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Mostly this blog is what my 4th of July weekend and some of this past week was like.
Sometimes I want to have another baby, even though I know it's bad for my body. I've been in one of those moods and Robert keeps saying NO! I know he wants more babies. He’d love to have three or four tots running around. He loves to play and tickle and kiss. Just like Will, who wouldn’t mind having another baby. We’ve all decided that if I accidentally got pregnant nobody would be upset about it, that’s for sure, but it might be a little worrisome for the folks who love me. Robert is a fabulous daddy, part of why I want one. Nothing makes you fall in love more with your man than seeing him walk around with your baby, singing to her and kissing the top of her fuzzy little head. It makes me all full of love just writing about it. Sigh.
Watching Will with his babies made me all warm and fuzzy too. Sigh.
It’s a real shame too, because I think it would be so much easier to raise a baby with three adults to take care of it and Jade is old enough that she’d be a big help. Think of all tha loooove. Robert keeps being all firm with me, “NO!” knowing that pregnancy is likely to do damage to me. I love him for caring about me so much.
On to the next segment – Vote for Pedro and all of your wildest dreams will come true…
So, we’ve got the storage shed UP and full already. Robert and Will built it in about a day and a half. I stood in the middle of the shed and said, “This shed is the beginning of a dream come true.” I cracked up and Robert looked at me out of the side of his eye and I said, “Well, it KINDA is, since it’s allowing us to clear out the garage and give me the art space Will and I have always wanted. Thank you Robert!” I then threw my arms around him and gave him a kiss. Sometimes I don’t think he knows what to make of me.
Now we’ve got to work on weatherizing the garage. We started by installing an air-conditioning unit in the window. I’m sleepy. YAWN. Anyway, I took a couple of photos of the garage NOW, so that when it finally becomes a full fledged studio, I will have photos to compare and remember all the hard work.
Jade has been inside, since the heat makes her kinda sick, doing laundry for me. She’s really grown up over the past four or five months. It’s nice to know while I’m out sweating and doing stuff to the garage that Jade is inside and she’s “got my back” – by helping out. She’s such a sweetie she was going to use all of her proceeds from selling her Barbie’s on ebay so that I could purchase an extra massage. I told her we’d spend it on the new shoes she wants – which are $65 daggone bux, but the child is SO GOOD it’s hard to say no to her, AND she cleaned out her room to sell stuff to earn the money, so that sounds like a fair deal to me.
Like I mentioned, we’ve been switching home videos to dvd for the past two days and I have seen some of the CUTEST stuff! I wish I hadn’t been so distracted when Amber was little, it’s easy now for me to watch her in the videos and see what a wonderful little bundle of personality she was. At the time I was so very young and deep in and out of depression and struggling with an eating disorder, that it was hard for me to appreciate all the adorable little things she did. I would never say I was a “bad” parent, but I certainly know I am a better parent now. Robert and I both have caught ourselves doing and saying things we would never do or say as parents now. One of the cutest bits was Amber doing a dance, which included the “running man” and the “cabbage patch” and the “snake” to “Super Freak” – I am gonna find a way to up load it so folks can see a bit of it, it’s so hilarious and cute!
Some of the video watching made Will really sad. He misses his kids a lot and longs for the kind of time a regular dad would get to spend with their kids. Simple things like buying them stuff to pack their lunches, bugging them to clean up their room, eating dinner at the end of the day and working on home work and discussing the day. Just regular dad stuff. Watching the videos brought a lot of the things he’s missed out on, and knowing they’ve missed out on it too, to the surface.
I felt closer to him watching the videos, and to his kids too. Seeing them as babies puts a whole new dimension inside of my heart for them. Watching Will with them, how loving and obviously IN love with those babies he was really makes me love him even more. Mike and Lene were CHUBBY BABIES!!! SO CUTE!!! I just wanted to chomp on the ham hock thighs!!! Will was SUCH a doting father. He could be found in the middle of the day, playing with the babies and recording himself with them, doing all sorts of stuff.
I also had the opportunity also to see some folks in Will’s life who I’ve never met. The only folks I haven’t seen any video of YET are his ex-girlfriends Rachel, Grey and Patricia, in that order. Though I’ve met Grey and Patricia, I’d still be curious to see any video he has that includes them.
