Thanksgiving is, by far, my favorite holiday of the year.
My family doesn't do much for Christmas, and during that time, we are often scattered all over the place.
Thanksgiving is the one time where my entire six-sibling family has the same goal in mind -- food and family fellowship.
They especially like the food part.
My
mother is the only person in my life, right now, who appreciates the
value of sweet cornbread, not this crackling cornbread that they try to
push on you on the Southside.
I have the good fortune of having
brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, and parents who can cook
extremely well. Whenever we all get together for a meal, I am usually
treated to heaping portions of mouth-watering desserts, tantalizing
sides, and savory meats.
The variety of meats is always a sight
to behold. At least a dozen creatures of the land and sea usually meet their fate at our dinner table. Of all the meats I look forward to,
however, turkey is at the bottom of the list.
Since the
inception of Thanksgiving, turkey has been an obligatory food, much
like bitter herbs at Passover. Nobody likes the bitter herbs, but they
eat them every year, nonetheless.
The same goes for turkey. I've
met plenty of people who say they like cornbread, mashed potatoes,
yams, and even cranberry sauce, but I've never met anyone who blathers
on about how great turkey is.First of all, turkey is about the
most inconvenient bird to prepare, next to cooking an ostrich whole.
Turkeys can weigh up to 25 pounds, take almost an entire day to
prepare, and take up your entire oven in the process.
Turkey is so big, that there is no way humanly possible for even a large family to eat a whole turkey in a single sitting.
On
day one, the turkey starts off as single entity. When it's warm and out
the oven, it's okay, but not as good as ham, chicken, or ribs. By the
second day, the turkey has had about 12 hours to sit in the
refrigerator. It's colder and a little drier than the first day, but
still fit for human consumption.By the third day, the gravy and
juices that once marinated the turkey have congealed to the sides of
the pan. At this time, the turkey has most likely fallen pray to
younger cousins and siblings who don't know how to properly operate a
carving knife.
The hacked-up appearance of the turkey by day
four is not visually appealing and by now, the gravy-Jell-O that has to
be scooped on top of it to make it palatable isn't too pleasing, either.
By
day five, if the turkey legs have not been eaten, the turkey is no
longer something that can be sliced, but rather, a mass of crumbly
turkey pieces that has to be harvested onto your plate.
By day
six, people are no longer eating the turkey, but using it in
turkey-based by-products, such as turkey salad, turkey soup, and turkey
stuffing.
By the seventh day, the turkey is unrecognizable and you start to question whether you were really eating turkey at all.
If
they could find a way to genetically shrink turkeys to the size of
chickens -- which I believe are much tastier fowl -- I think I would
enjoy turkey more. Turkey, however, is more of a holiday drudgery
rather than a delicacy.
Furthermore, in the 250 years that
Americans have been eating turkey at Thanksgiving, we really haven't
found too many ways to spice it up.
I've seen fried turkey,
baked turkey, and those slices of lunch meat that people call turkey,
but that's it. I've eaten about 50 different variations on chicken which were all tasty and interesting in their own way.
Maybe
it's untraditional, maybe it's even un-American, but until turkey gets
a little more exciting, I'm going straight for the ham at Thanksgiving
time.
Perhaps the biggest Jive Turkey of them all
Perhaps the biggest Jive Turkey of them all
Comments (1)
Ha ha! Funny!
I don't like turkey either! Give me chicken!!
Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving!