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| wow okae feelen kinda stupid at the moment.. im really bored.. i wish carlson was with me.. i have so much to tell him n i wanted to sleep earlie tonite but i guess ill stay up late so i can talk to him.. *sigh* idk im so freaken selfish doode.. welpz okae im so used to like.. haven the attention.. n being the one to have him for the day n nite talken to him on the phone around this time.. idk.. im so used to that.. n when his out with friends i feel all bleh.. n when i hear his voice i feel a little better my boyfriend been stolen from me for today.. i cant believe i have to lie about my feelings.. why cant i jst say no i want u with me.. today.. but no i have to lie.. n pretend im kew with it.. idk how would u feel if u cant have him everytime u want him.. ? or her? idk idk.. only person who understands me is phoebee.. but hey atleast her boy stays on the phone with her even if.. his hangen out with friends.. but i dont tink im important enough.. thatz why my goal for the new year.. is to have you all to myself... sounds wierd n all but thatz how i really feel.. atleast i can actually tell u guyz that.. sum grls would jst pretend they dont care.. but honestly u know they do.. i dont like keepen my feelings all to myself.. i like to tell people.. so that they know how i really am.. im so depress again.. i cant hab u for new years eve tomorrow.. n im sad cuz i believe that if i dont spend time with u this nite.. thatz how ima spend my year.. wishin i was with u .. who understands me? idk ure all stupid [[seriously]] if u never felt this way u know u all felt this way before..
ahh im so mad n sad all bad combo.. i wanna cry .. kill these feelings.. only way is to cut myself.. but i wont.. cuz I ACTUALLY KEEP MY PROMISES... | | |
| todae was awesome aww carlson mahal na mahal kita! ikaw lang minamahal ko! ure my dream come true my love!  erf idk what else to say.. but guyz i was so happy todae.. yea WAS i mean when my baby left.. i was all bleh cuz then i knew rents are comen home soon n i was all sad.. cuz idk my parents make me feel like im nothing n then therez carlson making me feel important... sometimes i still cant believe that i have someone so special like him.. i mean yea we argue over everything n yea its just awesome that ure still here after all my crazyness n jealousy.. i mean idk.. im jst scared to loose u to someone else.. i really am scared.. n i would die if i would loose u.. IDK guyz.. i really want u all to know i want to marry this guy.. im so in love with him i feel safe n comfy with him.. yea i havent really been with anyone else but does that matter when i feel this very strong love ? i dont think it really matters all that should matter is that i know that his the one.. n that i want him to be mine forever n i want to love him til the stars fall from the skies i swear.. i will love u til eternity.. i want u n only U carlson buenavista! | | |
| hey guyz/ girlz wts goen on everyone? welpz rite now im stuck at home waiting for a freakin phone call from my "job" i dont know if there gonna call or not.. hmz.. anywayz
Friday welpz nothing really hap jst people pissd me off.. people in my group for camach pissd me off.. they like dont talk to me.. dont let me do anyting at all.. n then tennis stoopid tennis guyz were being dumbasses.. n yea people in tennis.. ahem ally.. omg i swear shes pmsin like major.. cuz wow shes being a bitch.. n i dont knwo what else to say but she is.. n if u have this ally im sorrie but lately u been haven an attitude wsup with that?.. i dont know people these days haha welpz atleast i know how they feel when im being a bitch lolz.. haha welpz atleast im laughen at myself haha i dont know why.. okie anywayz.. ya
then yea i was suppose to go with carlson n them to the bowling place.. but i dont know.. i didnt feel like goen but same tiem i was so excited to going you know? i dont know i wished i went tho.. i dont know better than stayen at home rite? but i dont know.. im sorrie carlson if they kept sayen ure a cheap bf.. i dont know... your really not.. haha just the places u take me.. but great memories where ever we go so its all gravy.. but yea thnx lotsness.. for everyting else..
i want to go to gns guys why? cuz i want to go .. duh! lets go bowling guyz? who wants to go .. lets go walk! haha jk my dad leaves the keys for the car all the time i should go n take it for a test drive haha jk jk no way i dotn want to get caught thatz jst freaken scary mayn..
okie anywayz... deng mando are u okie? cuz friday u seemd all GRR.. like lots.. idk i was like uh oh.. wt hap now?
deng frank idk i tink u should jst yea ignore jos rite now its like idk pmsin season lolz.. cuz deng all these grls being meaner than me thatz really scary right there.. haha..
jenni i dont know where u are lolz.. ure comp is still dead i guess? i dont know..
im done with highlighting haha i dont know not in the mood rite now.. to highlighte im really tired lolz aiite laterz allz! *muahzers* | | |
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hm mel needs tah stop plannen tings cuz uhmz lets see i dont end up tellen people what i wanna do til like that day.. n then i find out they have sumting else planned or.. u know.. idk i should tell people like a year before or sumting.. cuz friday i was gonna ask U if u wanted to go hang out with me at the beach or sumting.. but i guess u made plans with other people.. its all goodie i guess.. *sigh* hey sumone.. lets hang out everytime we have a chance to yea?.. plz.. i really dont like being at home n i dont like hearing people say they got to hang out todae n be like aw mel i wish u were there too n its liek fuck u u didnt invite me so dont lie to me n tell me u wish i was there cuz thatz jst a fucken lie.. gahh rite now i feel like cryen cuz im so bored.. every time i wish that u come n rescue me.. u dont.. everytime i wish u come over n atleast let my rents know u will always be there u never come.. this is why they disapprove of us.. bcuz they tink u are never there for me.. never standing there to help me get up from all this depression.. idk im so lost guyz... so lost..
anywayz.. rite now im sitting here in bros room nothing to do i cant go out n play tennis cuz no one to play with n stuff.. my knight in shinin armor will not come n save me.. im always last on his list.. how sad.. now i dont have him anymore during skewl.. his never there for me now.. i wanna cry but everytime i do mom comes in and asks if i wanna kill myself idk.. life is gey guyz..
i need to play tennis uh oh ima so suck during the game thats gonna be gey.. aw how gey guyz i have to walk home every day after practz now.. cuz no one can gib me a ride n i dont want to ask ally cuz idk i jst dont want to ask lolz.. idk.. i wishd i drive now.. so i dont have to worrie about people stalken me after practz idk.. i still tink there are stalkers around our neigborhood.. welpz rapist peoplez.. n im scared.. idk .. i dont wanna live anymore but i do cuz i wanna show rents that i can grad n be happy someday.. [[ im happy but im not.. not rite now that is.. ]]
i feel so depress agen my love help me.. im beggin u .. i need ure help.. even tho ure being wierd.. but ure the only one that usually has the power to help me heal.. | | |
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uh people these days are so stoopid.. anywayz.. yea talken to carlson or listenin to him talk about tennis in rite now i really dont wanna hear anyting about tennis cg or choir or work so yea erf carlson..
ahhhhhhhhhh i want boba.. someone take me out on monday yea? plz? i wanna leave the house for my three day weekend.. oh yea tennis with stanley.. hmm ya tennis do i really wanna play? not really.. why cuz i want to go get my boba.. *hint hint* sumone.. erf u wont get if even if i told u carlson! anywayz.. idk i was gonna ask u if u can play tennis wit me n stan.. but idk.. u hav other plans so nvm thenz.. so yea idk who ever wants to go play tennis then go.. if u dont want to then idk lol. u can go play bball or at the play ground.. actually idk if the monday tennis thing is gonna hap i really doubt it.. hmm idk.. holy crap i have a game next week.. aw im so ahh rite oh welpz i guess..
anywayz dream last nite was bleh i wanted to cry but i couldnt when i woke up i felt like my heart brooke in to pieces in that dream n damme it i tink it did n i was so sad n bleh when i woke up i was still hurting i still felt my hear breaken why i have feelin that may sumday happend n im scared so scared.. dont want to loose u to sumone else n i never want to be standen there watchen u be wit sumone else bcuz i want to be that someone thats with u til the end of time.. ure my true love n ive told u so many times... | | |
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