There were lots of great moments in our videos that brought back so many memories, good and bad. After having Jade I got to see Robert stroke my face and hold my hand, sigh…those things can carry you though the toughest times in your marriage. There is real and deep love there. I wish I could hug Robert RIGHT NOW, but he’s at work. (now I'm posting this and he's not at work, he's on his way home and I'll hug him when he gets here!)
Robert and Will are both wonderful dads. We all saw things in the videos we would do differently now as parents. Hindsight is 20/20, as “they” say.
As for the rest of our fourth of July weekend –
We were doing more typical suburbanite stuff to our yard this weekend. The grass is greening up and we laid half a brick walkway out front. It’s gonna look really nice when it’s done. I didn’t buy enough bricks! Anyway, we need like 80 more or something. We’ll finish it soon. I enjoyed sitting in the glider out front and looking at what work we’d done and feeling good about having a start.
It was twilight and the fireflies started to twinkle and Jade came out side and kicked off her flip flops and ran around in the green grass. I could hear Robert and Will doing things around the side of the house and I just felt so content and happy in those moments. When Robert came around the corner he leaned on the front of my truck to face me and I said, “I love my little house Robert, thank you for buying it for me.” Then Will sat down next to me in the glider and said, “Thank you for all of your contributions, too.” Robert reminded me that we’d both worked hard to get to this point in our lives and said it wasn’t “all him.” He’s always Mr. Share the Glory – I love that about him J
It feels good to work hard on something and stand back and look at your accomplishments. There was a lot of hard work and a few naps to be had to keep us going.
Look at this sweet boy napping with the kitty - I wanted to kiss him, but I also didn't want to wake him up. Usually my impulses win, but I was a good girl this time and let him sleep.
Robert is a good daddy, to girlies and to kitties - him I DID kiss, cuz it wouldn't wake him up, of course.
I know that my little house to some people would just be too cramped and not grande enough, and sometimes it feels a bit tight, but when I think of how hard Robert and I have worked to own our own home, I’m proud of my little rambler. I have a nice big yard for my dog to run around in. I have a garage to have my studio in. It’s not a McMansion, it’s small, but I don’t have to get a “real world” job and help pay for that either – having a smaller, simpler home means I can stay home with Jade. It means I can work out at the gym in the middle of the day and draw and paint and set my own pace during the day – I wouldn’t trade that for all of the big foyers and extra bathrooms in the world.
Some day I would love to have an old farm house, preferably a Victorian with three story turret and a large wrap-around porch, on several acres of land. That’s the home I would love to stay in for a while. Maybe even as long as ten years. The longest Robert and I have ever lived anywhere together was four years. I could stay in a home like that maybe even longer.
I was reading the Da Vinci Code and thinking of how fun it would be to visit Paris. I think my meds are helping a bit because it would have been to scary to think of traveling over the ocean to me before. Anyway, I think when Robert and Will retire we are going to go traveling because I have a lot of stuff I want to see. My friend Janice lived in Italy for a while and she loved it. I would love to visit Italy and France and Egypt. I think the three of us would have a fabulous time traveling together.
Robert and I have been discussing having a wedding – sort of like when folks renew their wedding vows, but different, since our lives our different and we have grown up so much in the years we’ve been together. I was sad that our anniversary September 12th falls on a weekday this year and I started to wonder what other significant day we could do it on, since September 12th is the only day that felt right. So I looked back to Easter of 1989, we met the Saturday before Easter, or at least that was the moment I first saw him and fell in love standing outside of People’s Drug Store, waiting for the boss to come open the doors, it was Robert’s first day of work there. That was Saturday March 25, 1989 and next year March 25th falls on a Saturday again – I thought “PERFECT!” - so that’s the day I chose and that would be seventeen years we’ve been together! SEVENTEEN!!! Wow. Robert liked my idea and we’ll have to make some plans for it later.
We had discussed doing this a couple of years ago, but then we had a lot of stuff happen all at once and it got in the way of planning, but this should work out great. I look forward to planning it.
Will and I also discussed having a “commitment ceremony” of some kind on our “anniversary” which is July 13th – when we met at Liz’s big party in 2002.
I know I must say “I am such a lucky girl” at LEAST once a day. Gotta let those boys know how much I love and appreciate them!
This is a weird blog.
Speaking of weird blogs – if you need some comic relief at any time visit this site http://migraine_boy98.typepad.com/a_riot_is_an_ugly_thing/
Peace. Out. | 
