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Ahhhhh....yes. It is that time of the evening/morning again. I am in from another night of working on projects. This has now become my second job. I feel as if I put in as many hours as I do at my desk job. I stayed home today and worked in the studio. It felt good to get a weekday in. It is very different that putting in weekend work. The natural flow of a Monday for instance- with delivery trucks stopping off at the local business, and the change in people and traffic flow, just creates a different feeling for the day. I am more motivated in the mornings now, as I get older. I used to be a Night worker. Now I am a night worker, not by choice but by necessity. I feel a grand sense of optimism at the beginning of the day. Today started out with reevaluating my progress and making a perfect list. My list told me to finish up the half way done projects and put them away in their designated boxes. So I did. I put away several completed projects- Hurray! Next on my list was to make a good start on all projects that are not created. This is a little harder. I am waiting on some supplies to arrive to be able to do a few. I also have to take one full day to be able to work on another several project that require my full attention to be able to do some of their specific techniques- you know- I have to be in a ZEN state of mind to be able to work smoothly -not to mention a very clean area to do them. However, I did successfully make starts on all the rest. Now I need to go back and finish them up one by one. Each day requires evaluation of progress. It is a war like strategy. Things change from day to day. It is the nature of the creative process. Sometimes it is the materials changing without planning. Like when patina blue turns more green-blue than blue or when rust turns more yellow than red. Or when something does not look right after you have created it- I made a great pendant and necklace. But after taking the time to bead the necklace, I decided that it just needed a different more organic feel to it. So I took off the beaded one and replaces it with a more organic one. Now, I am thinking that I want something a little less fussy than either of them! So I will make a third necklace. All for one piece. Why do I bother? BECAUSE what I show in the book in the end is what I consider the best option. It is like pairing a good pair of shoes with a dress. There are many good options and then there are complete failures. As I was taking to Thomas tonight, I said that I think I agonize over this process more than other people would. It is not like I am curing cancer. I am only making a book of art and techniques. But I worry about it. I don't want to make something that is half assed. I hate the "Rushed" approach. I want to make work that is thoughtful and resolved. He said- "Jane- as much as you worry, this will never happen". Seems so easy to hear.
Anyway. So I worked on my studio and then I ran to Home Depot and to Joanne's to get a few things. It turned into an hour and a half trip thanks to all the others out there who had the same idea. I got back and ate. Good thing too- I was feeling faint. I had not eaten since yesterday and by 1:30 pm- I was pushing it. I heated up my leftovers and picked at it. I know, if I was left on my own to live, I would never eat. I think I only eat because of Thomas. We like eating together. I said to him tonight- "If I was on my own, I think I would live off of cinnamon toast and tea." Heee- sad but very true. I probably would turn beige from lack of greens. I would become a listless piece of bread...
As I digress... Heee. I went back to working in the studio tonight again after taking a nap to recharge my energy. As I went outside, cutting through the kitchen to go outside, my poor fish- rolled over and waved to me again. All of this on the bottom floor of his deathbed. (Earlier today I cried as I watched him gasping for air as he lay helpless- he looked at me with his little eyes, and it made me cry harder. He then managed to swim a lap around the tank! I can't understand this. He is clearly dying and yet he still sees me, watches me, and knows I am there. And so he preforms tricks? Is this a form of communication? (Maybe he is saying- KILL ME! Heeee- sorry its my dark humor seeping out again) I just wish that there was something I could do. I must be in denial... after 3 days of this, I think perhaps he will pull though. But I know that this is just me not wanting to let go... sigh.)
Alright- the night is moving on and I need to take myself up to bed.
(Uuugh! A messy night for me indeed...) |
| | Posted 8/15/2006 1:33 AM - 1 view - 1 comments
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