I am currently reading “Green Witchcraft” and “Magickal Arts.”
In the recent week I have been struggling very hard with a dilemma that has truly tested me greatly and made me ask myself deep questions about the kind of person I want to be and the kind of spirit I want to cultivate.
- How can a person be truly kind and still feel the urge to be vengeful? If I am TRULY a kind person, then why do I still feel the hot burn of a vengeful desire when I see something that is so unfair it makes me angry? Is there any way to get rid of that hot poker in my belly or is it instinctual within me?
- Where do you draw the line between allowing somebody to treat you in a very bad way to protect somebody you care about, and becoming their doormat? Do the people who are being deceived have the right to know, even if it would hurt them or put them in an awkward position?
- If you accept a burden for the good of loved ones because somebody else knows that you are good and uses it against you, do you just allow it to continue? Does that make you a better person, or does it make you an enabler of bad energy? Do you give that bad energy more strength by bearing it in silence or do you somehow take some of the negativity away from that energy if you refuse to let it have power? Or does it just allow the negativity to spread through seething resentment?
These are the sorts of questions I have been asking myself this week. I felt hot anger burning so deep in my heart that I had to do something about it. Jade and I went to the book store - GOD I LOVE THE BOOK STORE - and I went over to the religions section and looked through the many Zen and nature religions. I settled on the books mentioned and also a pack of modern tarot cards and I also picked up a book called “The Fairies” because it was inspirational for my artwork and photography – a part of me that helps me spread positive energy.
I read through the spells and felt so much better about finding ways of handling my anger and the negative energy I feel tightening its grip on me.
The nice thing about the “Magickal Arts” book, aside from good photos and examples, is that it helps you figure out how to ask for things for the HIGHER GOOD, which is all I want, because whatever energy I put out there will come back to me three times stronger. So I only want to put good energy out there.
I don’t want to punish anybody. Yes, I feel that hot lust for vengeance, but I don’t WANT to use it, I want to spread GOOD and POSITIVE energy and find a way to protect myself and my family from the negative energy out there. I never bought these books with the intent of casting evil spells, or “Low Magic” as the book calls it. That could do no real good. I would feel no comfort in doing an evil deed. I just want the negative energy to LEAVE US ALONE. I want to protect myself from it. I want to shield my home and family from it.
I want to also send a spell out, or prayer, or meditative wish, that the negative energy find peace and can let go of its own lust for vengeance. So we can all be at peace.
I felt myself being tempted by a very dark path. I felt the draw of darkness and anger trying to pull me towards it for quick answers that would satisfy only the most animal part of me and would never soothe my heart or spirit. I feel I am on the right path now, walking towards light and peace.
One of the things I will have to do before I can begin is to cleanse the negative energy that has built up in me over a few years and let the negative energy know what I think of it. After releasing my steam valve, I will try hard not to let such anger and resentment build up inside of me again and use my new spells and meditations to find enlighten and spread positive energy, for the love of myself and my family.
So mote it be… | 
