| | love is the momenttoday I caught up with timothy cheng. walking and talking and on and on like secondary two times. when we'd walk around King's road for no reason. buy chestnuts and sweets from the supermarket and litter on the pavement. sit around at cluny court, outside da paolo and eat lemon cupcakes. bring my old dog to the playground and sit on the slides.
we have decided that if ever, we go overseas together, he'll be in charge of the map-reading. I am quite hopeless with that. also did you know that ionisation which occurs at waterfalls make you feel-good? standing in front of the waterfall and closing your eyes. just breathe.
anyway we will beat our thirty three minutes record next time!!!
21.12.2008
a year from now
also, coincidental phone calls! kerry and yanka both called one after the other, and we had a strange chat ending up with two of us holding hands skipping around in the sun and still on the phone with the third. missed you both. do you remember the x-country run this year. when we zipped all over the place in supermarket carts. avoiding teachers on the watch. laughing and talking and eating crap
see you guys sunday? if I can drop by yinli's christmas party
oh and thank you davelle for the disney lollipops and the tootsie rolls!!
tomorrow morning my mum and I are going to the supermarket. i'm going to buy, in this order of priority, Italian Savoriardi sugar coated sponge fingers, black coffee, caster sugar, icing sugar, sour cream... its my grandfather's birthday and I'm going to spent the afternoon in my kitchen. picture this: girl wearing japanese apron with her hands on her hips staring at the slip of paper with a barely decipherable, scribbled in blue ink, recipe for my present for him. box of Valrhona cocoa powder with little tea sifter. 500g of mascarpone cheese. bits and pieces of egg shell everywhere. I hope he likes white chocolate tiramisu; I edited the recipe I got from 2am dessert bar.
four days to christmas and I am nowhere in a holly jolly mood.
my polaroid camera and things I ordered from fredflare have yet to arrived. there is an upcoming A math retest and I still haven't mastered trigonometry. I have a paper cut on my fourth finger from the january issue of Nylon. I haven't finished baking the remainder of christmas cookies and cupcakes. or wrapping presents for better friends.
imagine the repeated agony over the next few days the glare of in-your-face christmas lights and screaming baby cousins and bad music and too much food. I want to slam the door and shut myself in my room and listen to Laura Veirs. sorry for the Gringe-like mood
I feel like telling a girl from my school to her face that I think she is selfish and I don't like her very much. but I pretend I like her and I go out of my way to be nice because my best friends love her. I'm slightly insulted and miffed that she would say anything along the lines of: "why should she care its not like I'm close to her." oh quit your incessant talk - I don't care and you aren't close to me. don't know why I ever bothered.
that's another problem I can be terribly two faced. there are thousands of people I dislike - sometimes for silly insignificant reasons - but quote athena "its the kind of dislike that you like, pretend you dont know about and be like OH HI when you see each other harhar"
almost everyone I know is guilty of that and it only makes us human but its not an excuse, I should do something about that
some people have proven to be a disappointment. my mum is lying on the red couch in the living room puking her entire stomach out. poisoned by lobster and veal and fig sorbet from my parent's 19th anniversary dinner celebration. her face is pale and sickly, I gave her a kiss but she motioned me to back off because she felt like puking again and I know how that feels. I miss countless people - eve, amadea, vicky, kara, leanne (trails off...) - and some friendships have taken a nosedive and their tail ends have disappeared. no ones fault and sometimes inevitable but I still think about the Possibilities. its always the What-ifs and Possibilities that hurt most. cue second session of drowning in misery and memories with athena yay for emo dopes.
from sarah:
And my bones start to ache and this race for time's long been gone. This apparent chase for "happiness": it doesn't exist and it's making us afraid. We don't have enough time when we wake up every day; there's always something to be done, something to say and always someone to hurt. We try to eat our words: we eat our hearts instead. Every step towards the tower is another step to being one in a crowd. You're walking as fast as you can, not because you want to but because you wouldn't know otherwise. You're following everyone else. You used to know "you" in earlier years but you'll sail alone forever if you wait for the right tide. So you hang on to someone, anyone, and hope like hell you don't drown.
...People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
the sadness comes and goes and I don't know why. that's a lie. I do know why I'm unhappy but I don't know what to do about it. soul-fixing is hard to do. I push all my problems under my bed and feign oblivion. hate dealing with things. when the bump gets too big, out of control. I crash and thank god I have my saviours. my safety nets.
but I heard something along the lines of not everyone we love are friends and not everyone we fear are enemies. I think I'm old enough to grasp that truth
another line from switchfoot:
"I want to live and die for better things"
The Pierces - Secret
The Cake Sale - Some Surprise
Let's Go Sailing - All I Want From You Is Love
doesn't audio soothe everything? |
| | Posted 12/22/2007 3:11 AM - 9 views - 4 comments
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