

the sTeVeN cuRtiS chaPmAn concert......was not a concert... it was a revival/retreat but with constant music. The gr8 part was that it wasn't just singing songs but he had 2 video presentations and personal stories which made the whole 'concert' so fulfilling.

  His personal story was really awesome. He was sharing about how his daughter Emily, wanted a little sister. So Steven and his wife would explain to her how that wasn't going to happen. But Emily kept insisting, leaving notes and letters on their bed about how she felt God was laying on her heart that they should get a daughter otherwise they'd be in disobedience to God !!! hahaha (she was like 13 at that time)  So they prayed much about it and they adopted this chinese girl directly from china. =) And he wrote a song about it and had a video showing behind him on a big screen. It was so sweet, they had real footages of the baby and bringing her home.

  Then it was intermission. Elmer's voice was almost gone. We were speechless (harhar) about how gr8 it was. SCC sang old songs and new ANNNNNNDDDDD the best part was he sang Praise songs too!! We sang 'open the eyes of my heart' and 'i will sing of your love 4ever'.

 Then it was the 2nd part...  Then he says 'this is his favorite part of the concert.' And he starts by sharing how he read a book about something and he was changed from dat moment on. It left a mark. And he showed a video presentation dat was about dat. It was about 5 missionaries in the 1950's. They were young men, late 20's, and their wives. Jim Elliot and Nate Saint were two of them. Someone was narrating it. And the video presentation showed pictures of the missionaries, their families, the things they were doing etc. 

   okay so theres this place in ecuador in the 1950's and the indigenous ppl were still very primitive and very scary. This oil company wanted to open there but they couldn't cause all the workers would get killed, speared by the indigenous ppl. So these 5 missionaries go and at first they make contact w/ them and its okay. And the video shows footages of the families and these men. Then the music gets dark and there are newspaper clippings about how these men dissappeared. And more clippings about their dead bodies being found. And its so sad cause then there are pictures of the wives and children who look so sad and deep in thought. And for a while the question was, 'did these men die for nothing?' But God opened doors and unprecedently one of the wives were invited by those indeigenous women to stay w/ them and they created a written language and translated the bible. Then in the end of the video footage it showed pictures of the indians who had at first killed the missinoary (the b4 pictures) and the after pictures it said, 'God FOLLOWERS!' how amazing

   The crazy cool part, was when Steve Saint, the son of the missionary who was killed, came on stage. And he was sharing about he is living and working w/ those Auca indians who had killed his dad when he was young. And he and the person who killed his father, are so close like dad/son. They call him (the man who killed Nate Saint) grandfather.

  And he shared about how his (Steve Saint's) daughter died in his arms from a rare brain disease and the person who comforted him was the grandfather. (which is very ironic) And on christmas day when he was really really sad he heard steven curtis chapman's music and was really blessed. and SCC was writing letters to Steve saint cause he was blessed by his life and mission work. So SCC went to the jungles of Ecuador w/ Steve too. It's so cool how lives are entertwined.

 and then!!!! Steve saint was like i wish i could take u all to the jungle but i can't. But we brought 'grandfather' here ...and everyone was going CRAZY and this indian man comes out. He shares his testimony of how he came to know Christ and be a God follower... and then he sang (in his language) w/ steven curtis chapman w/ Steve saint's arm around him. it was touching.

 When ppl asked Jim elliot (one of the missionaries who died) why he would do such a foolish thing as go to these wild ppl where he could die... he said, " He is No fool, who GIVES what he CANNOT keep, to GAIN what he CANNOT LOSE"

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! praise Jesus!

then SCC left but came back for encore. Elmer personally started the 'STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN' chant. PPl started rushing to the front and he sang 'DIVE' and ppl were jumping up and down. Elizabeth was dancing and jumping. it was so gr8 to see such unabashed enthusiasm. And heebee, kwon, mer were jumping up and down. it was soooooo gr8.

and at the end we sang, "i will learn to walk in your waysand step by step you'll lead me and i will follow you all of my days."

  live out loud for JesUs!!!!

for those who actually read this whole thing, 2 EprOpS to you and a kiss  from me...... now i know thats worth it

harhar